Author: Ellen Maigue-Talacca

Yesterday the top leaders of Montreal met to conduct their monthly service meeting.  The evening was riddled with the same elements that made a routine service meeting: agenda items unrolling one by one, the sound of the occasional phone alarm from timekeeper and clacking on the keyboard care of the note taker. Business as usual, because Mission entails alot of work. That evening, however, the dreariness became unusually more felt leading our one of our couple coordinators to exclaim “Man, we really got to find time to chill!”

Finding the Joy.  With so much being asked of us in service, it is funny sometimes how easier it is to notice our being poured out (energy, time, emotion) and completely miss how much the Lord is wanting to fill us up.

The saying goes “the reward for good service is…more service”. I believe this saying is not a a challenge to do more for the Lord, but rather to recognize that service is but an excuse for the Lord to love us. The more we servencounter,  the more occasions we get to witness the Lord at work.

Pope Francis is constantly reminding us of the culture of Encounter.  Do we see Christ extending His hands to us each day? Do we recognize Him leading us through the most difficult of our tasks?  Do we notice His face in the people with serve/serve with? Recognizing Jesus and responding to Him is what makes the difference between “successful” (and ultimately draining) service life and a “spirit-filled” one.

“What slows us down from receiving Christ is our intense (and at times unyielding) desire to understand God’s will.  God doesn’t necessarily promise that He will reveal His will to us.  What He does promise is even better:  His promise to us is that He is constantly accomplishing it in our lives.”  -Paraphrasing Archbishop Christian Lepine at Corpus Christi Mass. 

The above message came before the Mass-goers filling the pews Mary-Queen-of-the-World Cathedral started a eucharistic procession in the Downtown Core of Montreal. At the front of the line  leading was the presence of Christ exposed through a monstrance.

All throughout the walk, I sensed profound quiet of being led in this way. It was a surreal experience to feel the solemn and warm (we had candles) eucharistic procession contrasting with the bleak and austerity of St-Catherine street.

My simple reflection was this: An act of faith such as this one is not calculated. It is silent, but powerful. It derives from truth knowing that it is the Lord that leads. 

There are so many situations in Mission that lead my heart to experience disquiet.  Nights like these remind me that so long as I follow the Lord’s steps and pacing, nothing can stop His will from being accomplished, whether in service or in my life as a Christian.  Trust in Him is a powerful Light that not only guides, but also enables us to move despite uncertainty. 

I once heard from a session that while Waiting is an integral part of living, it sometimes becomes an act the robs us from the joy of Him in our lives.

In a season of waiting for answers and prayers, He has always led me to introspect on life: To whom do my allegiances lie? To whom does my heart belong? Ultimately, the long journey of questioning and prayer leads me back to the realization God wants me all to Himself.

The desire for God is written in our hearts (CCC27). It might be disguised as other desires. In time, however, the Holy Spirit peels aways the layers and exposes what we are really waiting on: the Lord.

Holy Spirit, I give you permission to work in my life that way that You want. 

I recall fondly a time (way back when)  some Montreal sisters had gotten into the habit of doing weekly visits to the Oratory, Fridays after classes.  The routine was: arrive slightly before the 4:30PM Mass, do some quality prayer time, and proceed to the usual confessional for Reconciliation.

One Friday in particular offered a weird experience.  Upon finishing “my list of sins”, the elderly french-speaking priest said, in a seemingly annoyed voice: “Is that it? Why are you asking for absolution for just that?” (as if I was wasting his time).

Maybe I needed to undergo a better examination of conscience.  Maybe the priest was simply grouchy that day.  Who knows.  All I know is that this pivotal experience was the Lord’s way of putting me on a journey to rediscover what it means to pray with desperation.

There seems to be many prayer seasons out there, one of which can be a time when one has memorized all the usual prayers, collected many spiritual books, and has seemingly exhausted all possible journal entries.  It’s at this point that we must “pour out the blessings” through Service/Mission, or fall into the trap taking prayer for granted (or into the sin of pride) (pissing off a priest out of an apparently boring,insincere sin list)

Serving in the Community, and even simply living to its fullness our Mission as Christ’s disciples should challenge the fullness of our being, and take up of all our energy, time, emotional stability…everything.   After all, if we’re in the business of Saving Souls, we are truly combating an Enemy…it should rightly do so.  And when desperation comes, the answers never come, and there’s nothing left but to surrender…the Lord presents Himself in a huge way…through the re-gifted present of Prayer.

Prayer is truly synergistic experience: drawing us closer to the Lord, and thus inevitably igniting a flame of His love that others will draw warmth from.  They say that when we burn with the fire of Christ, one can never be exhausted.  But if one needs help igniting the flame in the first place, Mission can be a spark: it pulls us beyond ourselves, compelling us to see what’s at stake (in who/what we’re praying for), illuminates our our limitations, and reminds us of our utter dependence on the Lord.  This desperation is truly a powerful vehicle of prayer.

Every day of living and serving after this surgery has been a test of character, in more ways than one.  In one way or another, I always find myself in this process of constantly evaluating what it means to be:

a good full-time worker…a good servant…a good counterpart…a good ate…a good teacher…a good applied human scientist…a good daughter…a good Catholic…a good conflict revolutionist…a good…ANYTHING

And every day, He challenges (or quite literally tears apart) everything I’ve always known as “Good”, and what is seen as “Success”.  It’s this ultimate confusion or seeming disorganization that sometimes slows me down in my tracks, and on some days, blatantly stops me from doing anything.  How do i know I am doing His work…if to my eyes, I am not producing results that I’ve come to instinctively embrace as “good”?

I’m learning that the only reassuring thing is the following: even if I can’t trust myself to do anything “good”, I sure can trust that this plan that the Lord has me on is more than “good” enough.  The only real measure of success I can rely on…. is to lovingly trust Him…in everything that I do….

This week St-Joseph had a feast day, and I was blessed to attend Mass at the Oratory in Montreal.  The homily was given by the Archbishop, and was centered on St-Joseph being un homme confiance.  In english, two meanings to the word “confiance”…a man of “trust and confidence”.  The message was simple:

We are called to be a people of Joy.  In order to do that, however, we must first be a people of  Confiance…of Trust and Confidence. 

Do I Trust the Lord with every fibre of me? Because if I do, then I can be confident “He’s got my back”.  He knows my every worry and is taking care of it.  I can be Joyful.

I was never called to be father of Christ (#bigrole #yougoSt-Joe), but every day in Mission I encounter so many worries, weaknesses, unworthiness… so many reasons to Trust. So many ways I can built in the virtue of Joy!

“The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in Him!” (Lamentations 3:24)