As I reach the end of my term serving here in the GTA. I realized something as I went to write in my journal. I had reached the end of my journal. This was the journal that I had started writing in when I first said yes to serving as the GTA West Sector head. And as we reach full circle and reach the end, this chapter in my life was coming to an end.
As I read through my journal, I saw the same prayers and desires and questions. But I also saw those prayers, desires and questions answered by God in the past two months. Aside from those two things that I prayed for the most, one thing was actually most prominent. And it was the desire to take that first step. To stop hiding behind the comfort of internal hope and put that faith into action.
God, let me take that first step.
And looking back on it, I noticed how fruitful those first steps were. No matter how difficult or awkward they were, they still proved to me how great God is. And that first step is and always will be responding to God’s prompting with a “Yes, Lord”.
To my service, to mission, to my vocation, all of this started with that first step.
Therefore, Lord, to what comes next, I fully trust You as I say “Yes, Lord”
Time is a crazy thing. We spend it, use it, prepare it, plan it, save it, share it, hope for it, search for it, and waste it. Sometimes it goes by so slow in an agonizing fashion. Other times, it flies by like lightning. Time is very much a part of our lives. We always take notice of it whether explicitly or unknowingly. Why? Because it is always moving and we innately measure ourselves and where we are in comparison to time. While civilizations came and went, lands joined or separated, time kept moving forward.
Time is something human. Time is something earthly.
As of late, the Lord has placed blessing after blessing in my life. Flooding my life with victories to claim. Some in the form of people. Some in small moments. Some in the big moments. Some as answered prayers. And others in the simple affirmations from the Lord. But as much as I am happy to have these things, I haven’t had time. Time to process these things or even enjoy these things. Everything has been happening so fast. And pondering on it for the past few days, I kept asking God why after each victory something else would come up. I kept requesting for at least some more time.
God is not bounded by time.
I had forgotten that God does not work in my time or that His plans are according to my time. Instead, God had already planned everything. It’s just a matter of me staying faithful and trusting that the Lord will take care of me. While continuing to walk forward with conviction not crippled by time but looking towards a God not bound by time.
Trusting the Lord, trusting His plans and his timing, has gotten me this far. So why stop now? I entrust to the Lord, my family. I entrust to the Lord, my future family. I entrust to the Lord, my friends. I entrust to the Lord, my strengths and weaknesses. I entrust to the Lord, my very life.
When they heard this, the disciples fell on their faces, overcome with fear. But Jesus came up and touched them, saying, ‘Stand up, do not be afraid’. And when they raised their eyes they saw no one but Jesus.
– Matthew 17:1-9
Today, the Catholic Church celebrates the feast day of the Transfiguration. During which three apostles, St. Peter, St. James and St. John, saw Jesus appear in His glory, foretelling of what was to come. A short glimpse of what was to be permanent after Jesus would be resurrected and His ascension to heaven. But imagine, at the short glimpse of this glorious vision, the apostles fell with fear. When we come face to face with God, seeing Him in His fullness, in all of His glory, we will fall of fear. We are fearful because we are crippled by our own humanity, seeing that we are nothing compared to God’s glory. That feeling of unworthiness? Yeah, we feel that at times. Some of us quite often.
A fear that cripples because we focus way too much on the suffering, just as the apostles were fixated on the thought of the suffering of the Passion, we put all our marbles on the feelings of aches, sufferings, shortcomings. As a result, we forget and overlook that 3 days after the Passion, was the Resurrection! And you see, the Lord never lets us remain in that state of fear and always gives us hope, just as He gave hope to the apostles through the Transfiguration. As if He was saying, “Look ahead! I will not leave you ever!”
We hear the phrase, “Do not be afraid”, quite a lot in the Bible. But what I find most beautiful about this instance was how Jesus went to the disciples and touched them. It affirms me in how personal the Lord is with us, that He won’t just resort to a simple utterance of words but actually will go to you wherever you are. And as He is there, He will touch our very lives. And it is a touch of assurance, comfort, care and love. Knowing how much more we can give, however, He will challenge us and ask us to stand up against all odds, against all uncertainty, against all obstacles, to stand up and have faith. Do not be afraid, He reminds us.
