Author: Erin Gonzalez

Every year, I find I am faced with personal situations where I ask myself, “What is the reason I serve? Why do I want to continue being a missionary for the Lord?” Sometimes, the reason I ask is as obvious as having to answer a question on an essay (a.k.a. the MV/ CMV essay), or as expected and/or unexpected in small moments of self reflection.

What is the reason I continue to say yes?

If I could count all the times I had panicked before, thinking, “Oh no, nothing ‘big’ has happened to me yet… there isn’t a ‘big enough’ sign… there are no signs at all. THERE’S NO EPIC STORY TO TELL ABOUT MY YES THAT IS ‘AFFIRMING ENOUGH‘,” I think I would never stop laughing…

I recalled a FTPW’s story of how he became a Fulltime Pastoral Worker.
There was no “major struggle”…
He didn’t feel “tested”…
He did not even have HUGE and DEEP moments of contemplation, debating whether or not it was right…
He never had an overflow of new signs…
He did not even have an “epic” experience…

He just knew that it was right; that it was God’s plan for him, and that it was perfect. He started and continued on with the same reason each and every time… solely because He is called by the Lord… And that is when I realized it:

I don’t need an “epic story”, nor do I need signs, or new reasons. The reason never changes…it grows. When I first wrote my essay about why I wanted to be an MV, something “big” happened that led me to a realization that it was because of love. The second time I wrote my essay about why I wanted to continue being an MV, another “big” thing happened that made me realize – once again – that it was because I have experienced the love of God and I want to be able to bring that love to others. And now, as a new year begins, although I have not experienced anything “big”, I have come to realize that my reason will never change. 

I am loved. That will never change.
I am planned. That has never changed.
I am called. Because of the other two, this will never change.

From the moment I was Baptized, I said “Yes,” to a mission… a call from the Lord: “Love one another as I have loved you.” God loved us in many ways… but above all, He continues to do so every day in each and every one of us, and I believe that is what the mission ultimately calls for. To love beyond borders. To love past distance. To love in all works. To love with no limit. And ultimately, to love Him above all, and to show others that this love – His love – is possible. I KNOW that this is His mission for me. My reason has never changed. It has only matured and grown, and in the end, it is to remind me that it is all because of Love. 

Lord, thank You for your ever-affirming love. Thank You for constantly guiding me, even at times I may not feel it. Your love is all I need, and it is my greatest call to love the way You want me to. Above all, Lord, thank you for the mission. Thank you for Your daily call. I know Your mission for us will never change, the same way my reason never changes as well. I only pray, Lord, that you continue to let my reason and the mission grow and constantly call us in greater and greater ways. In all of this, Lord, I trust You. Jesus, Lover of my soul, I trust in You.

Come, Holy Spirit, fill us as You will…

I attended a Vigil Mass this Saturday evening, and was able to sit at the front. Everything was as beautiful as always, but one thing that really caught my attention was the choir. Their voices were so beautiful, but they were being muted by the loudness of the piano. It’s not like the piano sounded horrible… In fact, it was just as beautiful as everything else. It’s just that it was just too loud!

This is what I feel like life can be like sometimes. There are so many blessings in my life, such as: a loving and faithful family, loyal and caring friends, a lively faith, faithful service, etc., but sometimes, one screams louder than the others that all the other good things become muted because one is just too loud. Every singles blessing sings out a melody – a beautiful voice – but it takes the grace of God through prayer to find the balance and create a harmony.

Harmonies enhance a song, the same way prayer enhances my faith – my relationship with the Lord. Prayer is what constantly helps me find the balance. I realized that it is possible to have so many good things in my life, but it is only the most beautiful voice of God that can show me how to tune it all up, so that I can sing Him my greatest song – a life lived holy and wholly with Him and His love.

Lord, help me to find all the melodies. Help me to find them and grow in them by listening to Your voice as my Conductor. May I always have the faith to listen to You so that in all things, You become my tune. May I find the balance in the melodies so that I may bring them all to You in perfect harmony.

Amen. 

