So I recently just got back from a trip with some old and new friends. We took a 5000 mile journey from Beautiful British Columbia, down to San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego, back to Los Angeles, another stop in San Francisco, back north to Portland, into Seattle, and back home where the heart is.
So with getting that out of the way, allow me to share with you a few experiences/revelations. You already know, if you keep up with some of my blogs, its very simple..yet very personal to me. So yeah,
HERE WE GO
Before we went on this journey (the pre-trip I guess), I had an opportunity to head into adoration at a parish I am familiar with but never took the time to take advantage of the chapel there. So I sat there, really wanting and yearning for the Lord to speak…I tried and tried to listen..only to realize that maybe in the busyness of life outside, He wanted me to sit and stare. (There’s a reason why that is written in bold letting..just wait)
“Open your eyes and your ears.”
Alright…I’m not gonna lie..when I was reflecting on what I felt what the Lord was telling me…I was confused. Why not my mind? Why not my heart? Was the answers to my prayers really that simple? Without question though, it stuck to me, I wrote that down on my phone and proceeded with the days ahead before the trip.
So, lets fast forward a bit. The reason I took this trip was because I felt so lost in the busyness of life. I didn’t know what I wanted, nor did I know what the Lord wanted for me. I’ve been stuck in this vicious cycle of being inspired to being luke warm, to keeping my emotions in check to being a wreck etc etc…oh man. The last half of the year was a personal blur…so I really felt compelled to let the Lord work in this trip.
So, lets fast forward again. We (me and my friends that went along) were sitting in the living room after we woke up and one of our friends decided to randomly share a reflection. Another friend of mine affirmed that reflection with simple words that was said so quietly, yet when I heard it, it felt like the weight of the world dropped on my head. Here it is, another revelation.
“God doesn’t want to confuse you. He makes everything personal to you and to you only.”
Alright, Alright. Once again. Opening my eyes, check. Opening my ears, check. God doesn’t to confuse me. Got it. So now what?
We were given the opportunity to visit a few friends at St. Michael’s Abbey up in the Orange County, California area. To be honest, it was the first time I’ve been ever exposed to the lives of a seminarian. These guys were even cloistered. A friend (Frater Emmanuel) that I have not seen in forever was one of the seminarians along with his brother (Frater Joachim) were the ones we were visiting. A little background story about Frater Emmanuel and I… (Side story ahead)
We never really talked before. (Bet you weren’t expecting that) But he plays an important part as to why I am still in the community. When I first decided to give the community a chance again back in 2010, I found myself often by myself due to not really knowing many people or still trying to get back into the groove of things. This big guy approached me…and just asked, “How’s your prayer life?” A lot changed from that conversation even though not much was said…what shocked me the most and what stuck to me the most was that wow, don’t even know him and first thing we talk about is faith. First thing he says about himself is really asking me how I am with the Lord.
OKAY, so enough of that…we were just driving in the car and here he goes again..I’m driving, he’s in the passenger seat, “What’s your predicament, Vince?” Immediately I got flashbacks of the first time we talked. So I explained to him, how I felt confused and how my experience in adoration just felt like I was staring, waiting. Then he reminded me of a story of St. John Vianney,
“I stare at Him because He stares at me.”
I got shivers. Maybe God is just waiting for me to say something rather than just sit there?
Anyways, we also had the beautiful privilege to visit the Bethlehem Priory of St. Joseph where the Norbertine sisters live. It was a beautiful experience…They too are very much cloistered, so it was rare to even see the sisters because as we sat during adoration there is a wall that prevents us from seeing them. It was so ironic because I could feel immediately the beauty and peace in the chapel. Really, you couldn’t see another soul in the room, yet you could feel the presence of true surrender and devotion to the Lord. Amazing experience.
They even fed us pizza and fruits…through a gate. HAHA Praise God though in invading their kitchen and drinking fresh milk and eating fresh cheese.
One of my friends has an interest in seriously discerning for the religious life. I sat there praying for that person in the chapel and I thought about how hard it was for the Fraters, and even for the sisters or anyone even to discern/plan for the religious life. Then boom…
“If you plan, only then will you be able to be open to what I have in store”
Okay, so lets fast forward to being here at home now after all that had happened.
I realized that the Lord has been always been working in my life despite the busyness and blur of it all. I was confused with decisions because I was okay with not doing anything about. I was just…staring. Little did I remember..the Lord this whole time continues to look at me in hopes that I may become a reflection of passing the blessings He has given me.
“Open your eyes and your eyes”
The people I went with were an affirmation to that revelation. To be a witness to their stories, their lives…It is an internal inspiration that I have been able to gather from them in how they serve the Lord now, and how much MORE they want to LOVE. The Lord was revealing to me how simple the matters of the heart can be comforted, by simply being a witness to His work in everything around me, and the beautiful devoted Catholics who I’ve been able to cross paths with.
“God doesn’t want to confuse you. He makes everything personal to you and to you only.”
Boy, did He ever make this trip personal to me. When it comes down to it my desire is to serve this community with a whole heart. I desire to be a better Catholic. I desire to love more. That conviction isn’t confusing. Its in fact a personal message from the Lord I’ve yet to unfold.
“I stare at Him because He stares at me.”
Never forget that in the end of the day, beginning of the morning…its always God. The one who loves, gives, takes, shares, forgives, etc etc. This was a revelation to simply stay in front of His presence.
“If you plan, only then will you be able to be open to what I have in store”
Be specific now. The Lord wants to hear these desires. He wants to know exactly what it is you are praying for. Be open to Him.
Lord, thank you for Quez, Butch, Tanya, Rocky and Bryan. Thank You for the safety You’ve granted us this past trip. The revelations, the spontaneous worships, reflections, and all of the above. Thank You for speaking to me. Thank You for this beautiful community. Thank You for life giving friendships. Thank You for family. Thank You for the life you’ve given us and the life ahead. Thank You for continuing to love me and everyone I love. Allow me to love more. Allow me to learn to receive. Allow me to selflessly give.
2015, I’m not saying I’m ready..I’ll just say that I’m willing.
Deo Gloria
**I missed so much more things that came from this trip…just ask me in person**