When we take that step, and stand up, on that solid ground which is God, we only see Jesus. Meaning, we are not distracted by the human-ness of our existence and all the limitations it has, but instead see the divine power of God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Just like St. Peter walking on the water, once he saw the water, once he noticed the stormy winds, he began to sink. And after Jesus had ascended to heaven, this was how the martyrs and saints continued to proclaim the good news. This is how we must be as well. That it is normal to be fearful because that fear acknowledges that we cannot do any of this alone and thus encourages us to seek Christ. For once we lose our focus on Jesus, we will begin to sink in our problems and never seem to find a way out. But my friends, that way is Jesus Himself. For He is the Way, the Truth, and Life.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, may You grant us a deeper faith so that we may have hope through everything. And may we look solely to You.
It’s 6AM. I woke up this early, I think my body thinks its time for work. But let me tell you, God is good. ~
I am amazed and grateful with how much the Lord has been there for me, especially in the past year. To give you a summary…I entered my second year as an MV and sector youth head. I finally became active in all my discernments, not just for mission. Conducted Windsor’s first camp in almost 3 years. I attended this year’s YFC International Conference. I went to the Philippines without my family for the first time ever. I served as program head for the Eastern TNC, a first for me as well. Lived as a Montreal-an for two weeks. Lastly, I finally took that next step.
I have this tendency of putting so much on myself, especially when its about an unfavourable outcome. There was so much to look forward to, but then a detour comes along. Initially, I had felt crushed that it didn’t go my way. But, I am reminded that it was and is never about my way taking precedence over God’s. And so, I knew for a fact that this setback will lead to something even greater.
As I look back on these victories, on these God moments, on these moments of grace. I can’t help but be in awe of how much it was God’s doing and not my own. To finally take that next step, took me so long just to even lift a muscle, but then for all of it to happen in 6 months? Thank You. To experience the fullness of this community, you need to go to ICON, that’s what I’ve always thought. And somehow I was able to go. Thank You. To conduct the program at ETNC, to conduct the camp in Windsor, to see growth in the sector, all of it not because of me. Thank You.
As I look back, I also remember the setbacks, the detours and struggles through each victory. Times where I felt like giving up or running away. Times of self-doubt. But time and time again, I moved forward hoping in the Lord. Literally, everything I did was surrendered to the Lord. I knew I could not do this by my own will, but His alone. Rather than seeing these setbacks as “No”, the Lord revealed to me that they were more of “Not yet” and He wanted to test my patience and trust in Him. And my goodness, was it worth it going at His time.
Thank You, Lord. No matter how many times I repeat it and say it, it will never be enough to express how grateful I am for all You’ve given me. I entrust to You these last 5 months, and of what is to come.
For the past week, I’ve been met by an abundance of grace. An overwhelming feeling of joy, comfort and affirmation that time and time again, I am being taken care of. However, what I’ve also realized was the limitations of me taking care of others.
In a conversation with my parents, regarding the uncertain future of my career, vocation and calling, having resources was always the key. Having the money to support my future family. Having the successful and stable job to provide consistently. Having the required education to attain those jobs. Those were the measuring devices of my future, if I was ready or not. How can you provide for your future family? What happens if so or so happens? How can you be sure that this is what you want? Those were the questions of my future’s validity. And in response, I could not give a firm answer except that in surrendering all of these and more to God, He will in turn take care of me. Now don’t get me wrong, these are all logical questions that we should ask ourselves. But one thing I’ve realized is that it is not about what lies ahead, rather, it’s about what is here and now. And I remember I would tell my parents, I may not have the resources, the money to provide everything all the time, but I do know one thing, that the best thing I can do and provide is to take care of others.
However, pondering on this more and more, I’ve come to understand that I can’t solve everyone’s problems. At first, I thought of this as a call out of me not being worthy of the calling, but now I see it as an opportunity of grace.
