Last Sunday, I had a group discussion with my music min in my parish about that day’s gospel. With the leader’s different perspective on how Thomas’ feelings might have been when Jesus appeared to his disciples when Thomas was not there. Her perspective was Thomas might have been jealous or questioned Jesus in a way. She expressed how it might have really sucked for Thomas for missing Jesus appearance after the whole “squad” (Jesus disciples) saw Jesus while he was out. (he really missed out. lol)
Why did Jesus do that? Could Jesus have just waited for Thomas? Thomas could have been just away for maybe just going to the bathroom or something for all we know (that would really suck if that happen).
So, we discussed and shared how we might have been jealous or felt missed out on. As we are sharing, the common theme was jealousy of God’s gift in other people. One that struck me was a sharer was jealous of the “God encounters or God moments” that the people whom he surrounds himself with.
That stayed in my head for quite a while because I thought I was alone in that mind set. It brought me to my early years being in the community. How you will encounter a lot deep shares in the community. I was kind of jealous of them because I thought my life is boring or basic, I wanted more drama in my life (that’s so stupid). That my faith is not strong because I didn’t go through struggles that they had. That I need those moments to be closer to God or something.
But the root of it I think I was just jealous on other people on how they experience God. That’s what I wanted. Asking myself why don’t I have those moments? Why can’t I have those moments?
As I reflected that, I was just so amaze how different I was. How I wanted to have struggles. I was in shock that I was jealous for wrong reasons, how I used to do that a lot and didn’t even realized it until now. Looking back, I’m just so grateful that God really didn’t gave me to much “drama” in my life.
Maybe this is how Thomas might have felt.
This was a great reminder for always ask what God wants me to do in the situation that I was placed in. Even if you think the thing you’re “missing out” on will help you in the future etc. There is a purpose on how God reveals himself in us, but we should not forget that God is trying to reveal himself to everyone always, even if we feel our lives is so “bland” or “basic”. We think God reveals himself big or small ways but it is always big. We just need to perceive it differently. We just need to look more for the reason because there is a purpose in all things He do.
Gabby Pador