After serving in the community for blank many years, I still find myself trembling and feeling nervous each time I have been asked to share. I speak faster and faster because it’s the only way I can control my words so that they don’t shake and stutter at the pace of my racing heart. And this is not in the context of a conference or an assembly. This is even in the case of being placed in a moment with a stranger or a friend where I’m caught off-guard to promptly share a piece of my experiences… my struggles… my victories… my life.

Recently, I find myself in situations where I’m challenged to share the deeper depths of my heart. “Lord, I’m simply not prepared.” – that’s often what I find myself thinking in these sudden moments. From pains to beyond the worldly riches, it’s hard. And I still find myself trembling, and at a loss of the right words (or any words at all) to say. The stuttering begins. Ranting. Pacing thoughts.

But whenever it is something I’ve been asked to share about weeks ahead, I have days to recollect my thoughts and filter all the moments of God’s grace in my life, and it takes it pace. When I wonder about why it has always been like this, I realized that these insecurities are the mirror actions God uses to filter His message into my life…

Share Life.

In the same way I spend days to prepare for 5 minutes of a share, life must be approached in the same manner. It is not a matter of preparing for one moment, but for a lifetime of them. Every second, every minute, every encounter should be a moment to ponder where the Lord’s love and grace stands firm so that any given moment would carry the same potential as that 5-minute mark.

God has blessed me with the life I have, not solely for myself to see the glory of God in His love for me, but so that I can be equipped with everything I need to share Life in which ever way He calls. I need simply to just have faith and trust that in everything, there was (and IS) always a purpose.

“If he would plant the seed, God would grant the crop.”

May He always be praised.
TOTUS TUUS.

I spent Valentine’s Day, working at St. Joseph’s Workshop. As the day went by, I witnessed to something I hadn’t seen before. A couple came into the store and they seemed hesitant. The owner of the store had approached them, and somewhere in between, I overheard the conversation…

“What Church are you from?

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.”

(Customer looks offended. PAUSE…)

“Why does that matter?”

“So I can make sure that I can give you the exact books you’re looking for, and to recommend the best place to look for them if I can’t help you.”

(Customer smiles. ENLIGHTENED…)

“Oh, so THAT’S why you were asking me.”

How many times have I encountered situations like this? How many times have I found myself in the couples’ position, being quick to assume that I was being ‘attacked’ or questioned, failing to look at the bright side first and think that they’re trying to lend a helping hand instead? Which then echoes a past mentor’s words: “NEVER ASSUME.”

As soon as the other customers overheard this conversation as well, they were quick to give their own recommendations of what the best materials are. They spoke to them and approached them with smiles, as well as recommending more suitable stores, and just simply lent a helping hand.

LENT – “past and past participle of lend.” Lend. We often use this word with the following definition: “grant to (someone) the use of (something) on the understanding that it shall be returned.” But when the customers lent a helping hand, they did it, knowing completely that they most likely wouldn’t get anything in return. They did it joyfully, it was contagious. Which then brings me to the other definition of the word ‘lend’…

“contribute or add (something, especially a quality) to.”

When they other customers – as well as the owner – lent a helping hand, they did not only provide them with aid, but they also lent joy. Which in this case, stood as a reminder of Lent.

Lent.

As we approach this season of Lent – the season where most people know of as ‘the fasting season’ – may we not only ‘give away’, expecting that when it ends, we celebrate a specific tangible return of something (i.e. being able to drink coffee again). Like the rarely used definition of ‘lend’, may we be able to look at the Lent, like the past participle, and be able to happily say, “I contributed to something (to my life); I have added something (to my life).” Because to be able to lend, means some kind of sacrifice. And to be able to sacrifice is love. But that sacrifice, then, reminds us that behind every NO is a DEEPER YES. And that IS, after all, what Real Love does to us, isn’t it?

Love allows us to have the courage to say no, only to uncover and reveal a deeper yes.

TOTUS TUUS.
Amen.

I had a dream. (And no, this isn’t a quote from Martin Luther King). I had a dream of one day being asked to step up and lead, the same way my leaders have been leading me. Many years ago, God fulfilled that dream. I became a Household Head…

THEN…

a Chapter Head,
an Area Head,
an Advocacy Head,
a Mission Volunteer…

…and now, I am endorsed for Full-Time Pastoral Work.

However, as the years had passed, I realized it had been getting easier for me to think lightly of meetings, assemblies, service team meetings, assignments, the ‘homework’ of the community. It started to feel like a passing routine. And I’m not going to lie, I had even found myself saying, “Lord, I’m done now. When am I going to move forward?”

