A couple of days from now (June 04) is the first year death anniversary of my aunt. I can’t believe that it has been a year now. At exactly around this time last year, I was on my way to the Philippines to see my aunt that raised me up for 16 years. During those times, my heart was so troubled. I felt fear, anxiety, and sadness because the person that I cared the most is fighting for her life.
When she passed away, I was told to be strong for her, for my family, and everyone else around me. That’s what everyone kept telling me. To be honest, it was one of the hardest things to do. I remember there were times that because I needed to be strong for them, i couldn’t even cry even though I wanted to. I needed to always have a smile on my face and be the one telling everyone “Don’t worry, she’s in good hands now.” I wanted to let the pain out, but I couldn’t. I felt cheated because I couldn’t express what I feel while everyone else around me can. The burden that I was carrying was getting heavier every single day. I thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it, until one day, this verse caught my attention:
“Even though I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I fear no evil for You are with me.” – Psalm 23:4
This was the verse that’s engraved on her gravestone. I was reminded of one thing, to trust in Him; to put my full faith in Him; that everything that happened has a reason. It may be difficult but He is with us.
Reflecting on these things that happened last year, I realized one thing, when we ask for things, we truly are tested on it. I remember in the beginning of 2013, I asked the Lord one thing: to have stronger faith in Him. Little did I know that I would be tested on it. This experience brought me down that I had nothing but my faith in Him. Because I didn’t know how to handle the pain and get back up, I was able to fully surrender everything in Him and trust in Him that eventually everything’s going to be okay.
It’s been almost a year now and I know that the wound that was caused by her death’s not fully healed yet. I’m not regretting anything that happened because through it I was able to hold to His hand again and was able to fully trust in Him again. Although a door closed, few more doors opened in my life. Praise God that He allowed me to experience this.
One thing that I learned from this incident is that we don’t need to experience such things in order to realize that we should fully put our trust in Him. He has a plan and reason for everything. Sometimes, things don’t go our way because His plans are greater than our plans. We may experience hurts and struggles but most of the time, He is just testing us. Sometimes, we need to fall in order to come back up again. In fact, Jesus died in order to be resurrected. Jesus suffered in order for God’s plan to be fulfilled.
Praise God for struggles for it’s through them that we are made stronger. It is through them that we learn to open our hearts and lives to Christ.
Lord, allow us to fully put our trust in You. Let our words be our words. Let our actions be our actions. Allow us to be not afraid of what’s to come because we know that You are there with us. Amen.