Just recently, I got into a situation where I felt like I was not being listened to. As I was sharing a story with my peers, I was constantly interrupted to the point where I felt very discouraged to carry on with what I had to say. Although they told me to finish my story, I felt like there was no point in doing so anymore. I thought: “well, if you did not want to listen to me the first time or the second, what is the point of repeating myself again?”
If you know me, I’m a pretty open book. I share my thoughts, my emotions, and my heart quite easily with those I feel most comfortable with. It does not take much to share whatever is on my mind. This can definitely be a blessing, but it can be a curse as well.
So as much as I wanted to hide the fact that I was upset, I couldn’t. My body language and the look on my face surely gave it away to my friends. As much as I tried, I couldn’t hide the fact that I was hurt.
After I took the time to calm down, I immediately felt a sense of guilt.
I thought to myself: Am I being dramatic? Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Am I not important enough that people do not want to listen to me?
I know that these were very petty and childish questions to ask however; I could not stop feeling this way.
At the very root of it all, I was just upset because I felt like I was being ignored. I was so excited to share my story, a story of God’s love in my life, but I was disappointed because it seemed like no one wanted to listen. I felt like I was not worth the time to be heard by my peers.
And then it dawned on me.
How many times have I done the same thing to God?
How many times have I ignored Him, when He so badly wanted to speak with me?
How many times have I been so distracted during my prayer time, during mass or during a household meeting because I was so busy thinking about my own life before taking the time to listen to the words of my Lord and saviour?
On another note, this situation made me realize that I too, am not perfect. I have personally made the mistake of making God feel unimportant; simply not giving him the time that He so rightfully deserves as well. I also reflected on how I need to better my listening skills. Often times I am in rush to figure out the perfect thing to say that I completely disregard what is being said to me.
Listening should not be like this though.
When we listen, we must learn to be attentive; to be fully present with the people we are conversing with. I still love my friends and know in my heart that it was not their intention to hurt me. And instead of holding a silly grudge on the situation, I look to God as a role model as He is someone who constantly forgives me whenever I (unintentionally) ignore Him.
I am quite thankful for this situation, as it has opened my eyes to realizing that I need to: one, improve on my listening skills and two, that I make mistakes and must be willing to learn to forgive as well.
I pray that I may learn to be more present in my conversations with God and that I be more alert whenever He speaks to me. Listening takes time and good self-disciple therefore, I hope that I practice these things so I can better respect God and grow to be a better listener for Him.
Amen.
Danielle Lape
“The first duty to love, is to listen.” – Paul Tillich