Recently, I had been asked to share about my experience in the Holy Land in the 3 months of mission. I took days to pinpoint the true highlights of my experience, but at the end of it all, I was brought back to the basics, once more… a reminder…

SERVICE is a GIFT… a PRIVILEGE…
and it was is A DREAM.

Once upon a time, where I am at right now was only merely a dream… a wishful prayer. And even now, the ‘dreams’ that had passed over the years continue to be the dream of many others. And once-upon-a-yesterday, it was MY dream. I had forgotten this. But looking back to all I had experienced, I realized God was teaching me one of the most important things – to grow full with a loving and grateful heart because it is still ‘The Dream’. But above all…

Where I am right now is GOD’S living dream for me… and that is The Dream. ♥

Then I remembered how I looked at these dreams before. For each and every dream, I had said, “Lord, if you make this happen, I will give you my best.” The Lord has done His part… one too many times, each and every time. WHY? Because out of His abundant love, He has blessed me. So I pray that I never forget this dream, and that I may persevere in always giving Him the best of me in these living ‘dreams’.

#BLESSED … that’s all I can really say. So THANK YOU, LORD.

Amen.
TOTUS TUUS.

As I knelt down in Holy Rosary Adoration Chapel I began to take note of something. Staring at the carving of Adam & Eve on the monstrance, freed of the serpent’s temptation, sitting in the Garden, I wondered, Why are they facing each other? After being freed, why are they just gazing at each other rather than being in embrace? And then all of a sudden, very humorously, I remembered leaders in our community saying, “Leave room for the Holy Spirit,” as I took note of the Holy Spirit (depicted as a dove) flying directly above them, right in the middle. And I realized, the reason why they are depicted the way they are is because they have tamed the fires of passion, and are representing patience in true love…

HAPPINESS.

But PASSION goes BEYOND HAPPINESS. Looking into the understanding of passion in the secular point of view, another fire of passion is…

PLEASURE.

…”a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment”; fulfillment. For many, pleasure refers to something physical, and to others, it is found in self accomplishments (i.e. finishing first in a race, or being at the top of the class or company), or accomplishment in general (like completing a project). But what if we look deeper? It boils down to the words: happy satisfaction; fulfillment. Like Adam & Eve in the design of the monstrance, there is happy satisfaction and fulfillment in simply BEING, and in both cases, it goes BEYOND the physical. But passion IS inasmuch physical, as it is emotional and spiritual, and we see this most in Jesus Christ.

The Passion of Christ

…shows us the life, birth and ‘death’ of passion; the essence. Christ’s passion was to live out God’s will. And God’s will is to bring us to salvation. So when we put this together, THE PASSION OF CHRIST begins to look much more intimate – His PASSION was BRINGING US SALVATION. It wasn’t physical pleasure, or an emotional fulfillment, but a physical & emotional suffering to attain spiritual joy – salvation.

SUFFERING.

A fire of passion that tends to be avoided, ignored, or overlooked. But when we accept this part, we accept the true life of living in passion; the fires of passion. But it is not always the extremes of each fire. To truly and healthily live in passion, we must acknowledge these ‘fires’, but not be engulfed.

PATIENCE is PASSION, TAMED…

And if we are really called to love more, we must not forget that patience is a part of love. So as we grow in passion, we also grow in love by continuously learning patience in our passion… to ‘tame’ our passion in the way of Christ. But we are also challenged to not over-think this. The tendency is that the more we think about one “fire”, the more we forget the other/s. We either become naive to suffering, ‘forget’ happiness, or become hesitant and afraid to seek fulfillment in our lives. The key is finding balance(which, to my belief, is also a key in being a missionary)… 

“Aura et labora.”

“Lead a balanced life.” To be a missionary is to evangelize God’s love. And the greatest way to evangelize is through our joy. So in our passion, we must be joyful in our service to others and to the communities around us. It is joyfully living in the true fires of passion. In all suffering, we must seek pieces of happiness, and somewhere along the way, we find fulfillment.. happiness. In finding BALANCE, we learn PATIENCE. Patience, in turn, brings us to love more. And in that love, we learn that PATIENCE IS PASSION TAMED.

I was recently reminded of Bishop Crosby’s homily of the pearl of great price. He had mentioned that many people – upon hearing this parable – begin to relate the pearl to the people or items in which they find are most precious in their lives. However, the pearl, in fact, is actually the Holy Spirit. He had said that very few people know the price of this “pearl”, but when they see it as the Holy Spirit, they know It for Its value, and they give everything to attain it. But I found myself asking, What happens after?

