Author: Gabby Pador

This week I had our first Unit HH as a unit. All I can say by the end of our night is I can see our hearts is on fire to serve and flourish the community. Which I did not expect, I only expected that they only have an urge but I was wrong which I’m grateful.

The reason why I didn’t expect that drive to have a strong community is that I was losing hope, it just occurred to me as I wrote this. Slowly but surely, that fire of hope was disappearing to the point that I didn’t have high expectations for my unit. It was just especially hard when the small discouragement piles, you don’t realize it until it’s big enough that you start paying attention and try to start cleaning it and overwhelms you.

This is wake up call for me because if I’m losing hope in my Unit, I’m basically saying I’m losing trust on God with His plan for us.

So, having our first HH now, I have high hopes and expectation for our future as a community and as a unit because my unit affirmed me with the fire in their hearts that we will fan each other’s flames so that we don’t lose hope again and we will be stronger as a unit to build His kingdom.

So recently I attended and helped in a KFC assembly for the first time. I had no expectations coming in but I was so overwhelmed with emotions by the end of that night. Mostly I felt joy. Just being in the room with them made me so happy. Their joy was so contagious, I can’t help but just laugh with them and enjoy their presence. By the end of the night, their joy is so contagious that I found myself slowly acting like child too(or maybe it was just heightened because I kinda act like child, I don’t know). That’s how contagious the joy was.

I was so glad I was able to do this because they reminded me how to act like a child again or what I mean is truly see how a childlike-heart can spread so much love with ease. Also how powerful and pure a childlike heart.

I’m so grateful I was able to attend because my first encounter with the KFCs was not the greatest, it wasn’t this assembly. It was during a CFC conference happened in Ottawa and us YFC were ask to help out and take care the kids and I think help out the Rock team. I said, “I think” because it was in my early years in YFC(really don’t know what’s happening, I just went). Whatever they are planning did not happen. I think we managed every kid to listen and seated for maybe 10 min, after that it was chaos for the whole day(literally). By the end we kinda gave up and let them be, someone even bought toys from the dollar store and let them be for the whole day.

As I reflected I found myself asking this question, ‘why do I see my first encounter negative point of view? Why did I experience differently in the KFC assembly? Both gave joy at the end of it?’. I realize now it is because we lost control over the kids. I’m that guy who wants to be able to control and be able to stay on tract, and back then the idea of not controlling was very hard. Obviously, that won’t happen, especially with KFC, you need to adapt and accept whatever is happening and move on. Which I did in the recent assembly, this made me enjoy and fully experience what God has to offer at that moment. At the moment was the kids, even though there were some things that didn’t go as planned or as smooth same for the recent assembly I was able enjoy fully embrace what is God offering at that moment, unconditional love through the kids.

My share of my experience in the assembly
Well I was fortunate that I was ask to present the Gospel which I thought I got this, I’ll just add some more interactive stuff for the kids to be more engage than usual(from YFC). Be more energetic in my delivery. As I presented I was like ‘damn tough crowd’ so I tried to make it more engaging to listen but that took so much energy from me. Also I notice if I spent too long on a topic you can tell and feel that they are getting board real fast which I never felt before. I have so much respect now to Rock heads and leaders because it takes so much energy in just delivering a talk. If you add the handling the kids too, I’m just in awe to all KFC leaders.

Also, I was shock and amaze in some of the kids on how knowledgeable they are about the faith. In my mind “I was how do you know this I just learnt this not too long ago! Some of the kids probably know more than me”. Which was like reminder for me to step up my knowledge in my faith (don’t want loose from a kid).

This whole experience made me realize how important and impactful KFC is. Their contagious joy and love can spread to so much people. Combine that with the knowledge of our faith they could be or they are the messengers of God spreading the purest joy and love to the world. They could make an impact to the world and touch every single person. Only if they learn about the faith which KFC is doing.

So yesterday I just had our first quarterly leaders meeting of the year, we talked about victories that happened through our pastoral track and concern. Also on how to improve and move forward on our formation track. Having this meeting made me so excited for our future as a community. Dreaming and wanting that one day that Ottawa will have a well-established community where active members out number leaders (we’re getting their!). To forming the new leaders of the community. To this new leaders that will replace us and lead the new generation of people. Into maybe one day be a region by its self-called “The Capital Region” which was another brother’s dream for Ottawa which it became my dream as well (it has a nice ring to it, especially in awards ceremony calling our ‘region’ THE CAPITAL REGION!).

But my excitement came to a halt from the learning curve that we are facing as leaders and CCs. There is so much I want for this community but as we go through the learning curve, all I’m thinking about is when will this learning curve end so that we could thrive as a community not survive. I can feel the urge or that fire in our hearts from every leader that we want to build the community and flourish so when we step down in our roles they will take over.

