There exists an emo band called Dashboard Confessional, who’s name is derived from an idea found in an early song of theirs titled “Sharp Hint of New Tears”, in which the lead vocalist opens the song with the line, “on the way home, this car hears my confessions.”
I listened to this band a lot as a teenager, alone in my room, music blasting through my headphones, which I think was pretty normal and appropriate for my age at the time. But I honestly never expected the figurative idea of a dashboard confessional to be capable of revealing things in me that have become true and relevant with age.
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I’m not quite sure how this happened, but when I look back at intimate one one one moments I’ve shared with loved ones, a lot of the times it was while we were on the road or just parked in a car. I’ve broken down emotionally with my old counterparts, argued with my significant other, shared secrets and prayer requests with good friends, all of which has led me to the realization that when I’m experiencing extreme vulnerability, good or bad, I’m hard for me to look at people eye to eye. I guess sometimes we don’t want to face who we are, much less face who we are in the eyes of others.
Sitting side by side in the front seat of a car has allowed me the benefit of bearing who I am without the fear of judgemental stares, but I’ll admit that it’s kind of been a cop-out. Am I really being held accountable to the person next to me? Or am I simply using them as an object to express my victories, failures and desires?
I don’t regret the way I’ve shared myself with others in the past, but I feel that the Lord is asking me to share myself with my loved ones in an even more intimate way. Every car ride and every conversation has been a step that has led me to this place. My life isn’t just for me, I’ve been placed delicately in the hands of those around me, it’s time that I take that to heart.
I’ll still value my dashboard confessionals, but if only I re-tool, staring down the road ahead, meeting the Lord eye to eye, on my way home.
– Jesse R.
“I Am, and We are Missionaries.”