Author: Arvin Amo

Ora Pro Nobis

I definitely ignored him in the past days but He always finds a way for me to be feel loved.

Last Monday, on my way to St. Benedict’s Chapel to attend mass, a young girl (found out later that she’s 18 months old) just ran up to me as I was walking towards the entrance of the chapel. Of course I love kids so there was no hesitation to be friends with her and to carry her (Also she had the expression of longing-ness). At this point, I was really amazed and happy and overjoyed because I may not why she did that but I know the Lord did it. While carrying the girl, I was talking to her mom and the mom told me that’s she’s just very friendly. I had to cut short our bonding because of mass which was a bit sad but good thing she didn’t cry, haha.

I was just in time for mass so I decided to stand at the back. And here’s this image (below) that really struck me. This image has been at the chapel for as long as I can remember but I haven’t really noticed it so deeply until that moment. I don’t know who are being portrayed in the image but I do know it’s a mother carrying a baby. And I quickly remembered the moment with the little girl I had a while ago. After that I was just mind blown. I kept thanking the Lord before and during the mass for His very intimate presence.

I searched the image when I got home and it was Our Lady of Good Counsel. Not only that the Lord wanted to remind me but also our beloved Mother. I should read up more on her and maybe she can help me even more with the things I am struggling with or praying/discerning about.

I remember reflecting on what had just happened and as much as the Lord is reminding me of His love, He is (more importantly) calling me to run to Him without hesitations, with all my pains, joys, frustrations, happiness, etc.

Bottom line, I know that the Lord wants to feel I’m loved and that He is always there ready to accept me and comfort me anytime I decide to run to Him

Praise You Only, Lord! You are amazing! Your love is beyond mysterious, so intimate!

“Lord Jesus, make me vigilant and attentive to Your voice that I may heed Your call at all times.” (Laudate, Aug. 28)

2 weeks ago, I was blessed to join other Western North American brothers and sisters for the conference (WNAC) in California. I arrived in California few days before the conference because I wanted to travel around and also help out with any conference preparations left. When I arrived at my host house for the pre-conference days, I was welcomed much to my surprise of long list of conference things to do. Of course, at first I gladly accepted because I was there early to help out as well. However, as these days grew closer to the WNAC weekend, my heart started to feel heavy because I also knew that I wanted to spend my pre-conference days travelling around California. Instead, the Lord presented me with tasks. I couldn’t just ask the CFCs in the host house to tour me around because a) it’s not right, b) everyone who got hosted in the same house were busy with conference to do things that it would be inconsiderate for me to just leave and wander around and c) the CFCs hosting me actually had a big role for WNAC so they were also busy with things and picking up service team from airports. If you have been to California, then you would know that it takes long time to visit from places to places and transit is not readily accessible. However, I kept telling myself that I was there for service, to serve, to help fulfill what God has planned for this conference. But since my thoughts are not the same as His thoughts most of the times, it was hard to accept that, especially since I knew that I wouldn’t have time to travel around Cali after WNAC because my flight back home is literally right after the last day of WNAC. As heavy as my heart was, I decided to ignore the feeling and continued in doing the best I could. Conference weekend came and I knew that the first two days would be hectic due to serving for creative competitions.

Throughout the weekend I realized that this is one of God’s major challenge/task/test for me especially being an MV right now. In a way, He allowed to experience a foretaste of what FTPW life could be, a life of sacrifice and joy. Sacrifice? I’d like to think that I sacrificed some thing. Joy? I admit that I, as a person, tend to dwell on things especially sad things/moments which sucks my joy out and I just display this emotion of sadness, unworthiness. This was also Jesus’ way of asking me, “ARVIN, DO YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN THESE, more than the comforts and the worldly pleasures?”

“The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it.” – Blessed Teresa of Calcutta

There was definitely joy serving but I know that it wasn’t 100% joy, or at least 100% “voluntary” joy (sometimes I had to force myself because I don’t want to pass on this aura of sadness to others, though I’m pretty sure others felt it). I’m sure that I didn’t fully achieve this major task God had given me. Whether He’s calling me to FTPW or other things, it’s really time for me to discern more, to PRAY (PRAY PRAY) more because serving without joy is definitely not what God wants.

