Our worth is immeasurable by human hands and by human heart. It is measured by our love and attachment to the Lord, in which only He is the Right Judge.

Though there are others that say, “Praise God for you! How do remain so consistent? You’re so prayerful,” I feel hesitant at times to accept it, and I’ve been conflicted for a while as to why… As I reflected more on it, I have come to terms to understand that I can’t agree because the measure is always different. To them, it seems more than enough. As for me… I can’t help but feel that I can give more. I can do more. And the reality is: that will always be true. Never – so long as I am human – will I ever be worthy .. never will I have given enough… not UNTIL I join my Father in heaven, and the only way I can do this is to always STRIVE FOR MORE; PUSH FOR MORE – PRAY FOR MORE.

In prayer, I have full faith that my heavenly Father Who IS enough will lead me to be worthy of the day. It is in this trust that I will strive to be careful and pull away from idle time…

There will always be a chance to do more… be more… and go ABOVE and BEYOND each and every time. 

Totus Tuus.
Totally Yours.

Ever have those moments when you eat something, that piece of food is just stuck in your mouth, attaching itself to the upper lining of your mouth, or it sits dry on your tongue? When I received the Holy Eucharist today and knelt down on my knees, I felt just that…

The consecrated Host lay in my mouth and it just remained dry… It just wouldn’t dissolve despite of having tried to for a while. Then, as I closed my eyes, I said…

“Be with me Lord, I thirst.”

At that moment, the Host moistened and it became consumable.

No matter how much knowledge of faith we consume, it just sits there, like the consecrated Host, until we receive it wholly and holy with the Lord. Despite of it being GOOD, something so holy cannot be consumed with just our human hands and our human selves. The fact is: WE NEED THE LORD, ALWAYS in order to fully consume the WORD. And the WORD won’t reveal Itself in our lives unless we CHOOSE to welcome Him in and be embraced by His love.

Coming from RYC WORD, this moment and its revelation attached is only so fitting. As knowledgeably holy as I try to be, I can never be whole until I allow myself to completely unify my heart and my mind with the Lord.

Holiness is WHOLENESS.

I cannot be whole without the Lord. In “consuming” holiness, it isn’t enough to ask and to receive. It isn’t enough to seek and to find, but I must ALWAYS (no matter how simple or how complex my situation may be) knock to meet God where He is always waiting for me, right where I am, to open the door.

I’m human. I am a sinner. And I thirst. But He is the only Drink that can quench what is dry, and allow me to consume what is holy so that I can be whole. Realizing this, my prayer stands…

Be with me Lord… I thirst.

And in this prayer, I am brought back to my life verse:
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”
(Psalm 130: 5-6)

Amen.

BREATHLESS. OVERWHELMED. What do I do when He keeps testing me? Day after day, it seems like the challenges never end.

I’m not worthy.

The beautiful thing is that it doesn’t stop there. In the middle of all this, the most BEAUTIFUL thing is happening to me… Above all of this, my Father’s eyes gazes upon me.

In my tears, He cries with me…
In my pains, He heals me…
In my struggles, He provides for me…
In all I ask, He continues to answer me…
Through my fears, He embraces me so no harm can come near…
In my heart, He beats within me…

Unworthy as I am, He loves me and sees me as nothing less than precious and priceless.
In my unworthiness, He claims me “irreplaceable.” 

And even in this craziness… I feel so blessed to feel unworthy because my soul yearns to empty itself of me so I can magnify my life with what is Worth…

I feel so blessed to feel broken at the times that I do because I see that I cannot do anything at all; It is He is Who is doing everything in my life through my hands and in my heart.

In His gazing eyes, I want to see what He sees. Pieces of a miracle…

Preciousness in a sinner,
Richness in the poor,
Beauty in what is hidden,
Value in what is simple,
Strength in the weak…

The list goes on…

What I know for sure is that it is a blessing if one can admit that “I am a sinner”…
it is a blessing for one to admit that “I am poor”…
it is a blessing to seek what is hidden…
it is a blessing to be simple…
it is a blessing to be weak…

WHY? 

Because it is the only way we can understand what is precious,
what is truly rich,
what is utmost beauty,
what happiness and true value is,
and how to be strong… 

It is the only way I can see Him and how much I have (and always will) belong to Him through His gazing eyes. So to truly do this, I will state only one claim… To serve in reciprocation of the love He has for me towards Him and my brothers and sisters…

“I will most gladly spend and be spent for your souls.”
(2 Corinthians 12: 15)

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”
(2 Corinthians 12: 10)

May He always be praised.

