An Open Book

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If someone asks me a personal question that I don’t feel inclined to answer I usually respond with, “that’s a good question.” What usually ends up happening is that we talk about how I didn’t really answer their question rather than focusing on their initial question itself.

This is a great way to deflect attention.
It’s also a great way to hurt personal accountability with friends and loved ones.

My worship life has always had a heavy focus on asking for forgiveness and healing just so I can feel ready to come before the Lord in glory. Even when receiving communion I always hesitate on whether or not I’m spiritually worthy to receive Jesus. This is true even on the days where I’ve had the chance to participate in confession.

Over the years I’ve developed ways to selfishly build my life in a way where I only find myself accountable to God and God alone. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by so many amazing people in my life who are genuinely concerned for me and my well being, and so, my low levels of accountability point to a lack of honouring towards those who care about me.

Lord, I want to be an open book so that my life may reflect Your greatness to those whom You have placed in my hands. Help me.

– Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries”