evonyjane – Page 2 – True North Missionaries Journal

1/52: Gracious God

Walking into 2013, I made no resolutions, I set no specific goals, and I had no expectations. You could say that I surrendered my proverbial pen and gave way for God to write my next year! And since He is our creator and author of life, He put together an impeccable story!

It was filled with new adventures and action. There was mystery and intrigue and even romance, nothing was spared. 2013 came and went like a flash of light; allowing only enough time to live life moment by moment. When I think about everything that has happened this past year, I’m surrounded by images of people, places, emotions and experiences. All of which individually different, yet very much the same. The same because each person and place, emotion and experience were just different ways God surrounded me with HIS love.

How fortunate am I, a mere sinner, to be blessed in such immense proportions? And that’s just it… I am fortunate to have such a gracious God… we all are!!! Our Lord chooses everyday to love us past our yesterdays and despite our unworthiness. And its because of that fact that I can boldly walk into 2014 knowing His graciousness will continue to abound in my life.

I pray you are assured of the same truth!

Happy New Year everyone, God Bless you always… =)

Ready & Willing

“While being on mission, it’s such a blessing to hear mass in different parishes, said by different priests. There’s beauty in variety yet amidst the many differences, the message hits home the same way. ” — myself

Yesterday our gospel was about the Prodigal Son; a fan favourite parable! It talks of mercy, of forgiveness, of being lost, of going ‘home’, of love and of acceptance. As the priest recounted the message behind the gospel and reminded us of our Lord’s extreme love for us… it brought to mind the words ready & willing.

Both the father and the son exemplified the meanings for both of those words during both the pre- and post-departure. Pre-departure: The son seemed to have made up his mind and was ready to ask for half of his share. Most people wouldn’t dare ask such a lofty question, yet he was willing enough to bring his concern before his father. Upon hearing the son’s request, and I’m sure against his better judgement, the father was ready to hand over the son’s share of the land & earnings and willingly did so. I say willingly because there was no catch, there was no bargain, there was no stipulation. Post-departure: After he gambled and spent everything that was given to him, the son came to a point where he realized he didn’t have to live that life because his father was wealthy and had more than enough provisions. At some point, we can assume that the son had to struggle with setting his pride aside to even think of going back to the father he turned away from. In that process he became ready & willing to seek out his father and admit his faults. The father, I like to believe, was always ready and willing for his son’s return. When his son came home he was more than ready and willing to love him, accept him, and forgive him.

Both men showed their readiness and willingness to one another. Both seemed secure enough in their relationship to be able act in readiness and willingness with whatever they set their hearts to. This is what makes this parable so beautiful and so highly applicable to our everyday lives.

If we were to put ourselves in this parable, God will always play the role of the Father. Always ready and willing to love us, accept us, forgive us and embrace us. He will always celebrate our return to him. He will always forget all transgressions we’ve committed against Him. He will always be ready and willing to love us through both our best and worst. That’s how much worth he places on each of us. We, on the other hand, quickly relate to the character of the son. We get caught up with what the world deems as necessary, we take our claims to our Father and demand something, as though we’re entitled. Instead of handling things with care, we waste them on cheap flings and temporary highs only to find ourselves exhausted, used up and unfulfilled. But like the son, we need to acknowledge our own weaknesses and be willing to turn back to our Father, our Lord.

It isn’t always about How God is ready and willing to love us, that’s a given! It’s more about how ready and willing we are to go back to him, to ask for forgiveness, to plead for mercy. How ready and willing are we to die to ourselves and seek the life that our Father in Heaven wants to adorn us with? How ready and willing are we to pick up our crosses and walk with Him? How ready and willing are we to fully trust that whatever He has in store for us is exactly what we need; more than we could have ever dreamed to ask or hope for?

Like the Father in the parable, our God is slow to anger and quick to love. He has more than enough provisions to ensure us a life of fulfillment and true happiness in Him. He will always toil in preparation for our return to Him, and when we do return, not only will we be welcomed with open arms but a celebration will be thrown, for one of His children, one of His lost sheep has found it’s way back home.

Father, May we listen to your still small voice and be guided back to your side. Mama Mary, please pray for our souls and for the souls whom have no one to pray for them.

Got me

It’s been a little over 4 months since returning from the Philippines and really starting life as a FTPW. It’s sometimes hard to believe just how much has happened, just how much has been accomplished in such a short period of time. This journey, thus far, has been filled with heartache, with laughter, with victory and with delays. But the one thing that’s very clear in all of that, is that He’s got me.

