I recall fondly a time (way back when) some Montreal sisters had gotten into the habit of doing weekly visits to the Oratory, Fridays after classes. The routine was: arrive slightly before the 4:30PM Mass, do some quality prayer time, and proceed to the usual confessional for Reconciliation.
One Friday in particular offered a weird experience. Upon finishing “my list of sins”, the elderly french-speaking priest said, in a seemingly annoyed voice: “Is that it? Why are you asking for absolution for just that?” (as if I was wasting his time).
Maybe I needed to undergo a better examination of conscience. Maybe the priest was simply grouchy that day. Who knows. All I know is that this pivotal experience was the Lord’s way of putting me on a journey to rediscover what it means to pray with desperation.
There seems to be many prayer seasons out there, one of which can be a time when one has memorized all the usual prayers, collected many spiritual books, and has seemingly exhausted all possible journal entries. It’s at this point that we must “pour out the blessings” through Service/Mission, or fall into the trap taking prayer for granted (or into the sin of pride) (pissing off a priest out of an apparently boring,insincere sin list)
Serving in the Community, and even simply living to its fullness our Mission as Christ’s disciples should challenge the fullness of our being, and take up of all our energy, time, emotional stability…everything. After all, if we’re in the business of Saving Souls, we are truly combating an Enemy…it should rightly do so. And when desperation comes, the answers never come, and there’s nothing left but to surrender…the Lord presents Himself in a huge way…through the re-gifted present of Prayer.
Prayer is truly synergistic experience: drawing us closer to the Lord, and thus inevitably igniting a flame of His love that others will draw warmth from. They say that when we burn with the fire of Christ, one can never be exhausted. But if one needs help igniting the flame in the first place, Mission can be a spark: it pulls us beyond ourselves, compelling us to see what’s at stake (in who/what we’re praying for), illuminates our our limitations, and reminds us of our utter dependence on the Lord. This desperation is truly a powerful vehicle of prayer.
