Author: Lara Suarez

In my journey, I have come across two states of emptiness:

• The first kind of emptiness is one that is fruitless. You experience a “desert” state. One that feels lonely, dull, and ultimately self-centered. This is a state that does not acknowledge the presence of God.

• The second kind of emptiness is one that is fruitful. An emptying of self –not self-centered, not lonely, not desert-like. One that rejoices in this empty state as an act of self-giving to the ever-present God.

I have come to experience both several times, and what I have found the toughest is to go from the first state of emptiness, a self-centered state, where I am unmoving, to the second state –the state of self-giving, and abandoning myself to God.

What I found in the middle of the two, the bridge that moves me from one to the other, is the realization of mercy. God’s love and mercy are very present, and very real. When we forget one –generally we forget the other also. It is this realization of love and mercy that is so powerful, and yet always attacked. Two of the greatest lies from the evil one are about God not loving us, and God not forgiving us –ultimately two of the Greatest Truths.

This Truth was made flesh through Jesus Christ. When you have trouble going from one state to the other, let us remember our Merciful Redeemer! Empty yourselves before Him, and surely you will be filled by the graces that we could have only attained through Him. In this kind of emptiness, we will grow.

Why is that when I sin, the first thing that takes a hit is my prayer time? I’ve felt many times, after that I sinned, I felt “unworthy” to pray. Unworthy to be in His presence, unworthy to lift up concerns, or ask for graces. Like Adam and Eve, I feel the need to hide from God. I enter a period of spiritual desolation, where I feel so separated from God, so anxious and so heavy hearted.

I’ve learned that at times of spiritual desolation, one should never make a change. This comes from The Rules for Discernment of Spirits by St. Ignatius. In times of desolation, one should remain firm and constant –even in prayer.

Since learning that, I cannot say that things have gotten any easier. There are times where it is very difficult to pray. There are times where temptation is so great, that I want to give in, and put aside prayer. There are many times where I feel so ashamed. But then a beautiful thing happens, where God imparts graces on me, and reminds me that this is the beauty of our relationship. That a sinner like me, can be so immensely loved by our God. That He will love me no matter what, and that in times of desolation, I will cling to Him all the more, because He has never left me. We need to protect this constant connection to Him, and realize that prayer is more than a mere feeling of being close to Him. It’s trusting that He is there, that He listens, and that He will answer.

Prayer by Blessed John Henry Newman

O my God, you alone are all-wise and all-knowing! I believe that you know just what is best for me. I believe that you love me better than I love myself, that you are all-wise in your Providence and are all-powerful in your protections.

I thank you, with all my heart, that you have taken me out of my own keeping, and have bidden me to put myself in your hands. I can ask nothing better than this, to be in your care –not my own. O my Lord, through your grace I will follow you wherever you go, and will not lead the way.

I will wait for you for your guidance, and on obtaining it, I will act in simplicity and without fear. And I promise that I will not be impatient, if at any time I am kept by you in darkness and perplexity; nor will I complain or fret if I come into any misfortune or anxiety. In all, I will trust in Jesus, the Lord, and my saviour.

Amen.

Since I didn’t get to attend any True North Conferences this year, I was delighted to be able to attend the Marian Eucharistic Conference here in Winnipeg. Yes Lord, You still gave me the conference experience I longed for!

This conference was different. This conference was not like the many conferences I’ve been to. For one thing, I was surrounded by hardly any youth –mostly older men and women and religious sisters. Another, was the amount of speakers and the variety of sessions that took place within the weekend. What was so apparent however, was the presence and love of Our Mother at that conference.

As I reflected on my personal devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary, I realized at times it was very one-sided. I admired her, yes, in all that she is and all that she inspires me to be. However, she doesn’t want my admiration. That was never what she sought. She wants me and my entire self, to be so in love with her Son. She wants so badly for all of us to be united with her Son that she is willing to help us get there, so long as we ask.