“If thou didst know the whole Bible by heart, and the sayings of all the philosophers, what would all that profit thee without the love of God (1 Cor. 13:2), and without His grace?”
– St. Louis de Montfort

Coming from the brokenness I’ve experienced, I’ve never really been around an environment where I could fully immerse myself in theological teachings. I was never really the type to know all the “in-depth” details or history of Christianity and its culture because it really wasn’t something I grew up in. Sometimes, I felt discouraged, especially in the beginning of being an MV because I never knew as much as a few others in my batch. But the lifestyle I grew up with was the backbone God gave me in my hardest and deepest struggles…

PRAYER. My mom really instilled a prayerful lifestyle in our family and my dad made it definite that every night that we could, we’d have family prayer. And I truly believe that this lifestyle that was so constant is what God had in plan for me to carry me through the years, or the “Dark Ages” (as one would say). Eventually, I began to realize that I was making a greater effort to know about Christianity… our culture, our saints, our traditions.

I’ve never been the type to excel in anything unless I had a passion for it, and when I look back to how I was about 2 years ago, I realize that I am different. I’ve come to know more and more about my faith, and it isn’t because I have to know it, but because I have a passion to sincerely know about Christianity, and CHRIST in every part of it.

When it comes to factual knowledge and history of our faith, I know that much more people will probably know more about it. Some will know more because learning about it is something that has always been carried on in their life; others, because they’ve majored in Religion, Theology, or Christian studies and what not. HOWEVER, it will no longer affect me. If I am called for mission, I am called for mission. I may not be as knowledgeable or intellectually equipped as others, but that is something I cannot fully control.

“God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”

Of course, I know this should never be an excuse. I am still trying my very hardest to know more and more about my faith in the many ways I can. But I will never lose sight of His first mission for me: the call to LOVE. I must love all the people around me, the environment around me, and all else that surrounds me to truly understand and know His love. And it through this love, and the grace that follows, that He will equip me with what I need to carry on whatever missions lie ahead… And this brings me back to one of my life verses:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and rely not on your own insight.”
– Proverbs 3:5

“God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”

I’ve recently been thinking a lot about the family… my family now, the family I will have in the future (God-willing, of course)… and the families I know now… How does God manifest in our families? How does He fill our homes?

As I walked up towards the Altar to receive the Holy Eucharist, I could not help but smile at what I saw. Jacob, the son of one of the leaders in the Community, was walking in line on his own (because his parents were singing in the choir) just to receive a blessing from the Priest. What possesses a child of only 5 or 6 years to know when to go up to receive the blessing in the Sacrament of the Holy Eucharist?

Then there’s Francis, the son of our Area CFC Youth CC’s, who subconsciously begins to sing LIVELOUD songs as soon as he hears them. And when we worship, he sings the songs with us, or hums it like a record on repeat afterwards.

It is all the works of the Holy Spirit! This is why the mission in CFC truly affirms me! “Families in the Holy Spirit renewing the face of the earth.” Our families don’t need to stay broken. In the Holy Spirit, we mend the brokenness in the love of Christ. Children (even all children of God) learn by example, and the children of our leaders truly reveal this. It is through moments like this that I am given hope – hope in the mission, and hope that such holiness can grow so deeply in a family… And it is in moments like this that I can see that there is no limit to holiness.

There is no limit to how holy someone can be…
There is no limit to where that holiness grows and roots itself…
There is no limit on how old one needs to be to be holy…

I can even see this in my family. It began with worshipping together as a family prayer, and now we’re praying the Rosary every night, and sometimes, we go on “Adoration dates” together, no matter how late it is! And I hope all of this is something I can bring into a bigger family – the Community of CFC Youth… and maybe my own family one day!

In time… in His time…

All I know is that from the moment we came into existence, there began a similar call in each and every one of us… a call to holiness, and it is in this holiness that faith, hope, and love grows. Thank you, Lord… for a Community that shows us that all of this is possible…

Thank you, Lord… for hope.. in holiness…

I live in a world that is so deeply rooted in social media. If I look at one corner, someone’s on their smartphone, and when I look another way, someone’s on their laptop (often times on a Mac… PC for the win!) If I turn around, chances are, the person next to me is checking Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Instagram, or some other form of social media. Although I am not exactly tech savy or up-to-date with all social media, I have been exposed to enough to make me reflect…

We need to be aware of how we portray ourselves. I have to admit, there were times in the past where I have posted useless things or slightly inappropriate comments thinking, “It’s just for jokes anyways,” or “people know how I’m like anyways!” What I choose to expose in one moment, a couple seconds, a few minutes, or one picture (or more), one post or a status becomes a piece of my life. Once it’s up on social media, it’s exposed for all to see, and that includes people I don’t know. For some, it would be an update, and to others, it would be a first impression… Regardless, it’s an exposure of my interests and my life.

