About a year and a half ago, a brother was doing a closing worship and he shared about how he was into this harsh lifestyle of constant partying, getting into trouble, exposing himself into such a negative environment but he managed to turn away from it because he found happiness with The Lord, and that His plans was more than what he could offer himself. He shared that he found it in himself to leave that behind and continue serving The Lord because it was more gratifying than partying, premarital sex, drinking…
I just remembered looking at him and then picturing myself up there, but I couldn’t. I told myself “I pray that one day I can be as strong as him and stop myself from doing all of this. The partying, excessive drinking, getting into trouble, sour attitude. Can I be that person that yearns for The Lord?”
That lifestyle was like a drug, it’s like I needed it in order to achieve happiness. The superficial smile on my face would disappear within hours, then I would feel guilt, remorse, regret and shame. Then that cycle would just repeat itself through every event.
Every day is a new struggle.. But at the same time because I started getting busy with school and service, I found myself distracted from those temptations, and they somehow became tolerable but enjoyable (serving in Kids for Christ, children are far too adorable to not be amusing!). I tell myself that I want this happiness; genuine, long-lasting happiness and that in order for me to achieve this optimistic attitude is to adjust my lifestyle.
The Lord has always been by my side but during these moments it’s like I pushed Him far to the side to make room for the devil. This is where I had to retract that invitation so I can finally let The Lord in.
Psalms 37:4 – Delight yourself also in the Lord: and He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Reflecting back to that share the brother had opened up to the entire community inspired me so much. It’s made me realize that it isn’t impossible and change is inevitable. Change will happen once you put your heart and mind to it. Just when I thought I would never be that person I saw on stage, I look at myself now and realize that I’m one step closer to becoming closer to Christ. Just by opening the idea of changing has already made me a stronger person.
It’s a constant battle of temptation and I admit, I have fallen into them, sometimes I am lured so deep to the point where I’m pretty much the same person I was in the beginning. But because The Lord is so powerful and so determined to work through us, He never gave up. I am still here! His persistence and hard work into continuously breaking me and moulding me is what has truly inspired me to alter my livelihood for the sake of Him and His purpose for my life.
The happiness I gain from Him through serving this community, serving my family and living my life away from the negatives is what’s giving me that joy and contentment in my heart, that smile that will last more than through the night. His love for me will never fail to remind me of that.
AMDG.
