The past few weeks have been pretty tough. I was faced with a decision that I wasn’t sure I was able to make alone, but at the same time I was almost terrified to open up to my parents about. This problem just kept growing and it came to the point where asking for prayers, going to mass, reflecting and just listening at Mass couldn’t help calm my nerves. I knew I had to tell my parents. But how?
I’ve been having financial issues and being at a young age, others would think that’s almost unlikely but well, it was. I was getting nervous as the school year was slowly ending because I knew my bills would just pile on, and my anxiety grew along with it. This week it came to a decision (after speaking with my professors, the dean, financial, a few close friends) that taking time off school to work was the only option. I was just so afraid to tell my parents about the situation I was in, and telling them that if I took the year off, they would take it the wrong way. My parents take great pride in me going to school, almost one year into finishing my undergrad only because out of my whole family here in Canada, I’m the only one in school. Here I am going crazy and keeping up with this expectation they have from me, it’s only understandable as to why I wouldn’t want to leave school, because it seems like I’m giving up and taking the easy way out.
So today, I was cooking lunch with my mom and she asked me “Oh how is your internship search?” Immediately my blood started rushing to my brain, shortness of breath and just looked at her saying *omg she knows*. I told her, “oh it’s okay.. But mom, it’s expensive and I still haven’t paid off my previous balance” and she asked me “How much is it?” And I told her.. Then she said “How are you going to pay that off?” I responded “Mom I really don’t know…” And I didn’t even catch myself but my mom was like “Wait, why are you crying, what’s wrong?” And I told her everything. Everything. From my financial situations to my decision to take a year off school.
She had a blank expression and there I knew… Omg, it’s over, I knew I shouldn’t have told her. She looked at me and said “Anak (my child), don’t worry, take a deep breathe and pray. Pray hard. Put all your worries to us and to God because we don’t want you worrying. Do not worry for there is a solution” and there I just stared at her..
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
– 1 Peter 5:7
The Lord often reminds us that our parents are there for us in times of trouble and in need, just as He is. Going back to what a brother shared during his talk “You can pray all you want, say the rosary as many times, but are you doing something above that to help your problem?”
At that moment I couldn’t help but smile but cry tears of joy because she knew exactly what to say to help me calm my heart and my nerves. All this act of independency grew into such a prideful attitude I completely abandoned my parents and seeking for their help. Although He made sure I wouldn’t ultimately turn away from my parents and He continuously pulled me back and reminded me that my parents are here for a reason, do not turn away from them.
