Author: Erin Gonzalez

Do you ever have those times where it feels like it has been forever since you prayed? Then the moment you open the Bible and read the readings for the day, a whole load comes off your shoulders, and it’s like as if God planned that perfect day and chose the perfect readings, JUST FOR YOU at the very moment?

I had one of those moments… except “forever” was just 2 days… 2 days of inconsistency in my Scripture readings and I felt like I was beginning to fade away! It might sound dramatic, but it was so real!!! But when I had the chance to open my Bible, I read… I prayed… and it felt like God almost made that moment JUST FOR ME! I continued and when I ended my prayer time, I realized I had been on my prayer date for almost 2 hours!!! PRAISE THE LORD!! And at that moment, I gained an even greater understanding and appreciation of prayer, especially as a missionary…

In mission, we cannot afford to be inconsistent.

The life of mission… it’s a lifestyle… And seeing that mission is a journey of tending to souls, prayer – the vessel in which God feeds our souls – must also be a lifestyle! There is no room for inconsistent mission and inconsistent prayer. I realized that if one is consistent, then the other follows in consistency (but it must be TRUE and GENUINE), and in doing this, we are rooted in the Lord. But as a missionary, if I am not rooted in the Lord, I will begin to fall and the mission He has called me to will definitely fail… This community is “a business of souls”, and souls need spirit. If I don’t fill my soul with His Spirit through the beautiful gift of prayer, then my soul, along with those I am accountable for, might die.

Prayer, although it is as fulfilling as it is, is not important JUST because it is how the Lord affirms me, consoles me, meets me, etc, etc… Prayer is important because it sustains my life in service out of love for Him & His love for me… It brings that completion to everything that feels like it’s missing that last little detail… Prayer is like the cherry on top! So today, His reminder for me is simple…

Put the “cherry” on top of the “Sunday”… 

…EXCEPT… let every day be a “Sunday” ;P
PSALM 119

Jealousy, pride, envy…. it’s all around us! One betrays his brother out of jealousy or some sort of pride. It even often seeps into our families: 

“Out of the wicked comes forth wickedness.”
(1 Samuel 24: 13)

SORROW.

It is often regarded to be negative, often expected to lead us towards sadness. But if SORROW truly is a saddening word, then how could our Mother take on a character of, “Our Lady of Sorrows”? Surely, there must be something good in this if our Mother could carry the name in holiness…

By its definition, SORROW means, “a feeling of deep distress”; it does not mean sadness… I believe that sadness is automatically assumed to follow sorrows because we LET IT. But what if instead of allowing sadness to creep in, we allow our sorrows to lead us to SALVATION?

What caused our Lady to take on the character of Our Lady of Sorrows? Because by the name and will of the Lord, she allowed her sorrows to strengthen her rather than bring her down! According to the Dogmatic Constitution of the Catholic Church (#58), “She stood in keeping with the divine plan, suffering grievously with her only-begotten Son. There she united herself, with a maternal heart, to His sacrifice, and lovingly consented to the immolation of this Victim which she herself had brought forth.” What makes this so great to me is how Mary portrays how real and possible it is to let our SORROWS LEAD TO SALVATION; IT CAN ONLY BE DONE WITH A DEEP LOVE FOR THE LORD, like His love for us…

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart.”
(Jeremiah 29: 11-13)

If we are with the Lord, then we cannot remain “depressed” or lay in sadness, for like Mary, even at the foot of the cross where her Son stood nailed before her, she united her heart with the Lord and trusted in His divine plan; a plan for welfare and not for evil. Through his death on the cross, her Son defeated evil and opened the gates to our salvation. And as she BEHELD and PONDERED, the Lord took care of her:

“When Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold your son!’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold your Mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her to his home.”
(John 19: 26-27)

God provided for her and took care of her in her times of sorrow… WHY? Because she kept trust in His divine plan despite of her sorrows. And it is in the Lord, and with the guidance and example of our Mother that we can find SALVATION IN OUR SORROWS.

If I could sum up how the past week has been, I think I would do it best in the ways others have reminded me of the simplest advices I’ve received in life:

1. Life verse: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and rely not on your own insight.” (Proverbs 3:5) When we live for the Lord, life is not tiresome, stressful, “too busy”, etc… Life lived fully and completely with the Lord is JOYFUL!

2. HOPE; do not EXPECT! Expectations are built upon what the human mind knows and all worldly facts, but hope sprouts from the moving of the Holy Spirit in our hearts. And from the heart, the Spirit brings hope into the rest of us. And all hope leads us to faith and love.

3. Love above all. Love above sin. Despite of all pains and all hurts, the most courageous thing to do is to love…not when it is easiest, but WHEN IT IS HARDEST.

In the past few days, I’ve found myself diving deeper into the personal struggles in my life. But… PRAISE GOD! The difficulties were good reminders of how real the world is, but above all,  how real God’s love is above everything. My hardships remind me that I will not always know how to cope with something, and they remind me of how imperfect I am. And it is in saying this that I know that in anything, I am called to ask for a deeper presence of our Father in my life. Without God, I am nothing. All in all, these instances and reminders remind me to say, “Lord, every day… every moment, this is for You. All of me… all of my hopes… all of my dreams and desires are from and for You, alone… Holy Spirit, take control of me. Lord, I love You so much… You are my all.”