Despite of all of this, The Lord reminded me again of His love most especially through the other CFCY I met and got to serve with (special S/O to PAC bros and sis), through familiar faces, through affirmations of why I am in this community (e.g. a Priest, who used to be a CFCY, did talk 1 and he shared about how CFCY led him to his current vocation) and of course the beauty of California.

It was bittersweet to leave California but I know that Lord has purpose for bringing me there. He wanted me to rekindle of how His love revolved around my life and that it’s my turn to show my “love revolution” to Him.

For the past 2 Saturdays, I was able to visit two of Edmonton’s mission areas: Lloydminster and Red Deer/Ponoka/Lacombe (RDPL). These mission areas are my MV Assignment serving alongside a fellow MV. After 5 months of being MV, I finally received my mission assignment and this month has been a start of the real deal of MV life. I was already getting an inkling that this would be my service assignment after I led the RDPL camp earlier this year (with a fellow MV who’s also my current counterpart).

Why “Mission Zone?” These visits for the past two Saturdays really showed me the foretaste of what mission life is like. First challenge was that I didn’t have my counterpart to join me for the two events.

For last week’s RDPL visit, the event happened at the park since we couldn’t find a venue. And as the event progressed, it rained heavily (just as I started my talk). Eventually, I decided to stop my talk because the rain overpowered my voice, haha. Though it was cold, we were able to bond through singing to Liveloud songs and jamming to pop songs. Though my plan didn’t work, I still feel blessed because I feel like the youth got closer. We prayed together while hugging as one group. I knew then that building relationship is really MORE important in the progress of the area more so than my talks/sessions. Funny thing was my talk was going to be about comfort zones. The whole event was definitely not in my our comfort zones but The Lord never left us. As RDPL youth, we stayed and faced the coldness together. Instead of sadness, we prayed and rejoiced. We rose above the challenge.

For Lloyd, it was my first event there. I knew some of the youth because I was there last year at their first camp but I was still really nervous. The event also happened outdoors. My talk was about CFCYouth 101. Despite all bumps, I was really affirmed. After my talk, I tasked them to come up with ideas of what they want to see happening or how they want Lloyd to grow. While listening to them, it was affirming and blessing because even though I realize that there’s really more work to be done (since they are a fresh area) but the youth there are willing to grow. That’s what’s needed for His will to happen in Lloyd.

As I reflect on these events, “mission zone,” is really going out of my comfort zone. From coordinating events with CC’s, to asking other CFCYEDM youth to serve, preparing for a talk, and confirming things are just some of the things that I’m constantly learning and growing. I know there will be more challenges but I’m definitely excited to continue serving these mission areas. Though it’s uncomfortable, I know the Lord called my counterpart and I to reach out to the youth from these mission areas. As long as I continue to pray and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit,, I know that His plan for these mission areas will be fulfilled, one event at a time.

The Lord truly (like X100000000) never fails to love us.

Last Saturday was just one of “His” moments. To begin with, I woke up late for work and I knew I didn’t have enough time but I still took quite a long shower and prepared my things including my dinner. In the midst of the panicking, I messaged my coworker saying that I’ll be late. I work part-time at St. Joseph’s Basilica as receptionist and on Saturdays, the shifts are 9-2, 2-7. I was working the latter shift. I got out of the house and went to the bus stop. Then all of a sudden, I see a family friend drove by, stopped and offered to give me a ride. At that point I was really amazed/happy/exhilarated/shocked. The Tita (who drove) even said that she doesn’t normally drive on that street where my bus stop is located so that even added to my amazement. I felt really blessed. I arrived just on time and I even had time to buy Starbucks before that (lol). The Lord is really our knight in shining armour who will save us, protect us no matter what. There were a lot of other surprising, caught-me-off-guard moments which really continues to assure me that HE IS HERE! That there’s no reason to hide/avoid Him when really everything around us, in this world is about Him, speaks of Him, and breathes life/present because of Him. I thank the Tita for being God’s instrument in that time of need and other individuals in the past who have been instruments of His love. Thank You Lord!

