Author: Alodia Landingin

“Yet not what I want but what You want”

When the Lord called me back to His arms in 2015, I knew I had to follow Him. I remember telling Him, “I want what You want for me and of me, my God, my everything”. This prayer changed me. This was all before I knew anything about discernment or had a thought on Matthew 26:39.

On Tuesday, we had our MV teaching on Discernment and was wonderfully affirmed by how discernment is defined – that is to surrender, to desire what God wants for you.

However, as I recalled conversations I had with some friends and acquaintances, as they wondered if I’m seriously considering becoming a full-time pastoral worker, I realized I’ve never really thought of what I would be giving up. I’m aware of what I might have to give up but if this is what God wants for me, then I’m bound to find peace in it, right? All I know is I love God and I know He has better plans than what I can even dare to imagine. I pray that more and more people will love Him too, know Him too. That they will discover His infinite goodness and love. It’s the nearness of Him that I seek, that I’m thankful for. I am aware that this desire, this mission might come in different forms, different ways and that’s why I can only want what He wants for me, nothing more, nothing less.

 

Trying,

Alodia

A few years ago I met this girl who annoyed me by merely her existence. She rubbed me the wrong way because well, I wasn’t fond of her personality.

Little did I know that this situation would teach me how to pray for someone I clearly disliked. I have never prayed this much for someone I didn’t even want to be friends with. My negative feelings and thoughts toward her weighed me down. I didn’t like myself when she’s around. One day, I asked the Lord for a chance to get to know her better. He answered swiftly. I was at the front row when she was sharing at a gathering not knowing that she’d be one of the sharers.

I cried after her sharing because I felt the Lord is telling me, “You want to be better so here’s your chance. Listen well”. Though she didn’t do anything different to change how I feel towards her, I was beginning to understand her more. So I continued to find ways to get to know her more and more and more. Little by little I discovered her humanity, her strengths and weaknesses, and what made her the way she is. Now I know. With God’s loving grace, I found myself accepting her for everything she is, even the ones I disliked in the first place. I appreciated her kind heart.

Now, whenever I see her, I thank God for teaching me the virtue of forbearance but most especially, for an unlikely friend who taught me how to pray for people I had difficulty understanding and loving. Sometimes, we reject and dislike what we do not quite know but we must work to courageously love first before we decide to throw anything or anyone away.

Considered a blessing that it is a continuous cycle and bout of attempt and victory as it truly is a beautiful opportunity to be more like Jesus Christ, the ultimate manifestation of love. 

Lord, may I never forget to be more like You and may You continue to give my heart and mind the courage to look for the good, the best in a person before zooming in on the bad. Amen.

Trying,
Alodia

I realized from my past experiences that sometimes we suffer because we want people who cannot reciprocate how we feel, who don’t love us as much as we love them or we chase after things that we cannot get or aren’t for us; things that cannot satisfy us. We sometimes put these first. We’ve associated these to what complete happiness means. But don’t we realize that we have a God who loves us unconditionally and who loves us with everything He can give?

So why don’t we, first, put as much energy, value, love, and finally embrace God as much as we do these earthly things? How much greater joy can He give more than these?

Why do we keep running away from a perfect love?

Alodia

Lord, I’m not going to ask why sometimes it’s so hard or why it hurts or why it feels so discouraging but here is my heart. It’s not in the best shape right now. It is tired, cracked, some black spots here and there, bruised, sometimes off beat, always joyful in your presence, delicate.

So here it is. I’m giving it to You. I don’t have anywhere else to put it but on Your hands. Shape it how You want.

All I ask is, have mercy on this heart, oh Lord because it is trying its best to beat right for you.

Trying,

Alodia

“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be still.”

– Exodus 14:14

I remember last year when I was volunteering for the Children’s Liturgy at St. Mary’s Cathedral, the topic was following God’s commandments. We asked the children, “how do we show God we love Him?”. The children answered one by one:
“Be kind to everyone”
“Kiss your mom and dad”
“Say please and thank you”
“Take care of your siblings”
“Share your crayons”

I will never forget how I felt as I listened to these four to 10 year old kids answer a question we as adults have already complicated in the midst of our busy lives. We seem so distracted that we forget how to love simply. How simple and pure is the faith of a child!

I was the assistant teacher for today’s Children’s Liturgy at my parish. My heart was so full. I realized then that this ministry I volunteer for brings me so much joy and is kind of like a safe, happy place for me. In the beginning, the kids sang the “Sorry Song” and I was sitting in the back, holding back tears as they sang this short song:

Dear Lord Jesus, hear our prayer,
As we bring to you our cares
Please forgive us any wrongs,
As we sing our sorry song
Help us to be kind each day
In our thoughts and in all we say.

How fitting that today we are celebrating Pentecost. The manifestation of God’s love through the Holy Spirit. It is through the Holy Spirit that we are able to love, to forgive, to ask for mercy and when we let the Holy Spirit descend in our hearts, our faith can be as pure and  wholehearted like that of a child – only wanting to please the Father, only wanting to love like Love itself. 

Alodia

I spent a couple of days with the Sisters of the Precious Blood this past weekend. My heart, mind, body and soul have been weary for awhile now. Being there, it turns out I’m more tired than I can admit to myself. Though I’ve been focused on accomplishing tasks I knew and felt are in service for the Lord, I still felt distracted and disoriented. I’m becoming a little too much like Martha.

I haven’t been in true silence with God in so long. I missed Him so much. The sisters were kind and warm. I felt at home. It’s good to slow down, be in silence, learn from the saints. My time this weekend reminds me of an old favourite, Vienna by Billy Joel. The song is saying you’ve got your whole life ahead of you, “slow down, you’re going to be fine. No matter what you do, be good at it, and whenever you get there, you get there.”

Slow down, you’re doing fine
You can’t be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,
Too bad but it’s the life you lead
You’re so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you’re wrong, you know
You can’t always see when you’re right. You’re right

Slow down, you crazy child
And take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
It’s all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

 

Spending time with my loving Father is my Vienna and Vienna waits for me 🙂

Alodia