I had a conversation with Kuya Gelo yesterday…
About moving on… him from CFC-Youth to SFC, and I from areahead… it was a difficult conversation for me because from it came the reality that after this year, I will no longer be a CFC-Youth Ottawa member.
He asked me if it was a difficult decision for me and I looked down at the ground and told him that it wasn’t my choice, it was His. Although my Couple Coordinators here have been asking me to stay another year, I know it would be selfish of me if I agreed, because that is exactly what I want to do.
I told him it was hard for me because not only do I love this community and this area, but my kids are really…my kids. At RLR several years back, I will always remember how 3 of us sisters went down to Toronto (myself, Brinley and Kathleen), and although we were all split up and I was rooming with Ellen, in the middle of the night I heard a soft knocking on my door. There standing in the hallway were my two girls asking if it was okay for them to stay with me. I held the door open as we wheeled a cot into the room and they slept by the foot of my bed. “My kids,” I sighed. I am overwhelmed with such joy and love for them, that as I sit here at the desk in the office, my eyes are starting to well up. My God, how blessed I am that you have given them to me for all these years. How blessed I am to have seen them grow, literally. Even last weekend, I would have them curl up beside me at the campsite, or hold my hand as we milled through the crowded streets of downtown Ottawa (Canada day). How blessed I am to have cheered for them till I’ve lost my voice, to have dried countless tears, listened to stories of joy and heartbreak, and smiled and nodded countless times in encouragement as they did their talks and shares as I sat in the front row. Oh, how blessed I am.
Then Kuya Gelo told me something…something that I will keep and that gives me so much strength… Yes, they are my kids. But I need to let them grow up. They may struggle, experience problems (and I know I would want nothing more than to swoop in and solve it for them)… but I need to let them grow.
Kids will not always stay kids, after all.
My Father, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to love beyond my capacity. For entrusting to me the most beautiful people I know. I lift each of them up to you, oh Lord. Cover them with your love, fill them with joy in service, and guide them always. Amen.