Author: Erika Pagcaliwangan

Today at Holy Thursday mass, I was so struck by one line in the opening hymn. The line was “the bread will sustain you”. Then, I automatically thought of purity and cleanliness. Most especially because this week has been a really tough week at work and spiritually.

My thoughts just reminded me of the improtance of confession and how grateful we should truly be for confession, so that we can be purified, and it is in this state that we can receive the Eucharist.

The Eucharist is Christ.

Eu – ar – christ (make sense?) lol

Once we have consumed the bread, we become walking tabernacles. The bread will only truly sustain us, if we walk out of the church recognizing we have Christ in us and complete faith in Him.

I know we all know this, but it was a great reminder for me, because of the challenges I have been going through this week.

God is so good!

The law of God is love. The only sin is to not love.

The Christian lifestyle is much harder to live out, but also the most fruitful.

I know someone who lives almost every moment in misery. She complains and gossips and complains and gossips. It makes me wonder what her first thought is to herself whenever she wakes up every morning. I get tired just listening to her complaints. I can only imagine how much more tiring it is to complain and be negative. So I praise God for pursuing my heart, and allowing me to experience Him.

Every day when I go to work, I am reminded that I am also on a corporate mission, and that my service is not limited to the CFC community. It is also at work that I am faced with greatest challenges of living the Christian lifestyle. In fact, it is the place where I am challenged the most to love more. It is in the workplace that it’s easy to fall into sin and where it’s easy to forget about God.

The Lord has never forgotten about us. We need to make more effort to remember Him at all times, especially when the going gets rough.

Psalm 62
My souls rests in God alone, from whom comes my salvation.
God alone is my rock and salvation, my secure height; I shall never fall.
As though they were a sagging fence or a battered wall?
Even from my place on high, they plot to dislodge me.
They delight in lies; they bless in mouths, but inwardly they curse.

My soul, be at rest in God alone, from whom comes my hope.
God alone is my rock and my salvation, my secure height; I shall not fall.
My safety and glory are with God, my strong rock and refuge.
Trust God at all times, my people! Pour out your hearts to God our refuge!

It is only through my full trust and reliance on the Lord that I’ll truly be able to “walk the talk” as a devout Christian in the workplace, and fulfill the “corporate mission”.

 

On Monday, we had our SFC MV Exam.

Boy, did I struggle. While I was studying, I struggled the most with the Catechism. I googled “Basics of the Catechism of the Catholic Church,” and I came across this: http://www.beginningcatholic.com/tenets-of-catholicism.html

First of all, during the exam, when it came to the catechism part, I felt like such an idiot. I felt like a failure, and by the end of the exam, I felt so unworthy to be an MV.

Praise God for the gift of sisterhood, that no matter how far you are from each other, the love and support for one another never changes. I was telling a sister who no longer lives in the GTA, about how my exam went and told her how I felt. She said, “Remember that we are called because we are imperfect and He is the one that will make us perfect.” The Holy Spirit was truly working in her, because it gave me more peace and realize that even if I fail, I’m not going to be kicked out of my role as a Mission Volunteer. If anything, it’s the beginning of my journey and I have lots to learn.

The next day, I read the message of the day in Walking with Pope Francis: 30 Days with the Encyclical, The Light of Faith, and it said:

Funny, because when I was going through what I thought I needed to know on the Catechism (link above), I was so fascinated by the Apostle’s creed and how much meaning there is behind each line. Then after reading the message above, it brought peace to my heart again! God is so amazing. He meets us where we are, no matter what state we are in, as long as we believe in Him and have faith in Him.

I was having such a hard time balancing work, service, family, friends, and my boyfriend. I was having a one-on-one with a sister, and she reminded me that if I pray for time, the Lord will grant it. So, I started to pray about it and just express my desires to serve Him. I kept telling God how much I was yearning for it, but work is what was holding me back.

On April 15th, something interesting happened.

Just a side note, I’ve been reading Walking with Pope Francis: 30 Days with thr Encyclical, The Light of Faith. That day’s message of the day said:

At around 10:00 am, my manager called me into her office and broke the news to me that she had to let me go, effective immediately. The project that I was supposed to be assigned go was postponed to the fall. There wasn’t enough workload to keep me on the team. The feeling I had inside was soooooo weird. I actually felt…relieved? I thought it was so odd, yet I felt so much peace in my heart.

Aside from the fact that I didn’t like the way they treated their employees, I really enjoyed myself while I was there because I gained experience and built new relationships, both with our partners and clients. The people I worked with were also great. That said, I thank God so much for this opportunity.

