(Saturday, November 9, 2013)
When I pray, recently, especially in worship, I find that I am always brought back to this passage. And honestly, I could never fully, 100%, comprehend it…
“Those who survive her will recognize that nothing is better than fear of the Lord, and nothing is sweeter than to heed the commandments of the Lord.”
– Sirach 23: 27
All I knew was that above all fears, my fear of the Lord must go above all because it is the only fear that does not repress anything, and it is the only fear that brings blessings, graces – “rewards”, some might say – and growth. But I never fully understood what it really FULLY meant to me until this weekend. At the end of worship, I was once again brought back to this passage. I didn’t know why, but I knew that He was calling me to share it. But right when I was about to go up, an Ate went up ahead of me, and I was so affirmed through her share. I realized what it meant to me right then and there… Fear of the Lord, is fear of the what is unknown, and this brought me to one of the recent revelations that God has been etching into my heart, lately:
There needs to be suffering so in survival and perseverance (with the Lord), there waits a greater victory.
Suffering is not always physical and emotional. All suffering, in one way or another is personal and spiritual as well. In my case, my recent sufferings have come from endless thoughts about whether or not I’ll be endorsed, or if I’m heading in the right direction because a few other people have been trying to convince me to go towards another direction, or even just with thoughts and worries about those I love, and so on and so forth… THE LIST COULD GO ON! Then I realized, I need this.
How dull would life be if everything was handed over to me on a silver platter each time? If I take these thoughts, worries – all my suffering now and before – no matter how big and how little, and lift it up to God… So long as I take the time to die from my pride and always bring it back to Him, what follows will always be sweet. I realized that in a weird inexplicable way, my sufferings are bringing me closer to a greater salvation.
FEAR OF THE LORD IS FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. And He doesn’t reveal everything to me not because He doesn’t love me, but BECAUSE He loves me. He doesn’t want to hand everything to me in a silver platter so that I can enjoy everything and rejoice in everything. More-so because He wants me to journey through all of it with Him… It is through learning to bring it back to Him that everything becomes that much more joyful!
It’s kind of like cooking. Honestly. I would prefer eating a lasagna I made myself, rather than eating a microwavable frozen dinner version. No matter how similar the two are, the one I cooked would bring me greater joy because I out effort into it… I had to try… and when I when I panicked because I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right, I looked back to ultimate blueprint of a dish… the recipe… And to me, that recipe is God.
I will never know everything… Only God does. And when I suffer and have all these thoughts (of doubt, worries, etc, or simply not knowing), I praise God that I am diving into the unknowns because not knowing is what pushes me to move forward to the only one who truly knows… GOD. In doing this, I submit myself completely and wholeheartedly to the Lord, and it is through this that I grow stronger in Him.
When I do this, no matter what I don’t know, there is a sense of inexplicable peace in my heart, and although all my questions, doubts, concerns and such are not all being answered, there is a difference. He manifests in me and that is why fear of the Lord brings us to a greater salvation. It isn’t because of fear, but because of the strength gained from that fear that guides me to listen to His voice alone, and abide by His commandments, which leads me to a sweeter victory each time. Although I don’t know, I am at peace, and it is this very peace that tells me that He is here. That this is what He wants for me (despite of not knowing exactly what “this” is). He is loving me, taking care of me, and embracing me…
“Those who survive her will recognize that nothing is better than fear of the Lord, and nothing is sweeter than to heed the commandments of the Lord.”
– Sirach 23: 27
Come Holy Spirit, fill me as You will…