It’s crazy what we will do for love. It’s crazy what others will do to seek a deep relationship with a significant other, to be able to fall asleep on the phone knowing that the person on the other side fell asleep with you in mind. It’s nice knowing that someone has your back emotionally and that someone is always thinking of you.
Right now my heart is everywhere. It is overjoyed at the victory that was True North Conference, with all the friendships I made and revelations given to me that weekend. It is burning with the desire to pursue full time pastoral work, to evangelize, and to glorify the Lord by my life. It is also marvelling at the success of completing the Bachelor of Education program at UBC no matter how hard the struggles and how numerous the trials.
But it is also tied down, bruised, beaten by everything else around me. It’s hard being the bread-winner for the family when I am so limited in the hours I get at work. It’s a struggle when you have two of your high school principals say just give them a call when the program is over so that they can get you into the Catholic education system right way but you can’t really apply for anything right now because you can’t print out the transcripts to apply to said jobs due to the fact that you still owe an outstanding amount for tuition. It’s hard not having a license because unfortunately you crashed the family car when you still had your L and are afraid to go back to the licensing office to inquire about getting it again. But, I think it’s super, ridiculously hard wanting the best for your ex-girlfriend but also being jealous that she was able to move on so quickly and have another guy to pursue her who, from the sounds of him, is perfect for her and even better than I could ever be (self-perception, yes).
But in all of these things, I have a heart that simply desires the will of the Lord because I know that what He wants of me is what is best for me. There are so many times though that I fail to see this. I fail to acknowledge that my heart is worth something to Him no matter what state it is in. That the Lord will use me in my brokenness to bring Him the greater glory.
Lord, allow me to use my situation to bless others.
I love You and I need You, Lord. Mama Mary, help me to see my worth. Papa Joseph, pray for me that I may truly be the man I am needed to be with my family and friends, in my leadership, in my lifestyle, in my livelihood, and, most especially, in my love life.