Sometimes I have thoughts that my community will one day come to end, which is one of my biggest fears. A brother has asked me ‘how is still Ottawa still alive for all this years?’. All I said was ‘I don’t know’, I truly didn’t know why because if I list our struggles you would think that any point at that time it will end. This was me seeing the community with a very negative lens or what I mean is I did not look at this community in what God sees in  this community. I was blinded by the negatives things, I couldn’t see how much blessings and work he has done to my community. But now I’ve come to realize that God was working and still working in our lives, and if I list the blessings and the gifts he has given for this community it surpasses any other list.

Which is very fitting to yesterdays Gospel (John 15:1-8)

The Vine and the Branches
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

We are the vines and God is the gardener which I think what God is doing right now to the Ottawa community. He’s taking away the branches that doesn’t bear fruit which basically the correction of our actions and concerns that we may have for the community be taken away. And the branches that bear fruit are pruned is like going through the struggles that we face in the community will bear fruit and multiply receiving and revealing His great plan. Even though pruning can be harsh(cutting part of the branch) like struggles we may face, we need to go though it in order the fruit to multiply into what God has in store for us. Also that we cannot do it with out Him, He is the one that gives us the energy to bear fruit.

This can only happen in time, plants need time to grow so as God’s great plan for us. As we wait, one day we will receive the fruits that we have grown and multiplied, only time.

Even though we may face struggles in the community or anything as long as we keep His word and strive to build His kingdom He will definitely take away the bad branches in our lives and prune the branches that bear fruits in our lives so that we may receive His overflowing fruits that He had planed to give us. We just need to be patient.

It will come.

Today I had a fruitful 1 on 1 with a brother. I was so excited because it was our first time having a 1 on 1 with each other. I really wanted to know this brother more since I knew this brother for a very long time, since I joined YFC. I found out it was his first 1 on 1 since his first camp. Which I was not surprise because I was in the same situation last year when I had my first “official” 1 on 1(I tried having 1 on 1s but I think I ended up just hangouts because I didn’t know better).

As I checked up on him I found out that this brother is struggling spiritually, so I tried my best to help this brother. As he explained the reason why it’s a struggle I realize that we had similar mind set before when I too was struggling. I saw myself in his shoes. So, I tried my best telling him how I spiritually grew in my faith because that’s the only thing I know. But in the back of my mind I know that it will be not the same journey as what I’ve experience. I know that each of us will have our own unique and special journey to know him personally. That’s why our relationship with God is so special because its personal. That’s why I struggled a bit to help this brother.

In the end, I just said I will journey with you. Because I can only do so much. I can’t really force him to have a relationship with God, I can only show him. He needs to seek and find it on his own. I can only do is be there for this brother, be accountable for this brother.

As I reflected at home I was baffled on how we are in different stages in our faith with about the same length of time growing. Why could just God help this brother since I had a similar experience? This brother deserves the relationship that I’m experiencing.

Then I reminded myself that He has a plan for this brother and for myself. Maybe this is his plan, He is using me as a vessel to help this brother. That’s why especially through these challenges this brother and myself need to be patients. God knows the perfect time for everything.

We just need to be patient with great fortitude and that time will come and God will provide in tenfold. And no matter what stage you are in your faith there is always some you can help and be accountable too and help in their faith.

Lord, I just ask for your patient and fortitude especially for this brother because we just want to fully embrace your unconditional love.

Amen.

Gabby Pador

Last Sunday was when the freezing rain storm hit Ottawa resulting small number of parishioners came for mass. Father highlighted the word committed, on how those who came risk their lives to receive the Eucharist, it shows commitment. How nothing should be a barrier to see or do anything for God because he suffered and died for us.

It made me think a lot on my commitment with God. Questioning myself “Am I committed” if so “Am I committed in all aspects?” etc.

It stuck with me because its exam month, so busy studying (almost over). But my momentum of journaling and doing daily readings from lent kind of got side track. And my prayers life is still their but all over the place. I felt that I’m not as committed this week because of exams.

Commitment is a very heavy word. I think it contains so much meaning. But essentially how great you show your love and dedication through just action. Easy to say but one the hardest to do in life. Maybe the hardest thing in life.

When I think of the word commitment it’s kinda scary or it is scary because your accepting all the challenges and barriers, especially the unknown (which is the hardest for me). The thing I struggle or feel worry about especially committing to God is accepting all His “rules” and wishes and that I will follow that perfectly. Anything other than perfect is a failure to commit (which technically it is).