After I left my manager’s office, I went back go my desk and prayed and reflected on what just happened. Then I remembered that my income tax return also came in the week before, so it was almost as if I could hear God saying, “Don’t worry, kid. I gotchu!” With that in mind and the message from the book, it was truly God’s doing. It’s now my time to explore. Perhaps explore the possibilities of FT? LOL! Maybe not yet, but Praise God for everything. I honestly felt God embracing me and holding me that whole day.

This week I attended a funeral for the first time. The name of the man who passed away was Tito Rudy. I remember when I was making my way to the funeral home for the viewing (day before the funeral), I just kept praying for his soul and for the Lord to bring his family peace and comfort during this time. Since I’ve never been to a funeral before, I wasn’t sure what to expect. However, praying for his soul was constantly on my mind.

Tito Rudy was a very quiet man, and I didn’t really get to talk to him much while he was alive, though I do wish now that I did. I also wasn’t aware until recently that he had cancer. During the viewing, I stood in front of him, gazing at his lifeless body, and he just looked so peaceful and I felt that spirit of peace while I was standing there. I remember just asking the Lord to allow this man to enter heaven. All I heard were good things about him from his family. Though he was quiet, he attended all family parties and was the “overseer”, making sure everyone and everything was running smoothly. I know there were a lot of other things I didn’t know about him, but I couldn’t help but feel like there was something he was praying for so desperately before he died. Then, I just prayed for the Lord to fulfill his desires and may they be aligned with His will.

Tito Rudy’s niece was telling me about a time while he was in the hospital, a couple days before his passing, that a nurse walked in on him kneeling on the floor at the side of his bed. This man was so sick, he was barely able to talk. By the grace of God, he was able to find strength to push and kneel before to Lord to pray. The nurse said, “what are you doing?”, then Tito Rudy replied, “I’m praying.” So, he prayed. At that moment, I saw a vision of him kneeling and looking up with desperation for the Lord to answer his prayer. So I asked the Lord again, “Lord, please answer Tito Rudy’s prayer. I don’t know why you keep planting these thoughts and visions in my head, but whatever it is, please hear my prayer too.”

I saw his other niece sitting close to the casket, and she was crying. I approached her, and she said, “Ekah, he was such a good man. It’s so sad to see him go. I can’t believe he’s actually gone now. I know he’s in a better place now, he’s with God.” Then, she went on to tell me a story about him during his last days at the hospital as well, and said, “He was sleeping, and my aunt, another aunt, and two cousins  were in the room with him. Then, the hospital Chaplain (also a priest) came into the room. Tito Rudy woke up and asked the Chaplain if he could receive the Eucharist. The priest left to get his stuff, and came back. As soon as the Eucharist touched his tongue, he lifted his hands and arms up to the Lord and started praising Him. I had goosebumps from top to bottom. Like….WOW! God is truly amazing.

Later on that evening, I was talking to the second niece again, and she said, “You know Ekah, Tito’s prayer was for Jacob (his 6-yr old grandson, who has been sick in the hospital)  to be saved after his surgery, and for God to take him instead. So loud, and clear! The Lord answered my prayer 🙂

Lord, in these two days between the viewing and the funeral, I was able to to get to know the type of man you made Tito Rudy to be. Thank you so much for this opportunity. It was a time of celebration for Tito Rudy’s life, and it has taught me to be even more thankful for the gift of life and the people close to my heart. The humble and loving heart that you blessed him with, has brought joy and inspiration to his loved ones. Thank you, Lord, for Tito Rudy and blessing my life with him, even if it was just for a bit. Amen.

Rest in Peace, Rodolfo Cruz
(1941 – 2014)

God comes first…

…it’s so easy to say, but so hard to do. I can attest to that in my experiences these past two weeks.

I am a workoholic. Once I get started on something or put my mind to something, I don’t stop. Because I’m a workoholic, I do my best to go above and beyond in my deliverance, whether it be in family stuff, work, or service. Sometimes, time does not allow me to work as hard as I would like to on some things. There are times when everything I have on my plate is “high priority”.

Lately, I’ve been working OT every day at work, attending meetings for SFC, leading one of the CLPs in my chapter, and planning and leading my households. I haven’t had much time to devote to my family and my GG.  My mom told me the other day, “You haven’t been home. You rarely eat with us. Anak, I know you’re serving the Lord and you are doing good things, but you need to make time for your family. One mass I went to recently, the priest said, ‘Service to the Lord starts in the family. Above all your plans, time with your family is most important.’ So Anak, please make time for us.”

Today, I had a random one-on-one with a Tita in the community and we were sharing our struggles with service and balancing our time. Then, she reminded me that God needs to be present in every aspect of  lives, which includes work. I realized I really had to praise God for being with me, and Mary too, cuz during times I felt like I was going to crash, I would pray a Hail Mary.

Thank you, Lord for the grace to pull through, for being present in all aspects of my life, and filling me with Your Holy Spirit. Amen.