Author: Nica Agregado

I spent the day celebrating the birthday of an old friend from high school. What a joyous occasion it was 🙂

 

In a nutshell, we spent the day catching up with friends, joking around, and just genuinely enjoying each other’s company.

This friend of mine happens to be a stroke victim. Two years ago, we were given the unfortunate news that my friend was rushed to the hospital and was completely unresponsive. Almost all the doctors had little to no hope of her completely recovering or even staying alive. Through all of this, her family continued to remain hopeful, and with it, came a large outpouring of prayers and support from the entire church community. Praise God for answering all our prayers because, as of today, she is responsive, has strong comprehension, and can communicate verbally.

I always felt uncomfortable and approached the situation with such a heavy heart. Every time I would visit her, I felt so much sadness and pity over the situation. Seeing her today, she was filled with so much joy and never failed to make it known that she was extremely grateful for every person there.

I saw so much of Christ and his infinite love and goodness. The Lord showed me someone who was able to genuinely delight in all the blessings of life. I thank The Lord for always allowing us to encounter him in such beautiful and intimate ways. God is truly a personal God.

Though she may not physically be the same, I will continue to hope for her and trust in The Lord. I hope you guys may keep her in your prayers too 🙂

Lord, thank you for showing me that, in you, our hope will never be in vain.

When I think of answering the call of the Lord, the fear that I have isn’t exactly rooted within the call itself but my ability to answer it.

This last MV SHOUT, there were random moments when I felt uneasy. I was constantly questioning the state of my heart and internally beating myself up over the smallest things. I found myself focusing on my weaknesses and limitations, as a person and as a sinner.

On our last night, we were asked to write out personal covenants to God and place them on a giant cross. I remember kneeling before that very cross and pouring my heart out to the Lord:

Lord, I don’t know why, but there are times when I feel so unworthy. I am filled with so much fear and anxiety that I honestly don’t know what to do. All I can do is lift everything up to you and place it at the foot of your cross.

By his wonderful grace, The Lord responded:

My child, let me take you back to my time on Earth…

The image of the Lord’s agony in Gethsemane entered vividly into my mind. As I tried to comprehend the image before me, I found myself reflecting on the torment the Lord must have experienced in his mind – the fear and the anxiety he must have felt, knowing what was about to come.

The Lord spoke clearly.

“Don’t act like I don’t understand what you go through. I understand everything. This is exactly why I gave you this cross so that you and I can be in communion with one another. Be free and rest in me. I understand everything. In the same way that I carried my cross and claimed my victory, so will you. My child, I am here with you in all your fears, your anxieties, and your weaknesses. Rest in me…”

Man, when the Lord comforts, he REALLY comforts <3

Lord, let your love be my strength. Let your love be my shield.

I’m the type of person that really hates being vulnerable. I hate the idea of someone seeing through me and knowing things that, I myself, am uncomfortable dealing with. Generally, I like to keep things to myself.

With the recent SHOUT… let’s just say that it was a giant explosion of vulnerability and honesty from both myself and from those around me.

The Lord revealed lot of things to me through this SHOUT: I felt a tremendous amount of love, joy, and enlightenment, but there were also a lot of things that really hurt me. Despite receiving an abundance of blessings, I found myself focusing more on the hurtful experiences that I had.

Without divulging too much, I discovered a lot of broken relationships, relationships that I always thought were perfectly fine. Conflicts were revealed, and hurts were brought to light. In a way, I felt like I was in an illusion, thinking everything was okay, and, in a second, the Lord snapped me out of it in the harshest way possible.

I began to ask a lot of questions: Why now? Why during SHOUT? Why did you have to reveal these things to me? This is what happens when people become too vulnerable! (lol)

But jokes aside, it took me a while to let my feelings sink in. After much reflection, I felt the Lord console me:

I know it hurts, but accepting the truth is the first step to healing. I want nothing more than to perfect my love in each and every one of you. It is through this brokenness that I will reach out my hand, mold you, and make you perfect. In due time, everyone will heal. Trust in me.

#notmyhandbutyours

As much as I hate being vulnerable, I can confidently say that the vulnerability and honesty that I experienced this past week was the first step to the Lord claiming his victory. It was through our vulnerability that the Lord has opened our hearts. Praise God!