This profound, yet oh-so simple reality, is something that can easily be missed. In the daily grind of life, in the craziness in our heads, in the messiness of our emotions… we can easily forget that our Lord has us and is in control. But it can be the other way. If we choose, we can hold on to that fact and walk boldly into this loud and busy world knowing that Christ is with us and within us.

You worry less, you handle things better, you serve with joy and you live in true harmony with those around you. Sure things might not go according to plan, events might not happen on time and people might let you down… but in the end of it all, God has you.

He always has, He does, and always will.

Mother-daughter relationship <3

I’ve known about Mama Mary for quite some time now. See I went to a catholic school from K-12 and then have been a part of this community for about half my life. But my knowledge, love and appreciation for her hasn’t always been on the up and up…

In elementary: When I was really young I used to think she was so cool because her crown was made of stars, not to mention that she was always depicted wearing one of my favorite colors!
In junior high: I started to notice more about her physical features. I noticed her fair features, her simple smile, and her constantly open arms. She always looked so peaceful and I remember wondering if it was humanly possible to be that at peace!?
In high school: I was very fixated in finding out about my relationship with Christ, that I focused only on that, paying very little attention to her.
In university: I started to really get to know her… but I felt as though hearing her out meant that I had to do something that I didn’t want to do, let alone think I was ever ready to do. So I ran away from her, seeking my own way.
In my career: Through prayer and growing in my relationship with Christ, I felt more and more drawn to her. I was more willing to get to know her, more willing to grow in love and appreciation for her.

As you can see, we haven’t had the best mother-daughter relationship, but it certainly has come a long way from where it used to be. It went from admiration, to curiosity, to absence, to refusal, to acceptance, to now. And what is it now do you ask?

It’s all of the above! I admire Mama Mary for her obedience and complete trust in our Lord. I can’t even begin to think about how I would react if I was told that I would give birth to the redeemer of the world; and she handled it with such grace, strength and surrender. I’m so curious about her. I want to learn about her, her family, her role. I want to understand what the bible tells of her, I want to understand her love for us; her love for me. I am absent from and refuse what the ‘world’ thinks of my devotion to her. Deep reverence and devotion to our Mother does not mean that I am becoming a Sister, it simply means I see the importance of knowing my heavenly mother now. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being a Sister, in fact I believe it is one of the most beautiful vocations, but I choose to not equate my relationship with Mama Mary as a means to an end, this is just the beginning! I accept her for all that she is and all that she wants to do for me; for us.

It’s quite funny, and not at the same time, how I treated Mama Mary as I was growing up, because that was essentially my relationship with my actual mother. At a young age I thought my mom to be like a superhero. As I grew up, I started to notice her more; how she reacted, what she liked, how she carried herself. The older I got the more consumed with my own life I became, paying little attention to her. And when there came the time when she would share her views or opinions or attempt to point to a certain direction, I sought my own way. Now that I’m older, I have more of an appreciation and love for my mom and all she’s done and all she continues to do for me and our family.

I’m sorry Mom for not having the best relationship. I’ve really come to love you and appreciate you in a way I don’t think I could have without first going through everything we did. I love you! Please forgive me.

I’m sorry Mama Mary for not having the best relationship. I’ve really come to love you and appreciate you in a way I don’t think I could have without first going through everything we did. I love you! Please forgive me.

Sing to me…

Amidst the commotion and the busyness of the preparation for this conference, You still find a means to sing to my heart in ways I cannot even fathom. You play a tune unheard of yet so familiar, a complicated melody only You have mastered. You enchant my senses and call my true self, Your love and daughter, to complete surrender. You envelop me with Your still small voice and enliven me with your passionate and fierce spirit.

Jesus, you were “fashioned of flesh yet you were not too proud to wear our skin”. May we strive to be humble as we walk this earth and serve others.

Mama Mary, please pray for our souls and for the souls whom have no one to pray for them.

He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

A few days ago I got to spend some quality time with my brother. See, he was driving through to attend a concert in Vancouver and it just so happened that he stopped over in Calgary to see a couple of friends. We got a chance to just hang out, talk and just catch up on the last 7 months of me no longer living at home. This may not seem like an “extraordinary” visit but it definitely was to me and I sense that the Lord really wanted to make this special for me.

