Author: Jesse Roca

The 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs start today, and although I’m not a huge hockey fan, I’ll be cheering for the Habs.

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Home

Like most filipinos, I was born into a Christian family. I was baptized as a baby, went to mass on sundays, went to a Catholic elementary school and served as an altar boy. Being Christian was a reality I accepted in my life, and I was happy to support the faith that I grew up with.

Being a Montréaler, people tend to assume that I’m into hockey, which if I’m being perfectly honest, is far from true. However, the Habs are my home-team, and much like an Ottawater cheering for the Sens, a Toronotian supporting the Leafs, or a Vancouverite rooting for the Canuks, I am a Montréaler who will sing “Olé Olé Olé” proudly if the occasion calls for it.

Away

One day I started to seriously question why I root for the Habs. Was it simply a way for my pride as a Montréaler to be manifested? Was it the power of group thinking or me seeking peer acceptance? The answer is that I don’t know! So I decided to find a concrete reason as to why I’m a fan of the Habs in order to validate my stance on their awesomeness. What I re-discovered is that the Habs have won about 25% of all Stanley Cup Playoffs, and even though their last win was in ’93, it still makes them one of the most successful professional sports teams not only in hockey, but in most traditional North American sports. That’s a team I can proudly stand behind.

What is it then that draws me to Christianity? Much like my love for the Habs, I didn’t want my love for Christ to be based solely on the fact that Christianity it’s my home-faith (made up term). So I decided to make a firm claim on why I love living out my faith as a Christian. After some reflection, the answer I settled on is quite simple, which I found in Matthew 22:39, “… you shall love your neighbor as yourself”. This is why I love being Christian and this is why I stand proudly behind our God.

– Jesse R.

P.S. So I guess I love all you Canuks fans even though you guys riot harder than we do, and I suppose I love all you Leafs fans even though the Leafs suck, and I guess I love all you Sens fans even though we’re gonna beat you this Thursday.

Kidding, I love you all sincerely.

73 Days

The last time I came before the Lord in praise, worship and glory was 73 days ago.

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At the beginning of this year I handed down the role of Area Head for CFC-Youth Montreal to John Magtibay, and although I’m now officially recognized as a Mission Volunteer for CFC-Youth Canada, these past few months have been spent in a sort of spiritual isolation.

Since I don’t currently have an official service role yet here in Montreal, I haven’t been attending regular events since they’ve all conflicted with my work schedule. On top of that, other scheduling issues have prevented me from attending SFC events as well. The last gathering I was fortunate enough to attend was an upper household in mid-February, which was the last time I experienced praise & worship.

I know that there are many other ways that the Lord can choose to reveal Himself to me, and I know that there are other ways in which I can share and express the blessings in my life with others, but as I’m sure is the case with many other CFC-Youth’ers, praise & worship has become very dear to my prayer life. I’d be lying if I said that this period of time has been easy on me, especially since I’ve been hearing so many great stories from ILC in the Philippines, but I trust that the Lord always finds a purpose for our suffering.

I really don’t know how the Lord will speak to me the next time I’m lucky enough to worship him with my fellow brothers and sisters in this community, but I know that I shouldn’t have any expectations. If anything, this period of isolation has allowed my perspective to be refreshed, which I’m hoping will allow the Lord to uncover for me something in my life that I may have been oblivious to in the past.

Right now I can say that I’m experiencing a beautiful desperation to meet the Lord in glory, and I hope this attitude is something I’ll be able to adopt fully not only in my worship life, but in all ways I choose to serve the Lord.

– Jesse R.

In 2 months Hannah Pambuan and I will be celebrating our 8 year anniversary, and as crazy as it may seem, marriage has been on our minds ever since day one.

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The very first time I told Hannah that I loved her was in the park behind her house, and just to add some drama I did it the night before she left on a mission trip to the maritimes. Fast forward to today and here we both are serving as Mission Volunteers for CFC-Youth Canada, to which I attribute to God’s amazing plan for our relationship. With both of us actively discerning full-time mission work, where does this leave our relationship? The way I see it, whatever path we’re walking right now will prepare us both to be who God is calling us to be as a husband and wife in the future. So it’s not that we would be putting our relationship on hold for mission work, but rather, mission work will play an active role in discerning our vocations.

Hannah Pambuan is the woman I love, and although I would love nothing more than to marry her right now and have a crap-load of babies, I know that God is calling both of us to do His work so that when the time comes to propose, we’ll know it’s because God has made us both ready in His eyes.

Hannah and I know that we’re not there simply to satisfy one another, but we’re also meant to be a visible sign of God’s love for us all.

Lord God, I pray that you continue to bless the relationship I have with Hannah. May you allow me the grace to always see her as a sister first so that I may be reminded of the task you have given all brothers, to lead our sisters to Heaven. Amen.

– Jesse R.

Some might say that to be derivative is a great sin.

So.

A few weeks ago Pope Francis washed the feet of a woman.
That’s romance baby.

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Recently I’ve become obsessed with the romantic period of european history where some artists insisted that art should be accessible to all people. Rather than sticking to classic forms of literature, a lot of writers decided to use simple language in order to reach out to regular individuals. What compels me is that through this perspective, art is no longer reserved solely for elitist and purists, but is open to people from all walks of life.

