Author: Erika Pagcaliwangan

I think the Lord is reminding me of grace; what it is and the ones I have received.

Yesterday, at the SFC Cluster Assembly, we heard a teaching on grace. I was reminded of God’s unconditional love for me. I’ve been graced with my service as a mission volunteer, as a household head, and as an ANCOP representative. It is through the service that I have been able to experience grace. I remember when I was in YFC, I yearned so much to be a facilitator and a household head. I prayed for God to give me the opportunity to do that kind of service. Now that I’ve been blessed with it, I am so scared. I realize the great responsibility it has, but by God’s grace, He continues to anoint me.

Today, during the RCIA meeting, the teaching was on grace again. We focused on the sacraments. I was reminded how graced we are as Catholics, because we have the sacraments. Hearing the questions the RCIA candidates have, allows me to learn more about the Catholic faith. This experience in itself is a grace, because I’m given the opportunity to humble myself and discover the Lord so much more.

These past two nights, I’ve learned that to be truly grateful for the graces we’ve received from God, is to receive them with integrity and humility – receive the graces remembering that I am a sinner and I don’t deserve them, but I will take it anyway because these graces are God’s way of “romancing” me and showing me His love for me.

This is my goddaughter, Julia Ysabelle. She went to mass this past Sunday and knelt down after the mass ended to pray for Inay (my grandmother). She prayed for God to allow Inay to be able to walk again so they can go to SM (the mall).

She also sings “Here I Am To Worship”, very loudly. Haha!

SIMPLE JOYS! She reminds me that God calls us all to have a child-like heart. One that seeks joy, instead of dwelling in sorrow. God is a joyful God, and it’s in Him that we can overcome our sorrows. Simple reminders make such great impacts on the way we see things or choose to deal with our challenges. So, praise God for this cute little soul 🙂

“Many people [in authority] oppose us, persecute us, and would like even to destroy us, but we must be patient. As long as their commands are not against our conscience, let us obey them, but when the case is otherwise, let us uphold the rights of God and of the Church, for those are superior to all earthly authority.”
— St. John Bosco

I am finally free. I no longer work in a toxic work environment, and I no longer need to deal with a manager who gossips about me, causing me hurt and anxiety. But now, I continue to pray for her.

It’s incredible, though, how someone can go to the extent of their “power” as management, in order to destroy someone, because of their jealousy towards them. I don’t mean to sound so conceited or anything, and forgive me if I do, but I believe that it is jealousy that she has towards me. But it boggles my mind how someone can feel so jealous that they go to the extent that they do, just to “be better” than the person they are jealous of. It doesn’t matter that the company is closing in a couple of months. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t have to see me anymore. What matters is that she is on top of me and that she has the satisfaction of bringing me down.

The Lord does not punish us (though it kinda felt like it). It was definitely a test of humility, patience, and endurance. It was so easy to just fall down to her level and engage in the gossip with my coworkers, but it did nothing but give me satisfaction that people were on my side…but at the end of the day, I knew God was disappointed in me. The past two months were the hardest two months of my life; both spiritually, physically, and mentally.

This experience is an affirmation of how much more we need to pray for the people in authority. That they learn to use their power for the greater good, and not for their personal satisfaction or advantage. As well, for the people who work for someone above them, that they cling on to God’s promise, fight through the hurt and frustration, and focus on getting through it all with prayer.

Two weeks ago, I heard one of the most amazing homilies!

Deacon Peter (at Merciful Redeemer Parish) was talking about how in Mark 16:15-20, Jesus calls us go out and proclaim the gospel, and do what it is that God put us on this earth to do. He compared it to the movie, Forest Gump.

“Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir.”

During Deacon Peter’s homily, he said, “We don’t need to look for Jesus. He is not lost. If anyone is lost, it’s us.

What do you do when you are waiting for God? God gives us a yes, sometimes no. More often than not, he says wait. It’s God’s way of pacing us. He makes us wait not because he needs, it but we need it.

Sometimes the journey is more important than the destination. The time of waiting can be a time to deepen our faith, not to put us in despair. It is in the waiting that our souls become cleansed.” 

In my reflection, I realized how impatient I am and how I much I always want to be in control. Even more now because of how crazy things have become at work. I’m still waiting to hear back on new job, and I get so antsy every time I think about it. I know that there’s nothing I can do to make them come to a decision any faster or make the processing of my application any faster. And it drives me crazy. But this homily was a great reminder that I need to stop stressing out, and instead, simply pray for patience and be still in Him. He has the upper hand on this one, and I just need to relax and enjoy the ride.

I recently started veiling.

There have been times where I would sin and feel so unworthy to wear the veil. But then, I also felt weird going into mass or adoration without it. So, I prayed, “Lord, I have sinned against you and I don’t feel worthy to veil myself. I also don’t feel worthy to walk into Your house without the veil. Please help me.” As I sat there in silence, the Lord said, “You are a sinner, my child, and my love for you will never end.”

As I reflected on this message, I realized that, in veiling and blocking your peripherals so you focus on God and your prayer, it’s even more reason for us sisters to veil because we are sinners. So our vision is narrowed and directed towards Christ, and we only see Him. Our desire for Him becomes overwhelming. It’s also humbling because in recognizing that you are a sinner, you lay down your pride and acknowledge that you need Him. 

Veiling has certainly allowed me to fall deeper in love with God and has planted this immense desire for Him <3

Every day that I go to work, I am affirmed that I am called to be there to be a light of Christ to my co-workers. I have actually seen Christ in the most unexpected ways, and in people I didn’t expect I would see Christ in.

There is so much negativity in my office, and I try to best I can to respond in the most positive way possible and pray for my coworkers who are clearly in a dark place in their lives.

In the past year that I have been here, I have taught one person how to pray the rosary, inspired one person to read a daily devotional to increase her faith in the Lord, and taught someone to be grateful for each day and all small things. I was always afraid to tell people I would pray for them, but now I actually do it, and I actually feel okay. It’s empowering to see how the Holy Spirit has worked through me to bring people towards Christ…in my workplace!

This experience and acknowledging that God is using me, has not only encouraged me to be a better Christian and model of love, but it has allowed me to be more forgiving towards my manager who gossips about me sometimes. It has allowed encouraged me to focus on the positive, instead of dwelling in the negative. I have learned to be more understanding of others, rather than assume or expect things from others. I can honestly say that working here, though I am surrounded by so much negativity every day, has encouraged me to be a better Christian. I truly Praise God for this.

The deacon at my home parish said during his homily, “The salvation is already done. The judgement is already done.”

When I heard this, my first thought for some reason was, “oh so it’s already done. Why are we all still going to confession then? Why do we worry so much about ensuring we do not receive the Eucharist until we have gone to confession?” Maybe it was just the way he said it, because it was said in such a nonchalant way.

But when I heard the rest, which was, “Just love everyone as God loved you. If someone has wronged your or you have wronged the Lord, you have nothing to worry about, except to love more,” it was an affirmation of our mission here on earth. It was a reminder that Jesus died so we can have eternal salvation, therefore, God’s love is eternal, therefore, our pursuit of Christ should be never ending and our ability to love should be never ending.

In order for us to truly love one another, we need to be repentant, just as we are called to do so, in Mark 1:15, “The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!”