I’ve always had a longing for home. I can remember, even when I was little, thinking to myself, I wanna go home. Sometimes I’ll be on the skytrain after a long day, sometimes I’ll be in the middle of a party, sometimes I’ll be laying in bed. There is just a deep, longing feeling inside for someplace else. And though I love my house, my family, my friends, there is something more out there, and I know it.
And I’m pretty sure I could go anywhere in the world and still feel this feeling. I know that there is no place on this Earth that could satisfy this craving for home. I could be incredibly comfortable, feel incredibly loved, but there would still be more.
I used to people watch during Mass a lot, which is tough because my mom always wants to sit in the front. For years I would focus on daydreaming, and other people’s shoes, and what people were wearing, for that one hour. Then one day I decided to actually participate in the Mass. And then I found it.
That moment, during the Eucharistic prayer, when the priest holds up the bread. And you know. You know it’s going to turn into Christ. And inexplicably there are butterflies in your stomach, an excitement that no other can match, like coming home after a long rainy day, or seeing someone you love after years apart – but not even close. And then Christ appears. And it is better than any fairy tale because This Guy literally died for you, and He literally lived for you. And then, that longing for home, it’s gone, because this is it. Because everything good on Earth could envelop you and it would be nothing in comparison to that small piece of bread that is our Lord and Saviour.
Earth is tough, I get lost easily and I scare easily. It’s big, and there are so many choices to make. But I know He has a plan for me here, which is greater than my imagination could ever consider. I know He calls me to do so many things and go to so many places in His name. But I know that He is constantly whispering to me, to remind me that we are not meant for here. And I do know that all my heart has been searching for is Him.