“Lord Jesus, you stumbled time and time again beneath the weight of the cross. Lord, have mercy” (Third Line from the Litany of the Cross).
Today is the fifth week of Lent. As we continue to prepare our hearts to be with Lord the day of His crucifixion, I am reminded of my cross and how I am called to take it up daily. These 40 days of fasting is truly a pilgrimage, a build up to the ultimate act of Love. Each cross we carry is heavy, some might even say that it is ‘burdensome.’ But as we look at the Passion of Christ, we see that even Jesus stumbled while carrying His cross. But not once did He ever ask that this cross be lifted from him. Christ embraced his cross and persevered to fulfill His mission. In fact, the cross, His cross was the epitome of His mission.
As I reflect on the cross I bear, I realize that it is comprised of my sins, my failures, my familial relationship struggles, and my illness. It also includes my imperfect posture. I have something called ‘scoliosis,’ meaning that my spine is crooked and weak, sometimes causing me severe pain to point where I am bed-ridden for a day or so. I don’t like talking about my struggle with it too much, so I’m surprised I’m even inserting this sharing in my blog. It’s one of the things I am most insecure about and causes so much worry in my head. I always end up thinking: What if when people realize that my spine is crooked they’ll see that I am deformed? What if they make fun of me? What if I can’t do all the things I have to get done because I’m stuck here in this dumb bed?
Because of this condition, I shouldn’t be carrying such heavy items or under so much stress. However, this past lent the pain has been increasing and occurring more frequently. Despite the pain, I still push forward the best I can through the grace of God. Sure, my spine may be crooked and weak, but that is because God is moulding me under the weight of my cross. And I realize that this pain is nothing in comparison to what the Lord endured while carrying His cross in Calvary.
It is the moments when we stumble under the weight of our cross that we are reminded of how desperately we need the Father and His grace. Because of this, I believe that to stumble is to be blessed. Truly, words cannot describe the beauty in bearing our cross. “To live with the Lord, we must die with Him.” And so, with Good Friday quickly approaching, we must ask ourselves: If I desire to be with the Lord so much, am I willing to be crucified with Him on my own cross? Whether or not your answer is ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ pray that the Holy Spirit will (continue to) give you the strength to carry your cross on your mission.
I pray that we may desire our cross. Through embracing our cross, may we find peace and love in the Lord. I pray that the Holy Spirit will give us strength to lift our crosses high to show the world that we are beyond blessed by the cross because it is our key into Heaven.
Beautiful 🙂