The fault of the human mind is its very own strength, to know things. How often do I try making sense of my life or of someone else’s life, to the point that I am trying to be like God? That in brainstorming of what to say, I frantically measure pros and cons of potential answers before locking in on the best response to the problem in the hopes that it would solve everything. But God is God, and I am not. At the end of it all, I do not have the answers that people are looking for. And with the amount of problems going on around me whether it’s people’s personal problems, or interpersonal problems, there is simply too many for me to help every single one of them. What I forget is that, sometimes the greatest help anyone can have is someone to intercede, to pray for them. The power of God is far greater than anything in this world, and one that surpasses our understanding. God’s answers will reveal themselves in the right time, all we can do is have courage in the Lord.
In The Interior Castle of the Mansions, St. Teresa of Avila wrote with the intention that it would help the sisters of Carmelite convents and she stated that if this benefitted anyone else would be the Lord simply doing her a great favour. Like St. Teresa of Avila, whenever something exceeds our expectations, we cannot attribute that to human accomplishment but to God’s grace alone.
Therefore, we cannot be disheartened when we cannot help or be of help, but instead entrust it all to the Lord and allow the Lord to be present in these things. Let us not forget to pray. Let us not forget to allow God in every corner of our lives. The beauty of prayer is not in the words we say, but in the simple act of surrendering oneself to God’s will.
Quick shout outs to Our Lady of Perpetual Help, Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Joseph, St. Francis Xavier, St. Raphael and all the saints for always interceding for me.
Lord, allow me to always pray and look to You in everything I can or cannot do.
St. Joseph, pray for us.
St. Francis Xavier, pray for us.
St. Raphael, pray for us.
Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us.
Our Lady of Perpetual Help, pray for us.
All the angels and saints, pray for us.
Hello world, this is my family. My home, my place of refuge, my source of love, and my first household. The man of the house, Mario “Ohmar” Rivera (the original Ohmar). The commander of the house, Merlita Rivera. The Korean of the house, Mier Rivera. Then there’s me. Meet the Rivera Family.
FAMILIES in the HOLY SPIRIT RENEWINGthe face of the Earth. Couples For Christ’s Mission
Having grown up in this community, quite literally, from Kids for Christ, to Youth for Christ and now recently transitioned to Singles for Christ, I can truly say that I have come to understand and further appreciate the value of family. Wherein we care for every person in a family in this community. And that can be attested to by my family.
Thinking back on the journey so far that my family has gone (obviously only ’til as far as I could recall), one thing is certain… that nothing went according to our expectations. That in saying yes to the Lord, He had taken us to the other side of the world whether or not we acknowledged it was God at work. As a result we have found the Lord in each other and ourselves and are now living in life of love and service. And so let me share with you, my family’s journey, from the desert to the rivers.
(Dubai, year ???….but look its me in baby form)
The story begins in Dubai, where I was born and where my parents first met, you’ll have to ask them about their story in person. (And shout outs to YFC UAE on their National conference!). And if there is one place that I remember the most about my faith life during the 7 years I lived in Dubai, it was the crying room. Almost every moment spent at St. Mary’s was either sleeping in a pew, or crying my head off in the crying room. We were the typical family that went to Mass on Sundays just because my parents were brought up that way and thus they would do the same for their own children. And other than grace before meals, that was the full extent of our faith. Funny enough, close to when we migrated from Dubai to Toronto, my sister asked our parents if she could join Kids for Christ, but our parents were skeptical and opted not to. However, just as the Lord is funny, He still made things work…by having our closest family friends (who moved to Canada a year before us and who were already in CFC by then) to actually sit in for my parents. So that once we arrived in 2001, they simply said, “Oh by the way, we’re gonna take you to a Christian Life Program! Don’t worry for missing 3 talks, we’ll fill you in during the car ride!” And from there my parents would complete their CLP, my sister would attend her first youth camp and I would go join Kids for Christ. Thus begins our love story with God, as one family.
