Carrying our crosses isn’t always the easiest thing to do. I sometimes find myself crawling on the ground, holding up my cross on my back with splinters, wounds, and scrapes, barely making my way through. No matter what the ordeal, my cross will always be my cross, and sometimes, it literally feels as if I’m pushing myself, pressed less than an inch before falling to the ground. I don’t know if it’s Shaun T’s voice stuck in my head from the days I used to work out with Insanity, or if it really is something inside of me saying, “Dig deeper! Dig deeper!” This Lent, I think that’s exactly what God pushed me to do.
Honestly speaking, I’ve had a long track of being the type to put things aside because they were too hard (if I wasn’t already running away from them). If I wasn’t running away, it was always because I was afraid of facing the truth. And if it wasn’t either of the two, it was because I didn’t want others to catch the insecurities I had carried with me so I would make excuses – for myself and for others. And although I’ve learned to pull away from this mindset and lifestyle, I haven’t done so completely. As I have mentioned earlier, there are times where I want to just lay down my cross and stop, and then the voice – once again – says, “DIG DEEPER! DIG DEEPER!!!” (I blame Shaun T… haha). I’ve even found myself battling this voice out, saying…
“What do You want me to do, Lord?? I’m not Your Son… I can’t carry the cross… I can’t do miracles the way Your Son did! I’M JUST A NORMAL, HUMAN BEING…”
Honestly, I don’t know why I don’t listen to myself sometimes… I’ve always said and always heard, “Be careful with what you ask for from the Lord,” and as soon as I asked this, the Lord revealed truth to me…
- “You are not ‘The Son’ but you are still My child.”
- “You can’t do miracles because you ARE My miracle. In you, I’ve breathed in My Life. Your very existence is a miracle and testimony to my love.”
- “My Son is not the only one that carried the cross… Man did so, alongside him.”
SIMON OF CYRENE.
He carried the cross with Jesus. It was the same road, same cross, surrounded by the same crowd filled with ridicule, and he carried the cross in silence. He did it until he reached the destination of our Lord’s crucifixion. He supported Jesus when he fell. He bore the weight of the cross to journey with Christ. He did it with Christ. And it all began with one gaze.
There was no need for words. With one gaze in the Son’s eyes, he knew that the weight of the cross was incomparable to the love he held beyond what was being seen from afar. The suffering and the love in Christ’s passion ‘dug deeper’ than what the heart could understand. It goes beyond its beat and above it feat. It is something man could only endure and understand with Christ. It was not just Jesus that carried this cross, but also a “NORMAL HUMAN BEING.” The journey is not just divine and is not just human.
The journey of carrying the cross was human suffering made divine with Christ.
Simon was living proof that as a ‘normal human being’ the suffering and salvation of the cross is possible. But in the same way he did not freely choose and volunteer to carry the cross, when it is given to us, we must first look at the feat that lies ahead in the gaze of our Father’s eyes. It is only then that what is ‘earthly’ and what is ‘human’ can be made divine. It is a journey we can only LIVE (not endure) WITH CHRIST. As Jesus carried the cross, he suffered and trusted in silence. He did not seek to be recognized. He did not seek to be praised. He did not seek anything but the love of His Father in us.
“Silence is the golden language of God.”
Oftentimes overlooked, this is what I understood this Lent through Simon. So I use a childhood phrase (and game) “Simon says.” What he showed us was the mystery and the feasibility of the cross and how to find true beauty behind it all. But, he said it in silence. So I challenged myself in this childhood game: Simon says if you can’t “do it like Jesus,” do it like Simon; whether it was the Son or the son (or daughter), you are a child of God so your crosses will always lead you to Him.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us.
Amen.