Once the pearl has been purchased after having given everything, what is left? When something is so precious and so expensive, the tendency is to really hold onto that item and keep it as close to us as possible. We are called to embrace the Holy Spirit, and allow it to dwell in our hearts; to embed the pearl as it is embedded in an oyster. And as we carry something so precious in us, we must also be ready to bear the journey of the pearl in our lives.

In the same way a pearl forms and grows in an oyster by the secretion of a protective fluid upon the entrance of “intruders” (such as sand or foreign particles), we must prepare a journey where “intruders” will come in and set hardships or challenges in our paths, which will attempt to disturb our precious pearl’s dwelling place. But in these moments, I believe that there are fruits of being able to turn to the Lord and allow Him to be the protective fluid to protect us from those “intruders”. But it takes the consciousness of being able to recognize and accept that we need His help and guidance. Upon doing so, the layers of this fluid will set its foundation more and more, allowing the pearl – the Holy Spirit – to grow larger in our hearts each time. Therefore, the more we journey with the Lord, the more we embody His Spirit, and the more we are able to truly bring His Presence and Love to others.

“I know, my God, that thou triest the heart,
and hast pleasure in uprightness;
in the uprightness of my heart
I have freely offered all these things,
and now I have seen thy people,
who are present here,
offering freely and joyously to thee.
O Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, our fathers,
keep for ever such purposes
and thoughts in the hearts of thy people,
and direct their hearts towards thee.”

(1 Chronicles 29: 17-18)

AMEN.

TOTUS TUUS.

Often times do I hear, “Out with the old; in with the new,” or “Onto a new chapter of my life!” But very recently, I had a conversation with a close friend of mine and she pointed out one thing…

Opening new chapters in our lives does not necessarily mean bringing the old chapter to a close; the story remains and the journey continues.

New chapters may appear as we go, but the old chapters do not disappear. They are a part of the journey, and it is simply learning patience in how the story unfolds, and where each chapter will take us. But whatever is done and read in the old will always be a part of how we tread the journey. And how we see the story is how we choose to journey through each chapter.

“Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints, to those who turn to him in their hearts. Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet; righteousness and peace will kiss each other. Faithfulness will spring up from the ground, and righteousness will look down from the sky. Yea, the Lord will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase. Righteousness will go before him, and make his footsteps a way.”
(Psalm 85: 8, 10-14)

Lord, I pray that I may never forget or fail to be content where You have led me, where You are leading me, and where You will be leading me to in my life. May I always find joy and beauty wherever I go, and stand in steadfast love and faith, so that I may grow in righteousness and peace, 

Amen.

 

Very recently, I came across my Papa’s (my dad’s father) prayer book. My grandparents passed away when I was very, very young. Papa passed away when my dad was 8 years old. Mama (my paternal grandmother) passed away soon after my 1st birthday. As for my maternal grandparents, Tatay (Lolo) passed away when I was 4, and Nanay, when I was 10 years of age. I’ve always wondered what they would say about me becoming a missionary if they were here. Despite the wondering, I have never felt like the ever left my side.

When I was in Israel, my spiritual director – Father Carlos – once told me that God uses all of our encounters and situations we experience to lead us towards our vocation; our specific call and choice to a greater holiness. And I believe finding Papa’s prayer book at the very beginning of this year is a part of these encounters. As I flipped through the pages, I found bookmarks on specific teachings relate-able to the questions I currently ask, or topics I have been curious about. But what really allowed me to feel Papa’s affirmation was through how God spoke in his prayer, which I later found at the very back of the book:

O God, Whose love never faileth.
Let me be aware of Thy Presence and obedient to Thy will.
Strengthen and increase my admiration
For honest dealing and clean thinking,
So as to live that I can stand unashamed and unafraid
Before my fellow men, my loved ones and Thee.

Encourage me in my endeavor
To live above the common level of life.
Protect those in whose love I live.

Make me choose the harder right
Instead of the easier wrong,
And never so be content with the half truth
When the whole can be won.

Help me to keep myself physically strong,
Mentally awake and morally straight.
Give me the will do the work of a man
And to accept my share of responsibilities
With a strong heart and a cheerful mind.
Let my mind remind me daily
Of the name of the family of which I am a part.

If I am inclined to doubt, steady my heart.
If I am tempted, make me strong to resist;
If I should miss the mark, give me courage to try again.

Guide me with the light of truth
And keep before me the life of Him
By whose example and help I trust
To obtain the answer to my prayers,

Jesus Christ, Our Lord,

AMEN.

Thank You, Lord, for blessing me with a God-fearing family. For a family that has always lead me to a greater understanding of what it truly takes to simply just love more… each and every time.

Holy Family, pray for us.
St. Francis, pray for us.

TOTUS TUUS.