Author: Erin Tangco

Let’s be honest. Forgiving somebody who has hurt us may be the hardest thing we ever do. We may have suffered a serious offence, but often it is the daily grievances or misplaced words that are the sticking point in our hearts and minds. We can struggle for days, even years, with anger, confusion, sorrow and bitterness after someone has wounded us, offended us, or betrayed our trust.

What a beautiful reminder it is for me whenever I receive a publication magazine from the Sisters of Life in New York. Each article and each story in the magazine is always something that I have pondered on before and something I need to read. I would like to share with you this reflection on the 5 things we need to know about forgiveness:

1. Jesus knows and understands. Jesus knows our struggle, so much that He entered into the pain of our wounds as He hung crucified on the Cross. Yet, He doesn’t want us to remain there in the darkness – He desires us to experience the glory of His Resurrection, where His wounds are transformed into marks of victory and our sins are redeemed into channels of grace. Jesus taught us to pray to the Father: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”

2. Forgiveness doesn’t mean being a doormat. It doesn’t mean justifying or ignoring an offence, excusing the offender of responsibility, or taking the blame upon ourselves. We need to acknowledge the wrongdoing and live in accordance with our dignity in order to truly forgive the other.

3. Forgiveness is letting go. Forgiveness is choosing not to hold the offence against the one who has hurt us. It means letting go of resentment and revenge – not lowering ourselves to the level of retaliation, but rising to the level of merciful love, in imitation of the God who forgives us “seventy-times-seven times.”

4. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision. It is intentional and voluntary. Of course, “it is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offence, [but if we give our hearts to the Holy Spirit], He can turn injury into compassion and purify the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession.” (CCC, 2803). Forgiveness may not take away the pain, but it will transform it. Every time the memory of the offence comes to our minds, and every time we choose to forgive, we become freer, more whole, and more like our Heavenly Father.

THE GOAL: The goal of forgiveness is that of restoring, or reconciling, man to God and God to Himself. The scar might still be there, but forgiveness gives freedom. To forgive another is a mercy to that person, but also to ourselves.

As we enter into this Holy Week, let us be reminded of the Lord’s mercy in our lives and let us reflect on, “where and what is the state of my heart, in growing in deeper relationship with Him?”

Jesus, Fountain of Mercy, we trust in You.

“The proper act of the intellect is to know, and the proper act of the will is to love. And so man’s perfection and chief purpose in life will be to come to know the highest and most intelligible being and love the greatest good. In other words, man’s purpose is to come to know and love God.”

Yesterday I had the privilege of spending my night at a friend’s house to help plan their upcoming wedding. It was a beautiful time seeing so much joy and hope and laughter from everyone in the room. As I was driving home, I was pondering on one of my favourite chapters from The Imitation of Mary – Chapter 8: “Choice of a State of Life.” It reads:

Mary sought God and loved Him alone from her earliest years. For this reason she drew upon herself all His blessings, and He on His part provided a suitable state of life for her so that she might carry out His plans for her.

To make the right choice of a vocation we need a conjunction of events and circumstances such as Providence ordinarily provides for faithful souls who consult God on the choice of a state of life.

Can a young man hope that God will bestow this favor on him if he meanwhile is abandoning himself to the deadly urges of his own newfound passions?

By means of her marriage to St. Joseph, God in His providence enabled Mary to gather the previous fruit of the virtues she had practiced so faithfully. If it had been left to the world to choose a husband for Mary, it would undoubtedly have chosen a rich and talented man. It would not have thought of choosing a virtuous man, a man who from childhood had lived reverently before God. That is not the way the world thinks. Self-interest and purely human considerations are the motivating forces behind most marriages. The possessions which chance bestows, rather than the blessings of grace, lead to the contracting of marriages. […]

The choice by Mary’s parents, or rather by God, fell upon Joseph, a just man (Mt. 1:19), in fact the most virtuous man then living on earth and the one most worthy to be the holy Virgin’s husband.

No marriage ever turned out more happily; never were two hearts more delighted at their union. What trials could ever disturb their peace of soul! Mary and Joseph were in the state of life God wanted for them.

