Author: Jeslie Karla Mercado

Lord God,

You know, I don’t know what you want from me anymore. I’d like to say Ive gotten indifferent and distant from you. I can’t hear you. I try to be in silence, for there you speak, but I am becoming impatient. Lord, there are so many things I had gone through and I held on to you. It wasn’t a surprise when you saved and lifted me up. Now, my face is back on the ground again and I am tired lord. This roller coaster of a life is something. You know what they say “it sucks to be me” and “I can’t live with myself anymore.” I used to always try to find ways to better myself, but I never learn and I always fall. I am tired of falling. I am sick of sinning. I am sick of being tempted and falling into temptations. I am just so numb in everything that I have to face, but I guess I am not so numb, for I still try to speak to you.

I look at your photo and you look at me as you point to your sacred heart. What do you want to tell me Lord? That you love me? Are you telling me lord to stand up and everyday is a new day to get better? and that this is the reason I still live because I can be someone you always want me to be? .. Pero Lord why try to be better, when I know along the way I will fall back again? Oh is it because it’s about the journey with you and not the destination? I guess?.. I am just so frustrated right now Lord, I want to say, towards you, but I know it’s because of me. Our relationship is truly something lord. As much as I want to please you, I fail to. As much as I want to be someone I can be proud of, I just fail to. Lord  please tell me, why try?

Luli JKM

Lord,

You truly are something. You knew that coming to work yesterday am(03/26) I was praying to not have a student to precept. As a nurse, I need to be on top of my clients’ health concerns and care, and I like to be in control of my assignment. Though the inevitable still happens, having a student can sometimes add into the craziness of my day, which doesn’t help. I can be proud and independent this way. Got to work and voila! I have a student. It made me anticipate a chaotic day and chaotic day I had. However, you knew better Lord. You knew better!

My patient Mr. R was in a respiratory distress and his heart was compromised. He was my focus most of my shift and if he wasn’t tended to, together with my colleagues we could have lost him. At the same time, I kept thinking of my other patients who are less tended to. I started to feel stressed. Pero Lord, you provided.

I just kept hearing you say, “Anak, I know what you need. You need a student right now. You need one.” And you were right Lord. If it weren’t for my student, I could have neglected two of my other patients and I would have been so swamped and psychologically compromised as well. Not being able to save Mr. R’s life.

I am too proud often to ask for help Lord, you know that. Sometimes, I also doubt your presence. But because of my pride, it separates me from you. Fortunately, you love me and with your divine power, you were able to break that wall that separates us: Helping my colleagues and I save a life and through my student, 2 of your people are cared for. Thank you Lord, for you provide and continue to save lives.

Me again,

LULI JKM

“What we’re starved for in the “starvation diet gospel” is the beauty of truth. When Christian teaching is presented without beauty, heart is turned off, even if what’s being presented is true. Worse still, when Christian teaching is set to an “ugly tune,” for example, when the presentation of truth is tinged with self-righteousness, condemnation, accusation, or judgementalism- the truth come across as an front to our hearts. Our hearts[then] revolt-with good reason: we’re made for beauty. We must have it. We yearn for it. And when the version if Christianity that is presented to us doesn’t supply what we’re looking for, we seek it elsewhere.” — Christopher West

When you do the sign of the cross to bless your food, do you look at your plate and take the time to appreciate what’s on it? Or you just do the sign of the cross, pray the before meals prayer and dig in? Or go directly to your phone, while you eat, or chat with your friends? Or do you pause and think of those who wish they could eat what you could?

Lord God,

I am guilty of all the above, not really paying attention on how fortunate I am for having a complete meal. Often times, with colleagues, friends, and CFC-youth/SFC bros and sis, we go to high-end restaurants and proudly take expensive food selfies.

–Child, it may seem to be a good buy for the quality of food, but it must not be a reason to over indulge and ignore the fact that there are those who hunger and thirst. Those who you can even help. Also, you don’t even get to finish your meal right and often  you just throw away the left over, just because you don’t want to bring it home.

In the CFC community, must we not strive to be more like you Lord humble, and selfless?

Yes, us missionaries aim to spiritually feed our brothers and sisters with your word and promises, but Lord please always remind us that we must not ignore the physical needs of the poor specially when we could do something about it: ANCOP, Rev-up, BCOP. Besides each of us are called to be Champion of the Poor right Lord?

Lord God please send your angels to always remind us to “choose the ‘most humble’ purchase” – Papa Francesco

Love,

JKM luli

“Store your treasures in heaven”

Dear Lord,

I think you are truly testing me. I often pray for you to teach me to be like Mama Mary: her purity of heart, mind, humility, and all that she is. Of course, like always, you put me in circumstances to strive to be just like that. Lord, it is not easy. I still see myself to be too proud and self-righteous.

Lord, for many years, mom and I didn’t have the greatest relationship: sin after sin, but you have overcome just so we would have the taste of heaven into our home. You truly have turned our relationship from water into wine. You have also planted in my heart and my being the importance and the love of a family. I can as well say that with the help and love of CFC- family, I have established values that I am truly proud of and stand up for.

On the other hand Lord, I feel too proud and righteous now that my friend is living with us due to a family conflict that made her leave her home. Similar to where my mom and I once were. I should be more empathetic, but I often see myself imposing my stand on family on her, a know-it-all. I wanted her to see how blessed she can be if she chooses her family. It frustrates me to see her depend on her own and not on you as much I’d like her to (given that of course I don’t know her prayer life). See what I mean Lord? I am self-righteous right?

Then again you continue to reach me many times through Papa Francesco’s homily on March 2. You spoke to me,

“[Anak] It is easy to judge others, but we can only progress on our Christian journey in life if we are capable of judging ourselves first.” – Papa Francesco

–> Anak how can I turn your friend’s life from water into wine, if you won’t let me? Just please be with her and let her know I love her, and that I will never forsake her. She doesn’t need anyone else’s stand but my stand. Just please let me use you Jes. This is the time to be like my Mother Mary.

It’s so easy for me to judge, when really I am doing so much worst. Lord please send your Archangel Michael to fight on my behalf when I tend to lean on my own understanding, pride, and righteousness.

Love,

JKM luli

“store your treasures in heaven”- Matthew 6:20