But as I reflected more I think part of the meaning of commitment is when you keep trying, even if you fall you keep striving and looking for God. When you fail or times get rough, it doesn’t mean you can’t be committed anymore, I think it could be an opportunity to show how committed and willing you are for our God. Like what Jesus did as he carried the cross, He fell three times but He kept going, it truly shows through his actions on how much He loves us so much.

So, the best way to show my love for God and my commitment is through my action, especially when things get tough. It highlights how much you care and willing to do whatever it takes. Which is kinda awesome how are take home quote from my last night’s meeting is “don’t tell me show me”.

Lord I just want to ask for your strength and guidance so that I can be committed to you with all my heart and soul in everything I do. And that any boundaries or obstacles that I may face I will overcome them because you have committed your life for me, and I just want to do the same back to you. Amen.

Gabby Pador

Last Sunday, I had a group discussion with my music min in my parish about that day’s gospel. With the leader’s different perspective on how Thomas’ feelings might have been when Jesus appeared to his disciples when Thomas was not there. Her perspective was Thomas might have been jealous or questioned Jesus in a way. She expressed how it might have really sucked for Thomas for missing Jesus appearance after the whole “squad” (Jesus disciples) saw Jesus while he was out. (he really missed out. lol)

Why did Jesus do that? Could Jesus have just waited for Thomas? Thomas could have been just away for maybe just going to the bathroom or something for all we know (that would really suck if that happen).

So, we discussed and shared how we might have been jealous or felt missed out on. As we are sharing, the common theme was jealousy of God’s gift in other people. One that struck me was a sharer was jealous of the “God encounters or God moments” that the people whom he surrounds himself with.

That stayed in my head for quite a while because I thought I was alone in that mind set. It brought me to my early years being in the community. How you will encounter a lot deep shares in the community. I was kind of jealous of them because I thought my life is boring or basic, I wanted more drama in my life (that’s so stupid). That my faith is not strong because I didn’t go through struggles that they had. That I need those moments to be closer to God or something.

But the root of it I think I was just jealous on other people on how they experience God. That’s what I wanted. Asking myself why don’t I have those moments? Why can’t I have those moments?

As I reflected that, I was just so amaze how different I was. How I wanted to have struggles. I was in shock that I was jealous for wrong reasons, how I used to do that a lot and didn’t even realized it until now. Looking back, I’m just so grateful that God really didn’t gave me to much “drama” in my life.

Maybe this is how Thomas might have felt.

This was a great reminder for always ask what God wants me to do in the situation that I was placed in. Even if you think the thing you’re “missing out” on will help you in the future etc. There is a purpose on how God reveals himself in us, but we should not forget that God is trying to reveal himself to everyone always, even if we feel our lives is so “bland” or “basic”. We think God reveals himself big or small ways but it is always big. We just need to perceive it differently. We just need to look more for the reason because there is a purpose in all things He do.

Gabby Pador

This past couple months was a rollercoaster ride of my faith in trusting God’s plan for me, especially surrounding my application process of becoming a MV. Every message I received, every action I made, and every prayer I said, I felt that my heart will explode. It even got to the point almost every week I would have a random 5 min mental breakdown(exaggerating) out of nowhere. In class, in the bus, or when I was about to sleep(I hate that).

Like I said rollercoaster!

Part of the reason why I’m having random “mental breakdowns” is my fears and doubts on what God has possible in store for me, lacking trust in God’s plan. I’m not saying I don’t believe His plan for me. There is just some days that is hard for me to fully embrace His plans because it falls on how I sometime feel lacking or unworthy on the things He is calling me to do especially if He calls me to be an MV. So, I kept asking for him to give me strength and courage to overcome those walls. But those thoughts kept lingering in my head.

So, after I went to confession this week, I was praying and found myself thinking how grateful I am where God has worked through my life and through the people I surround with. I was amaze how interconnected our lives with each other. How His works is so complex but He made it happen and it’s amazing

On that point I realized He had guided my past with no fail. He will guide my future with no fail. I don’t need to doubt or fear because He already proved to me that He will guide me to whatever He has in store.

Through our lifetime, I think God is constantly trying to gain our trust but we stubbornly doubt it even though its right in front of our eyes.

Like in yesterday’s Gospel “The Walk to Emmaus” there are two followers and was told that Jesus is alive but did not believe it as they were telling Jesus himself who they did not recognize. But Jesus kept showing without telling them that He is Jesus.

Even though in the future I might doubt again with His plan, I have this great reminder to open my eyes again that He will guide me through this rollercoaster, for I know His plan for each of us is great. But for now, I might have to just sit tight, hold on my dear life, scream my heart out, and enjoy to see the great things that God has in store for me. (WOOO!!!!)

Gabby Pador