We hear it all the time… in movies EPIC movies… in novels… and we begin to dream of the oh-so-romantic moment it is our turn to say our vows. At least for most of us. But does this really portray the true meaning of marriage? WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN WHEN COUPLES STATE THEIR VOWS AT THE ALTAR? What does marriage really entail? Let’s break it down…

THE WEDDING.

I must admit, I’ve always dreamed of “the day”. I think it’s why I wanted a debut. It was the closest thing to a wedding, legally, without commitments and vows! … or so I thought…

Marriage is not about the decorations, or the dress, or the fancy banquet that follows. It is the ceremony celebrated with God and the banquet celebrated in unity and in our hearts. To marry another man is to marry the presence of God in him through the union made in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony. But I cannot unify the presence of God in him until I have married my soul to Him first. A wedding, therefore is a celebration of unity… not cakes, dresses, diamonds, flowers, guests, etc. Those are bonuses HAHA (Hey, a woman can dream right?) So…

How can I prepare myself?

It is through constant discernment. I googled the vows a Catholic man and woman takes during the Wedding Ceremony itself. The dialogue goes something like this:

Priest (or deacon): Since it is your intention to enter into marriage, join your right hands, and declare your consent before God and his Church.

Groom: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

Bride: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

When I read this, I thought that it was so beautiful!!! Why? Not because it is EPIC. Not because it brings “KILIG MOMENTS” (i.e. moments you get those butterflies and you want to just squeal because of all the cuteness). It’s because once again, it takes us back to the basics… It is because God loved me FIRST, and I am called to love Him back in His divine plan for me first before everything else…

It is a vow I must make with God first, constantly re-establishing the very first moment of creation. God made His vow to me when He planned my existence – when He said to my soul:

“I take you to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you all the days of my life.”

1. He takes me in as His wife when I unify my soul with Him, first in the Sacrament of Baptism, and continuously in the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist.
2. He remains always true to me in good times and in bad through Adoration.
3. He takes care of me in sickness and in health, spiritually through the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and physically to some in the Anointing of the Sick.
4. He will love me and honour me all the days of HIS life. Yes, all the days of HIS life because His love is eternal. He loved me before my existence, He loves me now, and after my soul leaves its vessel on earth, I deeply believe He will continue to love me…

I looked out the window today, and was sort of saddened by the grey sky… I also live right across a school and the honking of frustrated and impatient drivers were beginning to add to the sadness from the gloomy grey sky. It then began to snow and it just made me feel cold… snow + bad moods + grey, gloomy sky… it just wasn’t a good combination… But then in the midst of this, I noticed something…

I was dwelling in a perfect moment.

God’s Revelation
+
Our HUMAN vulnerability and hope
+
An OPEN HEART
=
THE PERFECT MOMENT
…with the Lord

…it may be a few seconds, a few minutes, an hour or two, a few days… but it is made perfect in the Lord.

I don’t usually watch the Olympics, but this year’s CBC spin-off really grabbed hold of my attention. I began watching the snowboarding competitions, and was instantly hooked by the commercials and the in-between’s. CBC decided to showcase the lives of Canadian Olympians and how they journeyed to get to where they are. There was one Olympian who was originally from Russia, but she moved to Canada and is now a Canadian Olympian. However, it never stopped her from revisiting and reminiscing in her hometown in Russia.

And of course, there is the infamous Michael Christian Martinez, the first Olympian from the Philippines, hitting it on ice! He made it past qualifications and placed 19th out of 24 on his first ever Olympic competition. His family even mortgaged their house to get him there and whether his country supported him or not, his only goal was to make his dreams and the dreams of many come true. Despite of not winning the gold medal, he won gold in the hearts of many.

Patrick Chan later caught my attention. I researched more into his journey and discovered that he had disputes with many of the Olympians, but that didn’t make him quit. Heading towards Sochi 2014, he trained for a ridiculous amount of hours a day, with one goal in mind: GO FOR GOLD. He didn’t let personal matters distract him from giving his best. Though he slipped a few times and had a few missteps, he pushed through with balance and charisma throughout the program.

Then there is the most recent and one of the most popular posts of today. “Canada’s Women’s Hockey Team has won GOLD!” Enthusiasm was so present in the posts that it almost felt like everyone was in Sochi, celebrating with the team! How victorious and joyful it must feel! They’ve done it! THEY’VE WON GOLD AND THEY’RE BRINGING IT HOME!