If I could basically sum it all up, I think Disney could speak for me (once again). God tends to do that… bring me back to all these childhood/ childlike memories and songs… and maybe that’s what life is about. We need to begin as a child to grow up and be broken (or go off into some sort of adventure), only to realize that at the end, it’s about going right back to the beginning. Only a child can understand what it’s like to be childlike, but we need to be adults to be conscious of ourselves and of God to truly understand what it’s like to have a childlike faith. At the end of the day, the only conclusion I can make is this: God is, was, and always will be my beginning: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nV3WvlqRwdI

Lately, there have been many comments, posts, situations and encounters that have made me feel uncomfortable. Some are short term and some have been long term. And in the midst of all of this discomfort, there laid an underlying desire to just be comfortable.

As I contemplated on this, I found myself recently being reminded of what He has unveiled to me before: “I will meet you right where you are.” And of course, who reminded me of this? None other than the Holy Family, once again. The Holy Family is so highly looked upon. Full of holiness, they continue to stand as the greatest example of a mother, a father, and a son living in Christ. Does this, however, mean that they were always comfortable? No.

It was evident that Saint Joseph felt uncomfortable – he didn’t fully know how Mary was pregnant. And he was visited by the Angel of the Lord through a dream, telling him to take comfort. And when he chose to abide, he chose to answer yes to a responsibility as well to protect his family – to protect their son, Jesus, and Mary. There must be some sort of worry or discomfort in making sure that his family was safe, and what was even greater for Saint Joseph was that it wasn’t just his son, but the Son of God and His spouse that he was chosen and called to protect.

Then when it comes to Mary… how much confusion, discomfort, and worry must she have felt to all of a sudden discover that she was with child. And not knowing how, she was visited by the Angel of the Lord to take comfort and to not be afraid, for the child she carries is the Son of God… that she too, was chosen.  And when her child grew, how much discomfort must she have felt, having her son travel from city to city so frequently, not knowing exactly where he is all the time, while out on the mission/ prophecy that the Lord has sent him to fulfill?

And then when we look at Jesus, we hardly know anything about his childhood. But it makes me think, was he just like the other kids? Or was he like the portrayed image of Hercules with “super strength” or “superpowers”?? (haha) JOKES ASIDE…  I really wonder how he felt. He had two fathers… one who was his earthly, human father – Joseph, and One who is divine – God. How did he feel about it? How did he come to know both of them? How did he find the balance?

Despite of all the unknown, the Holy Family found Comfort. And it wasn’t because their answers or struggles were always answered, “fixed/ solved” forever, or perfect… it was because above all, they looked to God FIRST. They weren’t always comfortable… I’m sure Mary was for from feeling comfortable seeing her son nailed to the cross… yet despite of the discomfort… despite of not knowing exactly how or why, she knew that this was part of His plan for her son… for her… and for the world… for us all. She believed and trusted in God above all and HE was her Comfort.

Lord, when I feel any discomfort, may I have the strength to look to the Holy Family. May I have the strength to look to You, above all, and have the courage to understand what it is that You are asking of me. May I be able to humble myself to put You first, always. When I feel uncomfortable, I pray that I may not seek the comforts of the world, but like the Holy Family, seek You as my Comfort. Amen.

During the Christmas season, everyone is usually stuck in the hustle and bustle of everything. From the Christmas shopping, to the family parties, parties with friends, midnight feasts, New Year’s parties, and the list goes on! It is often celebrated with many, many people with everyone contributing a little something to create some sort of grand feast! And as often as this has happened in the past 22 years of my life, “last year” and “this year” (end of 2013/ beginning of 2014), it was different for me. What was evident this season that stood apart from the rest was that the Lord was calling me to a simpler and more intimate celebration.

1. Instead of going out with our friends or going to a club or something else for a “Chritmas Event Special”, my sister and I just stayed at the Adoration Chapel before midnight Mass and sang “Happy Birthday” to Jesus.
2. We didn’t have a big feast after midnight Mass on Christmas. My family and I just came home to open presents, followed by a game night, and coffee/ tea, yet it was STILL a filling night, accompanied with much laughter.

3. Christmas is usually spent with all of our relatives, but this year, it was just my Ninong Edward and his wife, Reyshell, accompanied by a Skype call with my other Ninong and Ninang and my cousins from the Philippines. However, this was the first Skype call that lasted 3 hours – 2 hours of which was spent talking and catching up with my cousins.

4. We were supposed to have a New Year’s Eve party with a few CFC families, but it was cancelled because a lot of our family members became ill! Instead, our family ate a simple meal and watched movies while drinking hot beverages, and played games until the countdown.
5. After the countdown, the first thing my family did was pray the Rosary.

So what is God’s message to me here?