Pray to the Lord, therefore, and consult Him if you are deciding on a state of life. Say to Him with the prophet: “Show me the way you want me to walk.” Live so that the Lord may see in you a fit subject for His special care.

– – – – – –

I am praying for all my brothers and sisters answering the call to marriage this year. Lord, please always show us the way You want us to walk. And Mama Mary, you are a beautiful example of true faithfulness and unwavering hope. And that you had no other desire in your state of life other than to be so in tune with His Will, and to fulfill your only desire of loving God through loving Jesus and St. Joseph, and all of us.

St. Joseph, pray for us. Most Holy Family, pray for us.

At times we hear
a still, small voice that
gently speaks to us
in the midst of our busy lives,
calling us forth to give of ourselves.

In these moments of grace,
the Lord reveals to some
His desire to entrust
a special mission.
A mission of sharing in the
awesome gift of walking
with another in their time of need–
that one life might be born,
and another reborn.

And to these friends he calls,
he asks, “Will you be my heart,
my hands and my feet?”

Then He waits.
With a hope that
the response will be
one of fearless love.

/Called Forth, from the Sisters of Life

Yesterday I spent the first half of my night at Guildford Seniors to visit Father John. I was really happy and hopeful on my way there. Working at a seniors home during the day, I have always appreciated seeing the families who come in and visit. I don’t have my grandparents here with me, so when there is the chance to visit a friend or a friend’s loved one it’s such a blessing.

Fr John was not in his room when I came in; the nurse said he was at the lounge area since it was just after dinner. When I saw him he had his right hand stretched out over a lady beside him, seeming like he was giving her a blessing because she was crying. I was watching this for a good 2-3 minutes because he still hasn’t seen me yet. Then he turns around, says hi to Neil (hi Neil), looks at me, then smiles. I knew that he had asked for me before and he said that he was glad that I was there to visit him. This made so happy haha.

We went to his room and just started talking. He was telling me all the physical pain he was feeling. He said that his head was feeling numb because he fell from his bed last night, and that he can hear me just fine but he couldn’t hear himself too well. After a couple minutes, he showed me this book called “The Divine Mysteries of the Holy Rosary.” He flipped through a couple pages and made me read out a paragraph on the mystery of The Annunciation. He said that this book is so helpful and is so important for us to visualize and live through the mysteries in great detail. So he points to this particular section and tells me to read it out loud:

“The bodily shape of the heavenly Queen was well proportioned and taller than is usual with other maidens of her age; yet extremely elegant and perfect in all its parts. Her face was rather more oblong than round, gracious and beautiful, without leanness or grossness; its complexion clear, yet of a slightly brownish hue; her forehead spacious yet symmetrical; her eyebrows perfectly arched; her eyes large and serious, of incredible and ineffable beauty and dove-like sweetness, dark in color with a mixture tending toward green; her nose straight and well shaped; her mouth small, with red-colored lips, neither too thin nor too thick. All the gifts of nature in Her were so symmetrical and beautiful, that no other human being ever had the like. To look upon Her caused feelings at the same time of joy and seriousness, love and reverential fear. She attracted the heart and yet restrained it in sweet reverence; her beauty impelled the tongue to sound her praise, and yet her grandeur and her overwhelming perfections and graces hushed it to silence. In all that approached Her, She caused Divine effects not easily explained; She filled the heart with heavenly influences and Divine operations, tending toward the Divinity.” -Description of Our Lady from The Mystical City of God, (Pt II, Bk 3, Ch 2).

I had a smile on my face as I looked back up at him, and oh man. I saw his eyes so wide and his smile so sincere as if he was telling me “See? Do you see her yet?” He was also looking past my shoulders as if he was smiling at someone else; as if Our Lady really was in the room.

We talked again for some time after this. I also asked if he would be willing to hear my confession and he said, “Of course.” Before I left, he told me to encourage the young to be good and be holy now. And that in life, two things are important: to be honest and to be sincere. He also asked me to pray for him, and I said I do and I have in my prayers all the time.