The reason we moved to Canada was simply for my sister and I to get a better education. And only that. However, in reality, we were led on a journey towards Christ. As my parents began to serve more and more, my sister and I were exposed to mission since we would be dragged to my parents’ households and meetings that covered the vast lands of the Greater Toronto Area and even Windsor. Of course, at the time, young OJ did not appreciate being dragged to these places. But yet, it was in these moments of travelling with my family to serve, was what ignited that desire for mission in me even though I did not acknowledge it then. From there, my sister would go on to become a Full Time Pastoral Worker and I would apply to the Mission Volunteer program. Now don’t be mistaken, this journey was not without any sort of struggle or hardship. In fact, even until now, we face the same uncertainties of life. How can we serve if we are tired? How can I provide for my family? Or future family? Am I worthy or able to do this? The only difference now, is the great confidence we have in the Lord that He will and always will take care of us. Because He has done just that this whole time. We came for education but God gave us something greater, a purpose to love and serve Him. We came, to some extent, to lead a successful life, but God gave us something greater, a life according to His will. We came to serve ourselves, but God called us to serve Him.
(Some food spot in Toronto, 2016)
And so, why did I say yes to mission? At first it was because I was inspired by the joy that the FTPW’s exuded whenever they were on mission and that I wanted to experience that. But thinking on it recently, especially with this post, I believe those 3 in the picture above are the reason. That they were the ones who brought me to mission, they were the ones who exuded joy on mission, they were the ones who said yes so that I could say yes.
The Lord took us out of the desert, our dryness in faith, and brought us to the rivers of His grace. Wherein, we came to nourish our minds, but instead we ended up nourishing our hearts and souls. This is how I am affirmed by the mission of CFC. That in being renewed by the Lord’s grace, we are able to in turn bring Christ to others. He took our yes and brought us to places far greater than we expected. And He is not yet done.
Thank you, Papa. Thank you, Mama. Thank you, Ate Mier.
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy There’s vomit on his sweater already, mom’s spaghetti He’s nervous, on the surface he looks calm and ready To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
– Eminem (Lose Yourself)
I have grown up with a perpetual need to have a hand in every situation. Whether that be knowing what to do, or simply knowing what’s going on. In other words, I wanted everything under my control, ESPECIALLY (most especially) if it remotely concerned me or the people I knew. I needed to know where everything is and where they are going.
However, upon saying yes to the Lord to the MV program and to many other things pertaining to my life and what lies ahead (i.e. service, vocation, family situations etc.), these moments of “Yes, Lord” was met with great troubles, doubts and hardships. Great troubles that I did not think would happen nor want to happen. Even though, at the time of these troubles, I felt lost and had moments of yearning to just run away; at the end of the day, every successive “yes” always built towards something. Because one thing was for sure, these opportunities and moments of “Yes, Lord” will always happen…no matter what.
The struggle in this certainty of “Yes, Lord” moments was the fact that I had no idea where the Lord would be taking me. Like a ship without a captain, a business with no management or CEO or traveller with no map (or GPS for us today). The only difference with mine is that I was never alone (although at times I instinctively thought I was…and God is not instinctual but intentional) and it was just a constant revisiting of my conviction to this call and realizing that all that I need is to trust. And this is something that I’ve slowly and gradually have realized. Prayers of “Lord where are you taking me? Why do I have to be assigned here? Why can’t I just be at the destination already?”…have now become “Lord, lead me to where You are. Jesus, King of Mercy, I trust in You”. Thirteen months ago, I would have never said yes if I was told of the things I would have had to endure upon entering the MV program, then again, I would have never realized how great and providential God is (like actually…God is so good, thank You Lord).
And so, we look to the start of this blog post. What does any of this have to do with the song? To be honest, I don’t really know LOL. The song just came up as I was writing this reflection and it seemed like it fit. Actually, it does. Yes, it does, let me share haha. Like in the movie or music video, the call we say yes to is an opportunity that comes once in a lifetime, for Marshall it was to be on that stage, while for us it is to be with God. And when we say yes and live out the aftermath of our yes, we will face moments of forgetfulness. Forgetting why we said yes, forgetting what we said yes to, and forgetting who we said yes to. In order to remember again though, we must literally lose ourselves to the will of God, realizing that all of this and more is God’s to begin with. So don’t miss the opportunity to say “yes” to the Lord, and in the words of Eminem…
You better lose yourself in the… love of the Lord.
(Christmas, 2015)