"PRIORITIZE THE BLESSINGS I HAVE GIVEN YOU; NEVER TAKE ANYTHING - no matter how grand or how simple - FOR GRANTED. I HAVE NEVER GIVEN YOU, NOR WILL I EVER GIVE YOU ANYTHING THAT IS LESS THAN A GIFT."

This is when I was able to look back. Throughout the year, the infamous complaints I have heard from and for myself and/or many others were either…

1. “You barely have time for service.”
2. “You barely have time for your family.”
3. “You barely have time for you friends.”
4. “You barely have time for me.” – typically coming from one’s significant other
5. “You barely have time for yourself.”

BOTTOM LINE: YOU BARELY HAVE TIME.

We are always given time. We have 365 days a year to balance all of this out! Yet for some reason, we “barely have time”. This season was so simple, yet it was so intimate. When I opened my gifts this Christmas, I realized that they have been the most simplest gifts I had ever received, but they were THE BEST because they weren’t the “give-whatever-you-can” kind of gifts; they were small, simple, but the most thoughtful.

And when it came down to time, I spent as much of it as I could with my family because more than half of the year and about half the days of each week or two, my days are committed to CFC Youth (service), BR/ movie/ “chillage” dates with my friends, and personal time through the Sacraments at the Church. Because I am currently blessed to have my family, CFC Youth, a nearby parish, friends, relatives, and my own house to live in, I have been trying to keep a balance in ALL OF THESE GIFTS so that I may not only feel that they are equally as important, but also so that they may also feel how equally important they are to me too. At the end of the day…

… they are all His gifts that He has chosen to bless me with
… I am called to love them and respect them each as equally as the other
… BECAUSE THEY ARE HIS GIFTS WHICH HE HAS HUMBLY CHOSEN TO ENTRUST ME WITH IN MY TIME ON EARTH, I must constantly pray for direction for when to share my time with God (which is every moment of my life) with them in His time. 

Time does not belong to me, nor do any of these precious gifts. Therefore, I must carefully take care of them all, respect and love them all, and not take any of them for granted under any circumstance.

THEY ARE HIS GIFTS - GIVEN, CARED FOR, LOVED, AND GROWN IN HIS TIME.

I have recently, truly grown very fond of the Holy Family. They have been the greatest example of many, many things in life, and it seems like as each day goes by, the list grows closer to endless! Mama Mary and Joseph have been one of the greatest examples of a humility, love and faith.

How trusting and loving must Mary have been to bear a child in the midst of her engagement with Joseph, finding peace in nothing else, but the love of the Lord through the message of an angel?
AND
How humble must Joseph have been to not only want to protect Mary by trying to let her go quietly to save her from shame and humility from everyone else once he discovered that she was pregnant? And how servant-like slave-like (in a divine and honourable way) must he have been to completely change his plans to protect Mary, accepting her as his bride instead, and loving her as his spouse and the spouse of God above all else, through the message of an angel in a dream?? How faithful must the two have been? How BLESSED must they have been to be chosen to bring His Son into this world? Emmanuel… God with us…
AND
Jesus never disgraced his parents. He never yelled at them profusely. He never ran away out of hatred for his parents. He never disobeyed the will of God… And above all, he never failed to love. He was hurt, angered, frustrated, humiliated, betrayed, persecuted, sacrificed (by man for our salvation), yet he never failed to love. Even as God told him that he must die to bring us salvation, although he was afraid, he never ran away. He respected his Father, our mother – Mama Mary, his father – Joseph, his disciples, His followers, all the strangers above all else.

My family and I do no always get along. We definitely disagree at times. We may have a few (or more) useless arguments, but when these arguments happen, I should look to Jesus as an example of the perfect Son. I should never yell at my parents with condescending tones and words. I should never intentionally make them feel guilty to get my way. I should never act like I know better because months and years later, I will see that I really don’t. MY FAMILY IS ANNOINTED. And it is in this that I can also say that it goes both-ways with my family of CFC Youth!

In service, I know that I will not always get along with EVERYONE around me. I may not always agree and come to terms with my upper leaders and those whom I serve the same way I do not always come to terms with my parents. And in the same way…  I should never yell at them with condescending tones and words. I should never intentionally make them feel guilty to get my way. I should never act like I know better because years later, I will see that I really don’t. THE CFC COMMUNITY IS ANNOINTED. And also, as a leader, I must look to Mama Mary as an example of the kind of presence I must bring to those I serve. No matter what happens, I must always  be humble, and trust, believe, love, hope and have faith that God is always there.

I must continue to look to the Holy Family as my example; especially Jesus. Jesus was able to respect his parents and those around him and hold his ground and act in love, not because he knew his place, but because he knew His place. It isn’t a matter of knowing my place, but rather knowing the place of God in my life. When I seek and see this, it is much easier to act completely with Love, as opposed to acting out of pride…

JMJ, thank you for constantly revealing to me, the beauty of a family through the love and mercy of God. JMJ, please be with us and pray for us, always! Amen.