How I wish the Olympics were like faith and ultimately, our relationship with the Lord… We are called for this… to be Olympians of our faith… to BE OLYMPIANS FOR THE LORD!
It is hours and hours of training each day for these athletes – YEARS, EVEN! Yet in the midst of all this training, they carry one thought:

“GO FOR GOLD.”

We, too, should be doing this. We are in a constant training for the Olympics, but our training is within our hearts. A Kuya once asked me, “What’s the state of your heart?” And what I once thought was a light question (or a funny question to ask to create small talk) began to dawn on me moment by moment… This is the question that drives the “training of the heart”. Through all the broken bones, broken ribs, broken hearts, broken spirits (and surgery on some), exercise, recovery, physiotherapy, therapy and being in the ICU for some is PRAYER. And the total recovery after that is determined by our free will. The freedom of allowing the Holy Spirit – through prayer – to completely heal us and work through us is OUR GRAB FOR GOLD. It is not the victory that determines a champion for the victory has already been claimed… It is the attitude we carry towards getting there.

We must BELIEVE that God has already claimed it for us and just have confidence in Him, while doing our best to heed the ways and commands He calls us to to get there.

With God, it is actually better than the Olympics… there is no silver or bronze – just GOLD.

Lord, today, my prayer is simple… I pray that no matter what happens, I will always be reminded to “go for gold,” and that I may always do so, single-minded for You, oh Lord.

Amen.

I entered St. Ambrose Parish in Cambridge, ON, making my way towards a pew (just to reflect), I noticed a small little shelf-like “library” they had. They had shelves of Catholic books for children, teenagers, adults, a few cassettes, and a collection of DVD’s! I don’t know why I chose to do this, but I decided to look into the box where all the index cards stating who has borrowed which item and decided to pull out a random card. What I saw brought me smiles… The book I saw was about the last hours of Christ and the last two names written were Catherine Quinto and Jen Ocampo, two of the most inspiring leaders of my generation in the community! One of them became a nun and is currently placed in Philippines, and the other has moved forward with her life exploring other vocations! And I immediately thought, “Lord, what does this mean? I want to find this book! (HAHA)”

I searched for the book, but couldn’t find it. And maybe that was what God what wanted to happen. As I continued to search, I heard the faint noise of a ceremony being conducted inside the church… and then I heard laughter. Moved by this, I made my way inside and took a seat at a pew. As I sat down, I noticed a large family gathered at the front having JUST finished a child’s Baptism! And as I admired the beauty of such a gathering, I began to notice the children – probably cousins – rising and running around to play – HIDE AND SEEK… inside the church and no one seemed to mind… No one came out from the office (as one could hear any noise inside the Church despite of where you are) to tell the children to stop. In the midst of this, I was overcome with confusion – NOT BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION I WAS WITNESSING, BUT BECAUSE OF MYSELF.

A situation like this would have typically annoyed, frustrated and angered me before, yet here I am, right in the middle of this, feeling nothing but peace! And I noticed, this is something I’ve been feeling for a while… peace. As the sound of small running footsteps and tiny little giggles began to grow louder and louder, closer and closer, and began to fill the church,  in peace, I began to understand…

this is how our Father must feel when He hears us -His children – filled with joy.

In the noise indicating our joys, the louder they become, the more peaceful and joyful our Lord must feel! When we attend Mass and sing, or even when we utter our praises to Him, and when we spend time with our families, conversing and laughing and sharing our joys… He must be smiling down at us 🙂

Love and joy go hand in hand. Imagine the world. Which would you rather see more often: Serious, straight, focused, analytic faces filled with deep thought and silence, OR a world filled with the sound of joyful chatter, laughter, and celebration? Love does not always have to be serious and reflective. Love can be expressed in joy! Love can be expressed in celebration! JOY…

“Just
   Offer
     Yourself“

I feel as though as we grow from one generation to the next, we have become more silent. More analytic. Less expressive. These children have become my idols. They know simplicity… They know joy… But most of all, they know the love of the Lord and they know how to express it in simplicity! We must be more joyful in what we do. If this is the peace I feel seeing how joyful these children can be, then how much more peaceful and joyful would the Lord be if I learn to offer myself with the same kind of crazy joy? I must carry a “zero self time” mentality to always strive to give my all to God – first, others – second, then myself – LAST. The call in this is ONE FAMILY – a family in the Lord, and hopefully, one day, my own little family as well 🙂

…in His time, for His greater glory, Amen.

JOYFUL, JOYFUL, LORD, WE ADORE THEE!
^-^