Going into SHouT 2015, I was excited and really nervous at the same time. Excited, because it’s been 2 years since I attended one. Nervous, because I wasn’t just participating, I was also serving: lead a workshop, be the “barker” (the discipliner, the wake up call person) and the worship steward (assigns worship leaders every morning, afternoon and evening). For the workshop, I led the exhortation workshop which was actually very informative and helpful. I definitely learned new things while I was preparing and while I was hearing everyone’s exhortation based on a given theme. Being a barker for the first time, at first it was okay but as soon as I started giving punishments it was hard for real. I’m not used to giving punishments nor I would like to give one. There was one incident where my group got punished because we didn’t finish cooking on time. I was really sad and I felt guilty. But a brother reassured me that I should think of it as disciplining. For the wake up call, I’m not a morning person at all. I wouldn’t wake up early if I don’t need to. But throughout the SHOuT, I found that it wasn’t hard for me to wake up early at all and I woke everyone up before 6. Praise God (truly!!!!!!) for allowing me to fulfill that.

Going into SHouT 2015, my heart was heavy, with the after effects of setbacks, family misunderstandings and sins. I knew I had to go to confession and I did just before the 1st day. I wouldn’t allow that to affect not only my service but also spending time with Him. Throughout the 4 days and 5 nights, He showed me foretastes on how to love Him more from memorizing memory verses, to praying more, to spending more time with the rest of the core group and to spending almost 2-hours with Him through a silent retreat. There were uncomfortable times and situations and moments where I didn’t want to make an effort in praising Him or glorifying Him but He ALWAYS reassured me of His love first through the people & fellowships, through the surroundings/nature, through every meal, through every day and night. I just hope that all the realizations I’ve had during SHouT will stay and will move me to love Him more, my family more and the service He entrusted to me.

Despite early mornings and late nights, I felt really blessed and affirmed because The Lord really showed His love and mercy and persistence to reach out to me. Thank you, “Heartbeat”! Thank you Sumaylo’s for allowing us to stay at your house. #shout2015 #leap2015 #onemountain #cfcyedmcoregroup :)❤️

Last night, we had our Monthly MV Meeting (it was a teaching night). I was in and out because of a core brothers’ Household. I was still able to go through the teaching from a document sent by our beloved Program Heads (thank you!!!!!!). The topic was on “The Ten Most Unwanted: Identifying the Joy Rubbers.”

It was about 10 joy-stealers in our lives. For the sake of everyone, the ten most unwanted joy-stealers are: fear, worry, loneliness, discouragement, anger, resentment, doubt, procrastination, temptation and jealousy.

At the end of the document, the reflection question states: which joy-stealer(s) has/have you run into? How did you handle it?

Since I wasn’t able to share it during the meeting, I’ll share it here. I’m sure all of us have experienced/are experiencing most, if not all, of these joy-stealers. But I am going to reflect/share on one that really affected the most.

WORRY
Aliases: Anxiety, Distress, Nervousness, or Unsettledness
Last seen: Tempting a young married couple to worry that they would run out of money if they began to tithe regularly.
MO: “Hey – wise up! God only helps those who help themselves.”**
Defense: Trust – “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

Since 2nd year of university, my worries & insecurities really started to get ahead of my trust. Since high school, I have already started dreaming /hoping about becoming a doctor, #MEDDREAM (paediatrician, to be specific). First year, I was really excited to start university studies, to jumpstart the journey to Med. That excitement led to receiving a decent GPA, it was neither 4.0 nor close to it but it was good enough. Come 2nd year, I was taking classes that I disliked but I had to as part of requirements for Med Application. This is when the worry/unsettledness really started especially when I got my first midterm mark of the school year and it was below 50%. I began to procrastinate more which led to negative effects which led to even more worries. Fast forward, 2nd year ended, my GPA definitely dropped compared to the 1st year. I began to be more anxious, emotions were unsettled. Instead of praying/reflecting at the end of the school year, I just let it slide/avoid it, saying that it was summer anyways and I’ll think about it during September.
3rd year, I changed programs from General Science to Medical Laboratory Science in hopes of getting stable job/ after just in case I don’t get into Med right after. I was thinking, planning, sort of reflecting on how I’ll approach my studies this time so that 2nd year wouldn’t be repeated again. 3rd Year was probably the toughest year so far with 5 lectures and 7 labs per week. It was very demanding. One of my biggest weaknesses is dwelling so much on the past that instead of learning, I just spend my time dwelling/crying over and over again (the overthinker life). Instead of working harder, worries/insecurities/procrastination led to unproductive year. I passed but my GPA really suffered, it was the lowest of its lows.
In addition, because I’m the only child, there is another worry that my parents might not approve of me going away for Med in case I don’t get into the Med School here in the province (I was already looking for other universities, even outside of Canada); worry of leaving them, making it sound like I’m selfish, etc.
There was always just that blind hope that prayers would be enough, that God will make a miracle for me during every exam, every obstacle in my studies. Why I picked worry as the one I would share because I got hit by its MO. “Hey – wise up! God only helps those who help themselves.” I remember telling myself this over and over again. That God only helps those who help themselves. It’s funny because you think it’s true but the devil is so crafty that he distorts the meaning/purpose of God’s teaching. However I don’t think it means that one will expect manna from heaven without working for it. “Faith without action is dead.” But I think that God is telling us it doesn’t matter if we didn’t do our best, or we lacked motivation as long as we fully trust in Him He will provide. Obviously, for me it was half-hearted trust. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have those worries.
Now, I still have worries regarding Med. However, it’ll always be a dream/goal for the future. Because of the grace of God, I am more and more lifting this dream/desire to Him (it’s still not 100%). Over the past year, I have been affirmed that God will provide, that He will answer my prayers in the right time. The waiting time worries me (mind’s running in all directions everytime I think about it) but I know the Lord will build me up and prepare me for now, until that day when He’s ready to give my #MEDDREAM to me.

