Author: Keegan Fernandes

I recently watched The Greatest Showman (an amazing movie that I think everyone should go see) which was a movie about P.T Barnum a young man who had great dreams of entertaining people and bringing joy to their lives. He came from a poor family but through his passion and dedication to his craft would eventually go on to become the creator of the modern day circus.

One of the stronger themes of the movie was P.T.’s desire to dream bigger, but it was also his downfall as his ability to dream eventually caused him to lose sight of what was most important in his life. This has also been the running theme in my own life, especially these past few weeks. As I step into the new year as a Mission Volunteer, YCOM Area Head, and a student in school, I have a lot of planning, and preparation ahead of me, a lot of dreams in sight. However, in these first few weeks of the new year, I have been in a state of Acedia, something my spiritual director likes to define as “just coasting”. I have many great desires and dreams, but when it comes down to it, I haven’t able to move forward or take action. I realize that the source of this was my lackluster spiritual life, as with the responsibilities piling up I had found little time to be still and pray.

Prayer is the gear that drives us, it’s is our connection to God. When we try to take on the world without first making time for the Lord we will always fall short. Often times I will tell myself that I didn’t have time to pray, but the reality is rather that prayer wasn’t a priority. When we enjoy something we make time for it, rearrange our schedules and our lives so that we can be a part of it, but when it comes to prayer we often find excuses. This weekend at our Regional Leader’s Retreat we were blessed to have perpetual adoration, and during my time with the Lord in reflection, I was reminded of the joy and peace that comes with prayer, and the beauty of making it a priority.

With scheduled shifts for prayer and adoration, I rekindled the love and joy of prayer. Although waking up(or staying awake) until three in the morning for my adoration shifts wasn’t easy,  it was a reminder that prayer needs to come first, and my relationship with God needs to be a priority. In order to be better like Christ, I need to spend time in prayer with Him. I pray that I may continue to journey with the Lord, to work with Him in prayer, and deepen my relationship with Him, so that I can make these dreams a reality.

Keegan

“Music is the exaltation of the mind derived from things eternal, bursting forth in sound.”

This quote by St. Thomas Aquinas really sums up why music can be so profound, and really why it resonates with me. It’s truly amazing how music, from even generations ago can carry the same emotion, the same meaning that it had when it was created. Recently I was at mass, and during the singing of the hymns I began to cry. These weren’t tears of sadness however, it was just so moving to sing the words of the hymn, and to really understand what these words meant. If you take the time, to listen, really listen to the words that are sung, you realize these are prayers, and praises to our God. They are written by people just like you or me, with the same worries doubts or fears. They may have lived in a different time, or era, but they faced similar struggles, and through it all they with trust in the Lord they offered it up in prayer, in song.

Even within our own community, our worship songs go beyond just words. They are bold proclamations of the glory of God, they are the prayers of thanksgiving, or yearnings for God’s mercy. They have also come from people, who understand what it means to journey with the Lord, and in praying the songs we sing, we are are made to realize we that we are not alone. In singing these prayers with our brothers and sisters we are given a glimpse of the joy that awaits us in heaven. It’s simply beautiful. With Liveloud arriving around the corner, I grow more excited to be able to come together and praise our God once again. “Singing belongs to one who loves.” said St. Augustine of Hippo, and we are made to love. I pray that through my prayers, not just the spoken but also the sung, I may continue to grow deeper with the Lord. I pray that through sharing in the songs, of people come before me, I may also never forget that I am not alone on this journey to heaven.

Keegan

Short reflection but really something that stuck out to me from serving at CFC conference.

What does it mean to be a Full-Time Pastoral Worker? Since joining this MVA Program I have been trying to answer that question. It’s not exactly simple, there’s a great deal of complexity that goes with that title, but this weekend serving at CFC conference, I got a glimpse of what it might entail.

Program is arguably one of my favorite service roles. It’s often one of the most stressful, as your called to focus on many different tasks at the same time; listening to your clearcom, watching the stage, paying attention to your surroundings. But it always leaves me in awe to see everything come together, like an intricate machine, with many moving parts. At the CFC conference this weekend all the local full-Time workers were in some way serving as part of the program, as tech booth, managers, or in production. The interesting part however is not where they served but rather how they served, because in spite of the stressful roles they were given their hearts were set on caring for those around them, and guiding the entire conference. Even in the midst of their tiredness they would always make time to check up on those around them, to share a conversation, a laugh, or see if they’ve eaten. They made sure to never let the burden of their service affect the love that they gave to those in need. Needless to say I was taken back, and I honor each of them for what they do. This life that they chose, a life that I’m seeking isn’t an easy one, and it opened my eyes to what the “pastoral” means in full-time pastoral worker. To love..  As a missionaries in this community we are more than just event organizers, and managers. We are shepherds of a flock, called to look after those whom the Lord has blessed us with, to pastor and guide. We are called most especially be be a reflection of Christ wherever we are and in everything that we do. This doesn’t just end at being a missionary but rather in all aspects of life, at work, school, with family and friends, we are called to love. Loving isn’t always going to be easy, there are times when the weariness of life will bring us down, and or when we lose sight of those around us because of stress, but we must always remember that we are always equipped to love because of Christ’s love within us. Our love is an outpouring of His love for us, and the more we come to know Christ, the more we imitate Him in all that we do, the better we can love like Him.