Hear me, daughter, do not glean in any other field… Keep close to my maids and follow where they glean. – Ru 2:8-9

“Like Ruth, Mary is allowed to gather the ears of corn (glean) after harvesters. The harvesters she follows are evangelical laborers constantly harvesting souls for God. To Mary alone is granted to save the most hardened sinners, abandoned even by the harvesters.” – St. Bonaventure (Mary Day by Day)

There are times when we feel as if the weight of a person’s soul rests on our shoulders, and no matter how many times we try to help, it just seems like a lost cause. I know that I’ve had such experiences, and more often than not, my response is always shame or guilt in not being able to fulfill my responsibilities as a sister.

In reading this, I realized that there are a multitude of things that are beyond my control and understanding, things that probably only Our Universal Mother would understand.

In those moments where we feel helpless in helping others, maybe the Lord’s will is not for us to feel as if we have abandoned that brother or sister, but rather, to trust that there are some things best dealt with by a loving mother’s embrace.

Today, I spent the day catching up on work and marking a giant pile of worksheets, and as I was marking, all I could think of was how tedious and tiresome it was. Given the bountiful and overflowing blessings that The Lord has given me in the last two weeks, my work suddenly felt like a huge pain in the bum.

But as I continued, I felt The Lord tell me…

Whether you grow tired of it or not, this is my blessing to you, and your work serves as a blessing for others. Take responsibility; for this is the life that I have given you. Celebrate each blessing and know that, in each one of them, I am present.

#findme =)

I’m currently enjoying a leisurely and somewhat business-oriented trip in good old BC, and within the course of a week, the Lord has chosen to reveal himself in ways that I would have never imagined.

I came to BC for an interview with their Catholic school board and to possibly fulfill my dream of becoming a Catholic schoolteacher. In the last two days, I spent a good portion of my time applying to numerous Catholic schools in Vancouver, hoping to find a job and possibly getting my foot in the door.

My original intention was to submit as many resumes as I possibly could and desperately try to rub elbows with every principal I encounter. However, when I applied to the first school on my list, something had deeply moved my heart.

When I entered that first school and encountered my first principal, the first thing I did was observe my surroundings: the students, the teachers, the atmosphere, the physical environment… everything! It’s a bit difficult to explain, but I felt such a strong sense of love in my surroundings and in the interactions that I had witnessed. What I saw before me was a community so rich in faith and so deeply rooted in Christ that I was in awe.

As I continued to visit different schools, the feeling of awe never waned, as each school had such an apparent and unique Catholic identity. What began as a business trip became a beautiful journey of encountering Christ and his greatness in different, yet equally beautiful ways.

Oh dearest Lord! I Thank you for revealing yourself to me and for strengthening my resolve as a Catholic educator. Please guide me so that I may never lose sight of my purpose, and I pray that you may always teach me to be confident in the educator that you have moulded me to be

On the way to the doctor’s office, my brother and I shared a funny conversation in the car…

When I arrived back in Canada, I shared about my experience in the Philippines: how inspiring it was and how, at the same time, it became a huge challenge for me. I spent a good chunk of my time back home sharing about how humbling my trip was and how the Lord granted me the grace to be able to see every experience as a tremendous blessing, be it positive or negative… and yet, the second I stepped onto Canadian soil and the moment that I got sick, my immediate response was a series of whiny complaints coupled with a very animated and dramatic “Why God, why?” (waving fists and everything).

We had a good laugh about it and treated it as a funny observation, but thinking about it now,it got me thinking…

Why is it is so difficult to respond with faith when we are in the comfort of our own home, or just comfortable in general?

I remember asking a sister about this, and one thing that she shared was that the real mission is back here at home and within ourselves. I definitely agree, and I never realized this until now. More often than not, when my life is shrouded in comfort, I always respond to my own personal challenges with discouragement rather than faith, especially when things don’t go my way. I hope that in this journey of discernment, the Lord will teach me to always respond with faith.

Lord,

In the midst of joy, comfort, sadness, anxiety, or whatever may stir my heart… I pray that I may always respond with faith.