Last weekend I attended my first SFC Mountain Region Regional Conference in the city of Calgary with the theme of Love More (John 21:15-17).

Going into a conference for the first time wouldn’t normally evoke any emotions other than being excited (at least for me) but of course The Lord didn’t just want me to be excited. Even though it was my first time, He already wanted me to serve Him, as Praisefest leader (for the second consecutive weekend, first one during RYC which was the weekend before).

When our SFC Area CC messaged me and said that I’m chosen as one of the worship/Praisefest leaders, I was really like shocked. Doubts clouded my thoughts. But it’s not like I could say no. The service team discerned for me (despite not telling me beforehand that they were). This happened during RYC prep so I didn’t pay much attention. Then a Kuya/Tito messaged to ask me about my song list (from a pre-determined pool). Another challenge was that I haven’t even heard one of the pre-determined songs, a slow one (“From Within”), before but I didn’t mind it. As the ReCon weekend was approaching, I started to prepare for my Praisefest. However there was no outline so I didn’t know what my exhortation would be based on. I thought that maybe I’ll use the same one from the Praisefest I led during RYC (which I ended up using except I attacked my sharing differently to relate to the ReCon’s theme). I listened to “From Within” so I can learn the lyrics, (maybe) incorporate the meaning of the song into my statements and to reflect on it as well. The lyrics of the song are beautiful. I was even saying to myself that this is the song someone who’s discerning for FTPW, or religious life would song and relate to. Though I had doubts, The Lord simply was asking me “Arvin, do you love me? Then tend my lambs.” (Like when He asked Peter). Even before ReCon (from the beginning of my life), He was already asking me that question.

One of my other highlights from ReCon was being able to dance for The Lord with my SFC YEG bros and sisters. Though I’m not pro at it, it was really a good experience to do that again especially since it’s been a while. Despite almost not finishing the piece, having incomplete attendance at practices, starting late, God truly provides. For a bonus, t’s really His grace that allowed us to win against Calgary dance teams. I was just really #happy (haha) to be able to dance for Him again.

Overall, again like I said earlier I was excited coming to my first ReCon. It was definitely a meaningful weekend. I thought that I wouldn’t have fun at a SFC ReCon especially from a CFCYouth perspective (not judging though, lol) but God worked and revealed a different vibe of fun to me. It was also different because I was a participant (not part of the service team) so I got to listen to all sessions and participated (especially during Adoration) without worrying if things are running smoothly. Club Praise was another highlight (sooooo fuuuun, :)).

I mentioned that this ReCon was meaningful because it allowed me to reconnect with my life especially in how The Lord loved me (one of the activities was to list 2014 victories) and how He wants me love more (another activity was to list the people in my life who i should love more).

This weekend The Lord truly reminded me on the fundamental question He’s been asking me throughout my life. I know my actions would speak that I may not love Him but He already knows that. He already knows that I’m weak. But as long as I point my weaknesses to Him, I know that He’ll guide me. It’s a way/form of love when I entrust my entirety to Him. I know there’s more ways to love Him. I just have to always remember that He loved me first and that nothing I do could ever surpass His love for me. That His love is an inspiration for me to love Him back, to love myself, my family, friends, bro/sis in Christ, etc.