Fr. Joseph Christensen said “The Rosary is Mary’s hand. Take her hand.” So often I hold the Rosary, not realizing I am holding the hand of Our Mother. She is our surest help, the one I can count on for prayers. Just like in Cana, she tells Jesus our needs, and petitions for our miracles. Uniting my heart to her Immaculate Heart, brings me only closer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, for her heart is so united with His. Fr. Joseph also said “Do not be afraid to be lost in her. Her will is perfectly conformed to God’s will. She will give you her heart to dwell safely there. She has way more to give you, then you to give her.”

***

Mary, beloved daughter of the Father, Mother of the Son, and Spouse of the Spirit, perfectly united with the love of the Trinity, let me grow in my devotion to you, not only as my intercessor, not only as my guidance, not only as my model, but as my own dearest and loving Mother.

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

Ad Jesum Per Mariam.

And I could be waiting for all of my days

If I’m hesitating, and listen too late

Then how will I know when Your answer comes?

 

 

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My Lord Jesus, allow me to be sensitive to Your voice. Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.

Our Lady of Lourdes, pray for us.

St. Bernadette Soubirous, pray for us.

Amen.

I have come to set the world on fire and how I wish it were already blazing. –Luke 12:49

If we want to set the world on fire, we first must be on fire.

As missionaries, why do we need to be “on fire”?

Because His Spirit is strong.

Because the love of our Lord is too great for us to contain within ourselves.

Because only through the power of the Holy Spirit, can we proclaim the goodness of the Lord.

Because it is by the fire of the Spirit that sets us ablaze for mission.

We are called to proclaim the Good News. We are called to share in the love of our Heavenly Father. We are called to set ourselves aside, and put Christ at the centre. We are called to bring hope for this generation. We are brothers and sisters, journeying together to our true Home. We are friends seeking the Good in one another. We are visionaries, working towards a new creation. We are His hands, His feet, going to the ends of the earth for that one lost sheep. We are on fire missionaries, seeking to continue the mission of Christ by setting the world on fire.

 

In your nature, eternal Godhead, I shall come to know my nature. And what is my nature, boundless love? It is fire, because you are nothing but a fire of love. And you have given humankind a share in this nature, for by the fire of love you created us. And so with all other people and every created thing; you made them out of love. O ungrateful people! What nature has your God given you? His very own nature! Are you not ashamed to cut yourself off from such a noble thing through the guilt of deadly sin? O eternal Trinity, my sweet love! You, light, give us light. You, wisdom, give us wisdom. You, supreme strength, strengthen us. Today, eternal God, let our cloud be dissipated so that we may perfectly know and follow your Truth in truth, with a free and simple heart. God, come to our assistance! Lord, make haste to help us! Amen. (St. Catherine of Siena)

 

Ite, omnia incendite et inflammate.

When you lose your way, the best thing to do is recount your steps and try to figure out where you got lost. When you figure out where you lost your way, next is to redirect yourself. 

The funny thing is, when you lose your way, you forget that you had a companion all along. Somebody who knows where they’re going, who walks alongside with you, knowing you’re losing yourself but continues walking with you, out of love –deep love for you, patiently waiting until you are ready to let go of your gaze on your map, turn your eyes to them and say “I’m lost.”

I have never left you.

I lost my way. I forgot where I was going. I enjoyed too many rest points and slowed my pace. I foolishly mapped my own way thinking that I’d make it. I was lost, going in circles, refusing to ask for direction. I relied on my own strength, my own stamina, my own power… thinking that one day, I’d have it figured out.

You need to learn to live in my grace, and not rely on your strength.

When you stop, examine where you are and take those steps back, as much as it seems like you are going backwards, you are actually moving forward. Our greatest companion, Jesus Christ, is there to take the lead when we finally let Him. Like a true gentleman, He doesn’t reprimand us for our foolishness, but holds our hand. 

I was foolish enough to think that I knew the way, when the way was right next to me. I focused too much on other things, clouding my vision. My head was so full of matters of the future, that I lost sight of the present, the now, the One beside me.

Losing your way is hard, but it is in the going back, where you remember the reason for the journey in the first place, that is the real grace.

Jesus, my greatest companion, You have never left me. You journey with me so that I am never alone. You are the way, the truth and the life. Let me live by your way, know your truth and walk in the light of your life. Let me never lose my way to you, but rather lose myself in you. Amen.