Author: Abby Aquino

We recently had our MVA Shout and one of the activities we got to participate in was the monthly Gather for the Homeless that my SFC household head organizes every month. Unfortunately, because of the busyness of the youth, I was never able to attend so this was a blessing in disguise. Even though it was raining and we didn’t have proper gear for the weather it was still really beautiful talking and sharing with those on the street for something that I would consider so little as a conversation and Tim Horton’s donut. The song “One Day” by Hillsong kept playing in my head as we encountered people.

During the SHouT we were challenged before going out to give away one personal item. This wasn’t a challenge I hadn’t heard of before but one I dreaded to receive. Mainly, because I’m not the type of person who would carry a “personal” item (not to say i’m not a hoarder – you can ask for my kindergarten report card, I still have it). I’d like to think im a practical person, if I wouldn’t use it what’s the point of having something with you.

As we were walking and talking, I was sharing my small umbrella with my partner and as we continued to meet more and more people my practical self went “Oh no, I know what I need to give away”. My umbrella that I thoughtlessly throw into my bag everyday for those just in case moments was something I did treasure and parting with it wouldn’t be easy. Especially in the weather we were in, I knew it was what I was going to give away. I’m happy I did because the women I gave it to was so happy and thankful for it and it did bring me joy even though I was soaking wet.

Now as SHouT came to an end, I was talking to my fellow MVAs and I realized we never processed about giving away our personal items. As I asked them, they all revealed to not have given anything away. I was disappointed. Here I was, finally following the rules, being “obedient” and they hadn’t even processed? I wasn’t able to stand up and say “I DID IT!” Of course after a good minute of vocalizing my disappointment I quickly stopped before I got a little too heated. I took some time to just think for bit in silence, I guess I reflected. Did my act of kindness NEED processing or did I need applause? Was it really an Act of kindness if I needed some sort of validation? Wasn’t the fact that God knew my intentions and my actions enough? Is He more than enough for me?

This lead to my prayer for this week:

Father God help me think less of myself and more for others. Jesus, help me be more like you. Holy Spirit, guide my heart that all that I do is only for the glory God and not for myself. 

Amen.

In Christ,

Abby

During a discussion with my sister’s household we brought up what our greatest fears were. This is one of those questions we throw around for fun alongside “how’s your heart”. But this time we actually took it seriously and attempted to answer the question. Automatically I thought of the dark (it’s too unknowing I don’t like not knowing things) then I thought of what makes me scared right now. School just popped into my head, not because I fear lectures or presentations but I was actually done with it. This meant changes.

I’m not one for drastic changes in my life. Not out of coping, maybe more out of laziness but definitely out of fear. Many people experience this with big life moments or decisions. Getting cold feet, running away, that fight or flight mode. For me it less of a fight or flight and more of just stand there and see what happens. However, we aren’t called for complacency in our lives, whether if be our prayer life, work, school or even in our discernments for our future. And here I was being complacent with something so important my vocation.

With graduation just around the corner, I’m about to complete this step in pursuing my vocation. I know I need to not only ask the Holy Spirit for guidance but need to take action. There’s trust in the Lord and then there’s trust in the Lord. I know that He has my back, but I still need to lock my doors at night as protection. If I must takes steps into the unknown, I’m prepared to “gird my loins” if it means not being complacent, I need to at least try.

Father God, I ask that you not only send the Holy Spirit to guide me as I discern for my future, but give me the courage to do what I must do to fulfill my vocation. Even if that means facing my fears, I know that you are with me.

Amen.

In Christ,

Abby

At the beginning of the year, I hunted for the BEST agenda. I literally mean a hunt. I went through all the shelves at bookstores, office supply stores, online, just to find the one that was perfect for me. I couldn’t even physically get the book myself, I had to ask a friend to pick it up for me. That’s how badly I wanted it. I bought new pens in multiple colours, not for school or for any type of journaling but for my agenda.

When I finally got it in my hands, I rushed to insert all of the important dates into my agenda; birthdays, holidays, weddings, conferences, retreats, CFC-Youth events, you name it. Every entry was colour coded with some stickers for emphasis. I was honestly so happy with this agenda, that I carried it around with me everywhere I went even if I knew I wouldn’t need it that day. I entered goals for myself and even logged my spending habits. This was it, this was the year I would be organized and get my “act together”.

Then, I started to fall behind. I wasn’t starting my school assignments when I said I would, I was even struggling to hand them in on the due dates. Most of the goals I set weren’t getting a red star sticker of accomplishment next to them. CFC-Youth events that were planned for months in advance were getting cancelled or rescheduled. At this point I didn’t even bother opening my agenda because it was a reminder of all of the things that I could start but didn’t finish, goals I couldn’t achieve, events I couldn’t be present at. This agenda that I was so excited to fill with my plans for the year was something I didn’t even want to see so much that hid it under my bed because I was too ashamed of everything I couldn’t do.

