Author: Fred Balce

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that
I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am
actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for You are ever with me,
and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

– Prayer of Thomas Merton

It’s such a beautiful phenomenon that all over the world, specific parts of nature grow. You’ll never find cactus growing naturally in BC. You’ll never see pine trees growing in the desert. Seaweed won’t sprout out in the prairie, and you won’t find wheat underwater. You’d think it to be unfair. Why did God not just create a super plant that can grow everywhere and provide every kind of nutrient? Why have them only thrive in some areas, but perish in others?

Now imagine yourself as a blade of grass. Tiny, boring, and seemingly unimportant. Why can’t you be more like a tree? Why can’t you be more like an exotic flower? Why can’t you provide like wheat does? There seems to be something wrong with grass if it can’t really fulfill anything.

But that’s where the beauty of the Lord truly shines. Yes, you are a blade of grass, but you are not unimportant. You make up an entire ecosystem that the world needs. You provide the necessary nutrients for the livestock that the world needs. The best part is, no one else can do that job! Imagine an exotic flower trying to survive in the environment you’ve grown accustomed to. It’d whither and die trying to be like you, and vice versa. If any other plant tried replacing you, it couldn’t because you are irreplaceable. You are the only one who can do your job the best.

As creations of God, just like all of nature, we are given EXACTLY what we need to achieve the purpose we were created for. There is no use in trying to be like someone else, or feel like you aren’t made for whatever it is you are doing. The Lord created you in His image, so there’s no way He’d make a mistake.

We all have strengths that make us unique, and we should not look down upon them or see them as inadequate. We were fearfully and wonderfully made, and it’s time we see ourselves as just that.

The past few months have been hard for me to be honest. I haven’t felt so dry in the longest time, and I thought, being in the Community long enough, I’d know better than to let the dryness get the better of me. But it did. This post isn’t really meant to inspire or provide any deep insight, but as a fellow Catholic and most important brother in Christ, I owe it to everyone who prayed and cared for me an explanation.

After finishing school with a diploma in December, I thought that finding work and being able to finally start growing up would all just come right after. I finished with a counselling diploma, but I knew I wasn’t quite ready to jump right into the counsellor’s seat, so I thought my credentials could at least provide me with some sort of introductory career in the field of mental health.

It was really discouraging for the first couple of months, but I had the support of my loved ones and especially my CFC-Youth family to help keep my spirits up. But it was just rejection after rejection, less and less call backs, and more reasons to not believe in myself and want to push through. My prayer life definitely suffered, all my hard work in fighting lust and plans of becoming a better man of God went down the drain.

But I kept keeping up appearances, as if that all of a sudden made things better for myself and those around me. But all I did was lie, hide, and avoid.

It wasn’t until East Cluster’s Discovery Camp which literally just happened this past weekend that the Lord decided to show me how my suffering meant anything. How it finally made sense why I felt the way I felt.

One of my best friend’s was giving the last talk of DC, and all I kept thinking was, “Wow”. Knowing her from before and seeing her growth and seeing her push through her struggles and everything just finally came together for her at this moment to give one of the most moving talks I’ve ever heard. Maybe it was because of how close I was to her, maybe it was how she spoke with realness and understanding. But I knew from that point on I wanted to be like that. I was sick and tired of the dryness and at that moment, I completely and fully surrendered myself to the Lord at that point in time. I confidently gave him my hurts, pains, doubts, agony, and sadness because I wanted to so badly be with Him.

After her talk, I couldn’t even affirm her properly because so much was going on in my head. All my anguish and sorrow was meant for the Lord to take at that time. I’m still hoping and praying for my career to get underway, but I know if I ever feel dry again, I don’t want to wait around for another DC, I don’t want to wait around for some event and hope that it has that same effect on me. I want to lift everything up I have to Him NOW. Not at WNAC, not at the next CA or cluster event, but Right. Gosh Darn. Now.

I was asked to help lead a Confirmation Retreat done by CFC-Youth, and I was very willing to be a part of it, but was quite unaware of how the Lord would challenge me that weekend. I ended up having to play songs on guitar for the retreat but it was only two songs I needed to learn and I’m not particularly an amazing guitar player… I don’t even know most chords. That was reasonable and since it was only two songs, no big deal right? But what really got me out of my comfort zone wasn’t playing for the retreat, but I was asked to play guitar for the CFC Christian Life Program that was occurring the day before the retreat.

Deep breathing. Wide eyes. Growing doubt. Heartbeats that felt like hammers pounding in my chest.

Just to name a few things I was feeling the moment I was asked to play a couple of hours before the CLP started. The term ‘Mission ready’ couldn’t have fit any better. But if it weren’t for the yes and the initial willingness to serve, I wouldn’t have been able to witness this:

This was taken during Nica Agregado’s talk entitled “God & Me”. I had no idea of the reward of overwhelming joy that would follow from this point on until the end of the retreat. If I decided to doubt in my anointing and my talents then the Lord’s plan for me would’ve had a quick ending without allowing it to unfold and influence me. The weekend reminded me of how the Lord is CONSTANTLY reaching out to me every day and is always asking me to trust in His plan. The weekend allowed me to reflect if I’m even responding to Him in the first place. I pray that every individual keeps in mind a mission ready heart, ready to be tested and rewarded by the Lord and His mercy.

This is definitely one of my top favourite songs ever, and specifically this version of it. It’s simple yet powerful, calming but moving, quiet but speaks volumes in the soul. Everything about this song is straightforward and doesn’t beat around the bush with its message.

And His glory appears like a light from the sun

Enjoy a little piece of my heaven here on earth!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1dbfwxCsmg

This past weekend was Pacific Region’s MCG Retreat where all the new members that just stepped up into the Mission Core Group would attend.
Although the weekend was supposed to teach them the anointing they received was given by God, it wasn’t what stood out to me the most. My single greatest and most joyous highlight was during our informal fellowship when we were playing ‘Minute To Win It’ and the game we were playing required you to move a cookie from your forehead to your mouth. Sounds kind of silly at first…… and it totally is. You can imagine the kinds of faces people were making in order to move the cookie accordingly! “Eye Of The Tiger” played in the background and EVERYONE was participating. It was a beautiful moment of joy, humility, fellowship, and most importantly being a fool. Everyone’s walls were torn down and it didn’t matter whether you really knew the other person or not, we were all in this crazy zone of craziness happening and we could honestly care less. The Lord’s joy was so evident in that room, and from where I was standing the Spirit was very present within each and every person.  In all this silliness, the Lord wanted to remind us that sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. That sometimes, we need a break and have that ability to become like a child all over again, cause after all…

 ^“Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Mark 10:15 (RSV)

While struggles are a very personal and intimate experience one can uniquely have alone, I don’t like to believe it’s something that is meant to be suffering with alone.

Everyone comes from some form of struggle, obstacle, hindrance that prevents them from a desired end result whether the struggle is physical, emotional, mental, financial, environmental, etc. But does that not make us all, in essence, struggling? As well, who are we to judge whether our struggle is more or less than compared to another’s? We all deal with our own problems, but comparing them to others is not a sensible approach to it. We all come from somewhere with brokenness in our background and so instead of judging, comparing, looking down on others and such, we should be helping to carry others through their struggles.

This truth is very evident in my past and present households, in my relationships, and most importantly in my daily encounter with Christ. We are meant to have suffering and struggles, but we are not meant to handle them by ourselves. With everyone coming from a different point of struggle, we are able to uplift and empower those people that we love with our own wisdom, knowledge, care and prayers.