One of my biggest worries when I was discerning for full time was about my family, even though I received my parent’s blessing. But, as I’ve shared before, when the Lord calls, in obedience you just need to surrender everything, including your worries, trusting that our Lord wouldn’t ask you to follow Him without having first thought of how He was going to take care of what and whom you left behind. Through my brother I received the great blessing of realizing that I AM anointed through my family.

Story time…. 🙂

Our first stop was the mall, of course! We walked around for a little bit and happened to wander into this store that had this watch that I’ve been eyeing. It had gone on sale but was still significantly out of my budget so I walked in with the expectation to just look at it, point it out to my brother and walk out. I had no idea that I was going to walk out actually with it! See my brother, was generous enough to cover half the cost making it a whole lot more attainable and within my budget! Before leaving the mall, I offered to walk around a little more so he can go shopping, to which he answered, “Ate, I have so many name brand clothes in my closet, some even with their price tags still on, I think I’m good to not spend, I’m kinda over all that now”. I was, of course, a little caught off guard but I was definitely smiling because it was an affirmation that my brother is letting go, slowly but surely, of the material things he was so fixated on for the longest time.

After the mall we decided to go out for a bite to eat and just talk. We had fruitful conversation and he caught me up on the happenings in Winnipeg and with everyone there. As we were eating he brought up that he applied for university and will be attending in the fall! At this point, I was beaming with joy that he’s finally going back to school and taking it seriously! See he’s been indecisive with his program and even took a couple of years off because of it. The more we talked about school the more I could sense in his tone that he was really set and really certain in following through! And just to add some reassurance to it, he mentioned that some of my former colleagues have been helping him in the advising office at the university; I know that he’s in good hands!

Before leaving the restaurant, I decided to walk over to the Tim Horton’s across the parking lot to get an ice cap and said, “I’ll just go to Tim’s to get an Ice cap, while you have a cigarette”. My brother then replied, “oh I didn’t tell you? I quit smoking after you left. So did Dad”. My brother has been a heavy smoker since he was a teenager and my dad, he was really young when he started smoking, so imagine my astonishment when I heard they both quit!!

At this point, I am beside myself with happiness and overjoyed about everything that was revealed to me in such a short meeting. I could see God’s hand in all the revelations, more specifically in my brother. I was speechless and for that moment in time, I was completely fine with not asking for explanations.

My family is being taken care of. My brother’s are growing up and becoming more responsible. My parents are starting to take note of their health and are making better choices. As a family, though we are moving in our own directions, we are being drawn closer to one another. In my acceptance and full surrender to our Lord’s call, I was blessed to experience true joy and peace in my life; in all aspects. And whether or not my family realized it, the Lord anointed me through them and thus anointing them as well!

42

“…open the eyes of my heart Lord, I want to see you….”

Lord, you have blessed us with 42 at Camp Witness! I’m not too sure why it didn’t dawn upon me earlier but the last time I was present at a camp of 42, it was when I joined CFC Youth. Almost 13 years ago you called 42 of your children in Winnipeg to attend a YFC camp named Exodus. Today I stand in a room very similar to the one I once stood in being exactly like these youth, not knowing where my involvement with this group would go.

But you knew! Imagine this, Winnipeg has sent 5 of their very own to train and become full-time pastoral workers and ALL 5 of them were present at camp Exodus. Arnold Rodriguez (my God father aka ninong) was the young area head at the time of the camp and was overseeing it. Dexter Suban was the camp head and (ate) Rina Castillo was one of the facilitators. Janice Tolledo-Banaria and myself were mere participants at the time. Only YOU knew!

I truly believe that it’s providential that this camp was called WITNESS. In the very details of it, I could see and feel our Lord’s presence. In witnessing these new participants complete their camp it allowed me to witness my own story and how it’s come full circle.

As I look at these young and beautiful faces, I cannot even begin to fathom your plans for them. This very feeling compels me to want to kneel in awe at your wonderful works! Amongst these 42, there may be ftpws, nuns, priests, future mothers and fathers and blessed singles. It humbles me to know that you would use me to call your children back to you.

Lord, you are limitless and you orchestrated all of this to achieve purpose in all our lives. You have breathed your Holy Spirit in all of us once again and have allowed us to physically see your harvest; how real it is, how real they are! Thank you Lord for showing me this. Thank you for holding our hearts and feeding our souls. Thank you for this walk down memory lane. Thank you for this call!