What it means to be a full-time pastoral worker may be a complex question, and while I may not have the answer yet, I know it’s foundation is built upon with love. As I reflect on myself, I see that I still have a lot to learn when it comes to being a missionary, but I pray that through deepening my own relationship with the Lord I can learn to share even a fraction of the love He has for me.

Keegan

If you’ve ever gone on a mission trip, you know that it’s an event that can’t really be described, only experienced. It’s  a bizarre mix of preparedness and spontaneity. It always serves as a reminder of that the Holy Spirit truly is present in the community.

I’ve been on a few mission trips in my time serving the community, but this was my first experience leading one. We were instructed to lead an HHLT ( Household Leader’s Training), Household proper, and a mid-year planning all in the span of a day and a half. With just a three person team, it was a lot to tackle, and with less than a day of planning, I knew this was going to be a long two days, but I never like to turn down a challenge, so I was excited to take it on.

After a five-hour car ride to Windsor, we settled down and began planning for the two days ahead of us. It soon dawned upon me that with so few hands, I as a team leader would end up being playing many roles, music min, worship leader, session speaker, facilitator, and so much more. I’m usually a person who loves to do things spontaneously, but the as the household progressed I found myself jumping between so many roles I often lost what I was even supposed to be doing. Needless to say a little more than stressful, but by God’s grace, we got through it. As we stopped to catch our breath and  braced ourselves for two more events to come, our CC’s mentioned that there was a youth was celebrating their birthday with a barbeque, and the invitation was open to all of us. We were running on a tight schedule, so naturally, we were hesitant at first, but we definitely needed a break, so we decided to take them up on the offer.

We arrived at the party and were surprised to be greeted with warm welcomes and smiles, and after some short introductions, the CC’s left to go catch up with each other, and the youth were left to simply just play in the backyard. Despite being at a party I still couldn’t relax, on the back of my mind was all of the work that was still needed to be done, but something kept urging me to let loose. It’s amazing how fellowship doesn’t have to be complicated, it’s the simplicity of just spending time together, and really goes to show how the Lord’s love is simple. Never before had the simpleness of playing sports, and riding bikes around a neighbourhood been so much fun. We played games, ate food and laughed for what felt like hours. I experienced a joy that took me back to my early days in the community as a member. It was a reminder of how far the Lord has taken me, and how much more he has yet to reveal to me.  As the day winded down we watched the sun set I decided to take one last bike ride around the block. As I rode through the empty streets(with my helmet of course) and looked up at the painted sky, I felt an unexplainable peace, and in my heart, I heard the Lord say, “Trust me”, and “I will take care of You”.

It was a stark reminder that I am loved and taken care of so well, but I am not in control. The mission doesn’t really need us, but rather we need the mission. We are doing the Lord’s work, this is his vineyard, and we are but the workers. The work that we do helps us to better see God and know Him, and ultimately to better love Him and share His love. Sometimes however amidst the busyness of life, we like to desire that sense of control, but it’s only in surrendering to God and allowing Him to take care of us that we can truly do what He has set in place. Serving is the act of servanthood, which in its simplest form is submitting to God’s will. I pray that I can truly trust the Lord in all things, surrendering to Him all that I do because with Him all things are possible.

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:13

Keegan

I love stories. I love sharing them and writing them, but more than that I love listening to them. A good story takes its audience on a journey, with the setting, the emotion, and the characters, it transports the listener into another world. An even better story, however, leaves the listener with something to learn from it. This is the reason Jesus often spoke in parables, they’re usually simple and easy to understand, and the characters are memorable so we always remember the story and the lesson that goes with it (the prodigal son, the good Samaritan, the lost sheep, just to name a few). In a similar way my goal with this these blog posts is to share interesting (or not so interesting) stories, from my own journey as a missionary, and personal life that can serve as reminders of who God is and how marvelously He is working.

Awkward moments are the worst. Silence, uneasiness, and tension so thick you could cut it, all add up to an uncomfortable situation. This was the setting of birthday dinner I recently attended. What began as a small gathering of close friends, soon became a night filled with unease when a friend whom we don’t know too well decided to join us for dinner uninvited. The friend was unaware of the context that this was a small group gathering and just decided to tag along because they heard we were grabbing dinner. Now exclusivity is never a good idea, especially in a social situation, so naturally, we didn’t want to turn them down. This meant, however, was trying to include our spontaneous guest in the conversation, which was a challenge because they didn’t even know the host! As we struggled to make small talk and find common interests it became clear that this was going to a long dinner, so we just decided to embrace the awkward, and make the most of it. Finally, in spite of a night filled with side glances, silent moments, and awkwardness, it ended up being pretty enjoyable and even more so served as a reminder that sometimes we’re called to be uncomfortable. Awkward and uncomfortable situations will always be a part of our lives, but it these moments that often shape us. In choosing to embrace the weird, and unnatural we are able to grow, to learn, and to open ourselves to trust the Lord. Trust isn’t always about the big situations in our lives, but also the smalls ones, the day to day, from handing in assignments, getting to work on time, or knowing that a birthday dinner will turn out just fine. It’s not always easy to be able to surrender everything to the Lord, but I pray through trusting him in these small moments I can learn to trust him in the big ones. Anyways that’s all for now.

Keegan