There’s been a lot of desperation in my heart recently. As my term as an MV comes to a close, I want to be sure of the calling God has for me at this time in my life. My heart races when I think about it. About making a decision. I feel like I’m drowning because I can’t figure things out.
And when I feel that deep, dark pit in my stomach, the feeling of my lungs filling with water, my heart pounding and my thoughts racing – I remember one of my absolute favorite stories: when Jesus calmed the storm.
“One day He got into a boat with His disciples, and He said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they put out, and while they were sailing He fell asleep. A windstorm swept down on the lake, and the boat was filling with water, and they were in danger. They went to Him and woke Him up, shouting, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And He woke up and rebuked the wind and raging waves; they ceased, and there was a calm. He said to them, “Where is your faith?”
– Luke 8:22-25
I know my answer. And it scares me. I will honestly cry, just thinking about it. But who am I to be afraid? Who am I to think that the Lord will not take care of me in the storm? Who am I to ask the Lord to save me, when I have already been saved?
That fear, those racing thoughts and pounding heart, they are nothing. My God is greater. And that feeling, the panic – it isn’t fear. It is simply a deep longing for our God. Regardless of the outcome is from this MV program for me, I have learned one thing – I’m desperate for Him.