I always thought that to live in fear of the Lord meant that no other fear would phase me. That no other fear would exist. Recently, when deliberations began, I began to feel a bit of fear, or rather, a bit of anxiety over what might happen. But just as quickly, the Lord revealed to me that it is through fear that I can be fierce through His love.
“Strive to enter by the narrow door; for many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able.” (Luke 13: 24)
I believe it says seek because we don’t always push ourselves to go beyond seeking. Some of us seek and find, but do nothing when that something is found. Some of us don’t even try. If we seek for that door and find it, how many of us push through with entering that TIGHT AND NARROW DOOR? This is why I believe so many people will not be able to enter – because many seek to enter, but do not push further to TRY. And I believe this is where fear plays in. Many of us seek and cannot enter because we are afraid to even try. So what good is fear if it is not overcome? What good is it if it holds us back?
This is why fear held me back from growing even further… even deeper in the Lord. I asked these very questions, when what I should have done is realize that I should not be trying to get rid of my fears. Instead, I should be acknowledging them because they hold me back. Fears bring opportunities to be challenged, and in those challenges, I am given opportunities to grow in love, trust and faith in my Father. Fear is needed so that there grows a will and call for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, fear is good as long as it does not overpower my trust, love, faith and ultimately fear of the Lord.
As I wait during MV deliberations, I must remind myself that yes, mission truly is my greatest desire, but it cannot live or strive without God. So, I must not be afraid of these emotions of fear or anxiety, but I must also not dwell in them. I must acknowledge them, but I must COMPLETELY devote myself to Him, trust in His guidance and have faith in His living Spirit within me and in His will and perfect plan for me. I must allow His loving presence in my life be FIERCE THROUGH FEAR.
Come Holy Spirit, fill me as you will…