 

Life isn’t selfie. It is not something we can capture in one moment and pass it off the next. It can’t be edited, nor can it be copied, pasted, cropped, erased, or designed by human hands. It isn’t Photoshop. I may not know much about social media, but I do know that life is about living. And as a missionary… as a Catholic… as a daughter of God, I must be as aware of what I post and how I portray myself as delicately as I make myself aware of life. Life is beautiful… it is delicate… it is fragile, and if I am to expose a piece of this fragility with one shot, I want – wholeheartedly – to do so with God in mind.

Carrying this in mind, I now catch myself thinking, “Am I portraying God? Am I portraying the real me? Or am I portraying a joke?”… “WHAT DO OTHERS SEE IN ME? WHAT DOES GOD WANT TO SEE IN ME?” And when I think about this, I find myself becoming more aware and being more careful with myself. A picture can be edited, but a picture is not alive. I am. And God is alive in me.

“I AM WHO I AM.”
(This is what God said to Moses as He anointed him to deliver His people from bondage)

If we are made in the image and likeness of God, then we should use all that we are – all that we say, all that we do – in ALL AREAS OF OUR LIVES to be like Christ… To be YOUNG PEOPLE BEING AND BRINGING CHRIST WHEREVER WE ARE. WE SHOULD BE WHO WE ARE. If I am made in the image and likeness of God, then I must portray the image and likeness of God in Everything, with Everything, and for Everything.

If God was a Photographer, Videographer, Blogger, Vlogger, or some media/ social media expert, would He be happy with the shots He takes of me, including the candids?

Lord, may You be my strength and guide me as You fervourously mold me more and more in Your image and likeness. May You be the strength of all humanity in persevering through all our hardships, downfalls, and failures so that through them, we may find You more and more in each “shot” and in each day… in every living moment. 

Come Holy Spirit, fill us as You will…
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us…

 

I was so moved by the truth in this as I came across it on the internet. Often times, when we ask, we expect an answer right away, or soon. BUT, if we live so much in hearing the answer, we might not allow room for God to show us exactly how to live it out. Although the author wasn’t writing this specifically about discernment at all, I – personally – believe Rainier Maria Rilke couldn’t have said it better:

“I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

Come Holy Spirit, fill us as You will…

How many times a day do I bring all the blessings and thanks back to God? How much time in a day do I set aside for Him?

So many people say that life, itself, is a blessing yet cannot give 15 minutes in 24 hours to honour praise Him in personal prayer. Isn’t it that the more He blesses us, the more things there are that we have to be thankful to Him for? I, myself, have been guilty of not thanking Him enough… There have been times where I’ve put aside my prayer time or other opportunities to thank Him. Sometimes, so much so that a day can go by when I think of praying in an hour or two, only to find myself delaying it, and delaying it to the point that the day is basically done.

The Gospel for today (Luke 17: 11-19) really stood out to me, especially in verse 17:

“Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?”
(Jesus says, as he speaks to the ONE leper that returned after cleansing ten of them)

It stood out to me because it made me realize that priorities always change. Being human, (as we grow) our ways our inconsistent. Our priorities our inconsistent, but our Lord remains constant. His love is constant, everlasting, and never-changing. From the moment I came into existence in my mother’s womb, His first and every thought from that point onwards was, “How can I love her more?”

As my mother awaited my birth, He protected me and provided me with a haven in her womb, keeping me comfy, safe, and soothed.
As I was born, He breathed life into me, and nurtured that life in a family.
As I grew and fell into ways of sin, He didn’t take away my life; He loved me still, providing me with an opportunity to repent and be forgiven, renewing His Spirit in me each and every time. He made me understand that when I die in sin, He brings me life in His Spirit.
As I fall asleep each night, He chooses to wake me up to a new day, giving me life each time.
And even in physical, human death, He sacrificed His only begotten Son to open the gates to heaven, so that I may have eternal life.

Out of choosing to always love me, He chooses to give me life. 

The least I can do is give Him that love back… in my prayer time… in my relationships… and in the world He has blessed me with that cries out for His love each and every day.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.
Our Lady of Guadalupe (patroness of Cebu), pray for our brothers and sisters who are suffering from calamities, and all the souls of our loved ones who have passed in the Philippines.

Come Holy Spirit… fill us as You will…