After examining the different forms of service in this community over the years I’ve come to a great realization, that God is calling all of us to be artists. We’ve become practitioners of rhetoric, masters in musical theory, amazing creative directors and so much more, but through it all I feel as though God is asking us be be humble in our service by being simple and accessible. God is not reserved for elitists.

Furthermore, in our artistic expressions, I believe that God is calling us to honest in what we do. There’s no need to imitate the FTPW’s or the MV’s, no matter how much we might look up to them, for some might say that to be derivative is a great sin. To become complaisant in our expression of faith is to deny to ourselves that we’re constantly rediscovering who we are.

So.

Be romantic.

– Jesse R.

I frequent a website called reddit, which is basically a large forum where people of the internets gather to share funny pictures, short stories, links to other publications and so much more. The site is divided into sub-reddits, which help classify the myriad of daily posts. There exists a sub-reddit for Christianity which is identified simply as r/Christianity, and there is also a sub-reddit dedicated to atheism, labelled r/Atheism. If you search for r/Christianity+Atheism, both sub-reddits are congregated into a page that is so widely opposing that it’s actually quite disorienting. One post will be speaking of Jesus’ divinity, while the next post is a comic about zombie Jesus hunting people. Although this seems like a strange place to venture, it’s where the Lord has allowed me to grow in my faith.

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A few months ago, CFC-Youth Montreal was present in a meeting with Auxiliary Bishop Thomas Dowd. I forget the exact circumstances, but it came to a point where Bishop Tom felt compelled to share with us an experience which helped in understanding why he has chosen to be man of God. The story goes that Bishop Tom was away at a retreat of sorts, where he experienced a very real and personal encounter with Jesus. It would be impossible for me to describe the encounter he had, but the effect on his life is so clearly reflected in how he speaks of his faith in Jesus. For Bishop Tom, to deny that Jesus is real and present in his life would be like denying the fact that any of us in that meeting were real. That firm belief is something I admire.

After I heard his short testimonial I reflected on whether or not I have ever had such an experience. Sadly, to this day, I can’t say that I have. To encounter Jesus in such a real way is something I greatly desire, and even though I’ve had amazing spiritual experiences in CFC-Youth over the past 10 years, I still cannot fairly make the claim that Jesus is unquestionably real in my life.

So, if I cannot make this claim then why am I still a practicing Catholic?
Because it’s what I choose to believe.

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By exposing myself to places like r/Christianity+Atheism I’ve come to develop an attitude of skepticism when approaching any aspect of my faith. Most people generally frown upon skepticism, mostly because it can prevent someone from discovering the joys of other virtues, but I’ve somehow struck a healthy balance which enables my faith to grow in an informed and extremely personal way. It’s growth through inclusion rather than exclusion.

On r/Christianity+Atheism you’ll come across fundamentalist Christians, and conversely, atheists who are not afraid to step on people’s toes. Seeing daily posts that question Catholic truth is a struggle I willingly accept because I firmly believe, much like Pope Benedict XVI, that our generation must be even more firmly rooted in faith if we are to continue living out our faith in a world that is becoming increasingly faithless. What better way is there than being aware of the opposing questions, knowing the talking points, but most importantly, understanding how this information helps you be a good person.

Perhaps the Lord has demanded my lack of a real encounter as a necessary omission in my faith journey, which I suppose I’m thankful for because it has given me a reason to SEEK. I guess the common denominator that I share with my atheist brothers and sisters is that they’re simply individuals who are searching for something and have not yet found a satisfying answer, to which I applaud, for I would rather search and discover the truth behind Catholic Dogma rather than settling simply to what I’ve been told. Throughout this process I’ve developed a faith that is not 100% aligned with Catholicism, but has enabled a relationship with Jesus that goes beyond the fickle meaning of the word.

Lord, I want to meet you. Until then, I will continue to choose You.

– Jesse R.

P.S. For those brave enough to check out r/Christianity+Atheism, I’ve provided the link for you! http://www.reddit.com/r/Christianity+Atheism

Words are fickle.
The word of God is not.

When I hear or read any word, I have an immediate emotional reaction which is based on my own history with that specific word. As odd as it may seem, we all have a relationship, good or bad, with words. What’s troubling about this reality is that every individual will be drawn to their own subjective understanding of what they’re hearing or reading rather being able to fully appreciate the intended meaning of a speech or text. While this may seem distressing, especially for those of us who lead, this limitation with communication shouldn’t discourage us, but rather, it should challenge us to be even greater in the way we choose to present our faith.

The ability to influence through speech and written testimonials is both uplifting and terrifying. One of my personal struggles has been whether or not I am fair in how I choose to outwardly express my personal beliefs to those around me. I try, to the best of my abilities, to adjust my approach based on the perspective of those I am trying to evangelize, but very recently the Lord has revealed to me that for my words to bear any meaning, they must come from a deeply rooted belief in my anointing as a man called to lead.

Words are fickle.
The word of God is not.

What then is the word of God? Furthermore, how can we possibly invoke the word of God into our brothers and sisters when we’re asked to do so with such a limited capacity for understanding? I think the answer is simple, be good.

Words are fickle.
The word of God is good.

We say “God is good” everyday, but let’s take it farther. When we say “God is good”, let’s be aware that what God is calling us to know is that He IS goodness, and so, His word is good, His good news is good.

We are the word.
The word of God is good.

– Jesse R.