On the weekend, I was complaining (something I am really great at) that I had to say “no” to so many things I wanted to say “yes” because I needed to be present at this one event and yet others couldn’t show up for just a bit. If I could sacrifice my time for just a couple of hours to attend I couldn’t understand the difficulty that other people could not do the same. As I was talking (more complaining) someone interrupted me and asked, “Are you really that busy?”. I was shocked. One, because I was interrupted and secondly, did this person not know who I am? Did I not show them my jam packed, colour coded agenda from the beginning of the year? Of course, being who I am began listing all of the things that I had to do for just the remainder of the month (in my mind). Ending my long list with, “yes, I am busy” out loud. HA. Showed them.

Naturally, I couldn’t let the question go. Am I really busy? Why was there? I could have chosen not to be there at that event but I was. Then I had to reflect on all the “yes'” and “no’s” I had made. The thing is, I made a choice and many other choices. I chose to not start my assignments on time instead I picked up that extra shift at work. I chose to stay up and hangout with my friends and woke up too late to make it to a meeting. I chose to say yes to my service, to be an MVA. I chose to accidentally drop my agenda and slide it under my bed and forget that it was there (until now). They weren’t bad choices (maybe that last one) but they were my choices.

God created us with the ability to make our own choices. It is with (hopefully) true discernment that the choices we make are aligned with God’s plan for us. Will I always choose His way? Probably not, sorry I’m a little stubborn and like making things harder for myself. For me, the real challenge is to admit that my way is not always His way. And that’s okay, knowing God He will always find a way to bring me back to where He wants me to be. I need to accept that the decisions I make are for myself and to be ok with them. My personal challenge is to upgrade my prayer time to make my relationship and communication with the Lord stronger. So for those future choices, whether they’re big or small can be more aligned to His plan

Well at least most of them.

I still have one week to bask in the beauty that is the Philippines. I’ve been trying to capture all of the moments that I’ve experienced but so much has happened that I will need a good while to process. I think I’m ready to come home but I’ve come to realize that at the same time I am home. The Lord is so perfect in his timing that I was not only able to attend ICON but it also happened around the same time as my grandmother’s 1 year death anniversary. I was able to spend time with my CFC-Youth international family but with my actual family as well.

Today I got to visit my aunt’s convent in Pasay, the Little Sisters of the Poor. The huge complex is open to and home to the elderly as well as the poor who have nowhere else to go and no one to take care of them. It was both humbling and beautiful to see the joy in the faces of the sister while they are serving these people. My heart was also so filled with joy (I actually cannot think of any other word to describe it) from the fact that my aunt who took care of me since I was born has answered a greater calling to a special life of service with this loving community.

I love talking to sisters because 1: they are so happy to see you (I’ve never met a nun who was like “great another random person visiting”) 2: they don’t judge you (any situation you are in they laugh is off with a “psh don’t worry you aren’t the first person to be experiencing that) 3: they share so much (whether it be an experience, some wisdom, food, a prayer, or most of the time a joke) even if they don’t have much. We talked about everything and anything, from vocations to God’s perfect timing. We touched upon how the sisters were present for my family during my grandmother’s funeral. This touched my heart so much. Being halfway around the world I was not able to mourn with my family and yet these wonderful women were there to embrace, support, pray and mourn with my family.

We took some time out of our touring and talking to the seniors to step into the chapel. As I prayed and reflected, I couldn’t help but look at the altar in some sort of familiarity. The altar looked like the altar back in my parish in Toronto. Yet it wasn’t, but at the same time it was. We visited so many different churches and chapels in the few weeks we were here but the feeling of home is the same in each of them. The realization that no matter where the Lord placed me, in His house whatever language was being spoken the same thing was happening. On the altar His love and mercy is poured out in the Eucharist.

It was the same for my family. Even though we are halfway around world, the love I felt from them in the few days we were able to spend together was like it hasn’t been 20 years since I’ve seen them. The familiarity in the way we speak, in the way we joke, in the way we eat (most importantly) is as if it was only last week I saw them.

The same can be said for the community CFC-Youth community. Seeing 10,000 youth from around the world singing the same songs knowing that we all shared the same covenant was such a surreal feeling. But that sense of home and belonging was felt with every person I met whether they were from Philippines or another country, a full-time pastoral worker or a member that just joined a few months back. We know that we are all hoping and praying for the same thing, that no matter where we are, we are bringing Christ with us.

Lord, continue to remind me that where ever You may take me, whatever You may call me to do, to know that I will always find a home in You.
Amen.

Abby