Author: Genny Boquiren

Last weekend, I went to Victoria with my counterpart to conduct a Household Leaders’ Training and Camp Training. Although I love going to the island, as a result of my love for the mission and the people I serve with and for, I felt my heart held back even a tiny bit. I was saddened that I would be missing the debut of one of the sisters I really care for. Then I started thinking of all the possible events or occasions I will be called to sacrifice for the sake of the mission. And I was moved to even greater sadness.

Until I reflected on Christ. Christ did not hold back on giving His all for the mission of our salvation; His body, blood, soul and divinity in the institution of the Eucharist, His life on the Cross, and His Mother at the foot of the cross before His last breath. I, too, am called to give my all without reservation all because of love.

My Jesus, grant me the grace to serve You wholeheartedly. Let me love You through my acts of submission, and not just through my words. Mother Mary, I ask for your prayers that I may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen. 

For more than three years now, the Lord has blessed me so much with a job that allowed me to return to school full-time and is so understanding of my service in the community; thus not demanding weekend hours to compensate for my weekdays off. How I survived two years of part-time work and full-time school, but remained financially self-sufficient is beyond me. I tried to make sense of it all, but it only came down to this – the Lord provides.

Now that I’ve graduated, I had to embark on an adventure that I have been away from for awhile – job hunting. I was very picky at the start of my applications because I had an idea of my capabilities and accomplishments so I believed I knew what would fit me. I also had the perfect work schedule in mind; Monday to Friday 9-5pm. The reason I was so picky is because I didn’t want my time for service to be lessened. Anything that mentioned weekends and “can work evenings” in the description, I immediately ignored. I was in control. But like everything in the past that I took to my hands and tried to control, nothing was going right. I wasn’t getting any call backs and the only replies I got were of regrets and polite apologies.

It’s a shame that it had to take me a series of unfortunate events to be reminded that He is God and I am not. But I’m grateful for these events for they made my stubborn heart submit to the One who controls it all. Upon reflection of how God has always provided for me, I started to apply more and trust that He already has the perfect job for me, I just need to let His plans happen the way He wants. And the Lord is so good! Just when I surrendered everything in prayer, He gave me all I wanted and more! Just this week, I got hired at a Monday to Friday 9-5pm office job in line with my field of study plus a chance to become a certified scuba diver (even though I only float by paddling like a dog)! It’s so awesome how the Lord completely blows my mind and gives me chances to venture more of what’s foreign to me.

Despite all of the times I have selfishly complained, constantly doubted, and consistently denied graces, He still provides. He gives me what I need at His own time and only asks for me to trust. He is unchanging despite my inconsistencies. He counters my sinful and doubtful nature with His abundance and faithfulness.

Father, most abundant and merciful, Your love for me continues to renew me everyday. Keeper of my heart, ruler of my life, saviour of my soul, enlighten me and guide me all the days of my life. Pray for me O holy mother of God, that I may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Amen.

Upon careful assessment of myself during last year’s Advent, I have finally come to accept a fact that I avoided coming to terms with; I lack discipline. The classic pride in me kept making a lot of excuses as to why I was not progressing in getting over my bad habits. The classic lazy in me kept giving up whenever I’d realize how far I am from what I want to be. A couple of bad habits that I have, which may not seem like a big deal (I’m saying this because it didn’t seem like a big deal to me before), was my inconsistency in eating and my lack of water intake.

I am not a health guru nor do I aspire to be. I have just come to realize that my physical legitimate needs were not being met. In Matthew Kelly’s 7 Levels of Intimacy, he briefly touched upon the 4 legitimate needs we have in this life. He mentioned that legitimate needs are given to us by God as “clues to happiness, clues to thriving” and when they are achieved, we feel better about ourselves and our lives. I want to do a lot of things while I am in this world. Even though God made me for the sole purpose of being with Him in Heaven, He put me here so that I may show Him, although imperfect as I am, that I will strive to live to glorify Him with all that He’s given me.

My love for the mission will be hard to put into action if I am physically incapable. Service in the community requires a lot and it has taken its toll on me in the past. When I am swamped with tasks, I do forget to eat sometimes. It has become such a bad habit that even when I’m not busy, I still forget to eat (sleep, social media, text people > food). Because of this, I knew that I had to do something. So now, with the grace of God, I’ve been eating and drinking water regularly.

But I still struggle with consistency. One day, my  meal alarm went off and I thought to myself, “I am not starving. I’ll eat later.” And immediately I realized why I fail in my efforts to discipline myself; I only do things when it reaches its point of extreme necessity. I tend to put things off because they seem unnecessary at the moment. Just because my stomach isn’t grumbling, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t eat. Just because my throat isn’t dry from thirst, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t drink. And on to deeper things. Just because a sister of mine in Christ doesn’t seem to need my help, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t initiate on catching up with her. And just because I’m not struggling, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t strive to pray more.

Lord, help me in my hopes to be excellent for You. Root my desires, resolutions, and aspirations only in You. Mother Mary, let me look upon the virtues you so greatly possess. I ask that you grant me the grace to imitate them. Amen.

I have always been a firm believer that the Lord plants a desire in our hearts for us to know what He’s calling us to do. Although I still believe in this, I developed a twisted view of this truth for I have used it for selfish reasons. “This can’t possibly be what the Lord wants for me for I do not desire this”, or “I’m so good at this. I want to do this. This is what the Lord wants for me!”, are some of the words I fooled myself with. For a period of time, this is what I based my “discernment” on.

Now I definitely did not want to become a Mission Volunteer. It seemed very unnatural for me to put myself in a position where I know more will be asked of me. So that’s why declining to apply was a no-brainer. Now why am I here? Applications were closed and the Regional MV Interview just happened, but He kept knocking. I could not understand why after all the times I’ve said no, He still calls me. And that is when the floodgates opened (a.k.a. I bawled). He stirred my heart and comforted me to say yes. And because He wills it, He made a way. The next day is when the announcement came that applications are extended. Praise God!

Having this kind of mindset not only blinded me, but it also made me realize that I have been limiting the Lord. I have been limiting the Lord’s greatness to what I am comfortable doing, what I think I can handle, and what I understand. I, who am nothing compared to Him, a speck of dust, a mere human, dared to limit the Almighty! Sometimes I laugh with shame and disappointment at how arrogant I can be. But the Lord continues to humble me for He continuously calls me.

So what is my desire? It dawned on me as I reflected on the mysteries of the rosary. When in times of doubt and confusion, I look to Christ and Mary. What is it that they desire the most? Mary did not know the entirety of the Father’s plan but she still said yes with joy. Christ did not plan to suffer the way He did but He still suffered without complaints. They only desired to glorify God and show their love for Him. The suffering came with that desire. But so did joy, humility and peace. If I want to glorify God, there’s no other heart that I should mold mine to but theirs. 

Merciful Father, keeper of my heart. Let me desire only You. Not comfort, not certainty, not temporary satisfaction. Prune the undesirable in me, stretch my heart, detach me from worldly comfort. Be my only comfort and joy. Mother, my refuge and strength, intercede for me. Amen.