Author: Ch'lex

My heart and my family life have gone through some major bumps this past month. I cried out to God wondering why this was all happening just before entering SHOUT. I did not want to be burdened and bothered going into it. It’s as if all the issues that my heart and mind were dealing with were emptying the Lord’s light in me. There was something so surreal during SHOUT that I have never allowed myself to encounter before. I stayed silent and allowed Him to speak to me. Before I knew it, God started filling me up with an overwhelming amount of peace and understanding. He held me up and would not let me fall.  I don’t know how to explain the change inside of me. I am very aware that I am not the same person that I was 2 weeks ago.

Let your troubles go. Do not burden yourself with matters of this world. Do you not trust in Me? I have great plans for you. You know in your heart already that all you need to do is to surrender and trust. Your heart is being prepared for something greater. You know this. So why do you worry and doubt? Place your heart in My hands. Fear not. You are never alone. Let go of the bitterness and hate that has consumed you. I made you to love. 

I grew up not having a sister-like role model in my life. 2 younger brothers, no cousins close to my age, constantly on the move from school to school, etc. I always tried to keep in touch with people, but time always broke down everything. Being in this community, I have been blessed with countless sisters that I have grown to love, look up to, and take care of. This past week the Lord has been speaking to me through various sisters, as a reminder of love. How blessed am I, to simply hear God working through them just by a phone call or text. In person, the beauty that they radiate is purely inspiring. I have always struggled to be a true daughter of God through my actions and words. The sisters that I have grown to know and love in this community are always constant reflections of Jesus to me. No matter the distance, thank You for blessing me with a lifetime of friendships, love, and laughter.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter; he who finds one finds a treasure. A faithful friend is beyond price, no sum can balance his worth. A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy, such as he who fears God finds; for he who fears God behaves accordingly, and his friend will be like himself. –Sirach 6:14-17

A few weeks ago, I decided to do something that my teenage self would probably think was a horrible idea. I decided to spontaneously go on a road trip alone with my parents. For those who don’t know, my family is not tight-knit. We would always clash. Simple conversations would turn into heated arguments within seconds. Who knew that moving out was a blessing in disguise to the relationship with my parents. My place is incredibly tiny, so when they would visit me..I really had nowhere to go but to sit there and just talk. We would catch up once a week and just truly enjoy each other’s company.

This past year has opened up my  heart to realizing that time is precious. They will never know that I was secretly SO excited to go on a road trip with them. The amount of begging and convincing I had to do, just so we could long drive to San Francisco and Phoenix made them slightly suspicious though. We used to long drive across Canada, back and forth between Ontario, Manitoba and B.C. It was sort of our family thing to do. 18 hours to San Francisco. 14 hours from San Francisco to Phoenix. 29 hours going back to San Francisco (because of all the places we wanted to stop by on the way). 18 hours going back home. The entire trip was only 12 days. We took our time and rested a lot on the road, but that is seriously A LOT of time spent together, at least for us it was. I know there probably aren’t a lot of chances in life left to be able to do things like this. As simple of a trip as it was, it will be a moment I will always hold on to. The Lord has allowed me to see them in a completely different light than how I did as a teenager. It’s unbelievable how ridiculous my thoughts were of them when I was younger.  I cannot love them enough for how much they have done for my brothers and I.

Thank You, Lord for the opportunities of these precious moments in life. The love of a mother and father is incomparable to anything this world has to offer.

My journey continues in this beautiful community. I used to be an open book. I used to serve and love everyone whole heartedly when I first joined in 2006.  I used to always say yes to whatever was asked of me, because I wanted to be someone that people could count on. I used to be selfless, kind and humble. I changed. For the past 4 years, I have become opposite of all those things. I closed myself off from friends because I felt hurt. I became hateful, prideful, and jealous. I started saying no because I didn’t want to feel like I was being walked all over on. I started seeing everyone through darkness. I started living blindly.

I am changing. I have said yes to being a Mission Volunteer, because I have finally chosen to let God take the lead. I am trying to be a better sister to those around me. I am trying to view everyone in God’s light. I’m yearning to love others unconditionally, and completely be the daughter and sister that I was meant to be. I want to live a life so that others may see Christ in me.

“Trust in God and He will help you; make straight your ways and hope in Him.” –Sirach 2:6

Lord, may Your love continue to move me.