There is no escaping Big Life Questions even while being a missionary. (Who am I? Where am I being led? Lord, are you in control?). It was in an impromptu kitchen table discussion with some coordinators after Mass that He confirmed a message and posture that could help me be as calm as a cucumber and happy in the Mission:
I may not know, but God does.
I’ve come to understand that to experience the strengthening of the Lord from the inside out, one must be complete free and empty…of oneself. There are far too many thoughts, emotions and judgments circulating within; our human psyche is impulsive and messy. It downsizes plans, “things of heaven” to rational thought, affects our impression of people and of self, when if fact…”His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).
Though very much beloved by the Lord…He is God and I am not.
RYC season this month has led me to the realization that I cannot do God’s will without grace: I need to heed the impulse, follow the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and further, to surrender to His leading. I cannot lead myself to His will, because I am naturally always acting on my own accord #overthinker. What I need is not Knowledge on how to control and manage my life, but more TRUST and more SURRENDER to Hope in the plans that the Lord has for me…and this should be enough.
“May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.” -Victor Hugo
