This past weekend I had the privilege of attending and serving HSB’s (my mission area) School Volunteer Training to go camping in Sunshine Coast, BC. I was serving as music min for the entire four days.
If any of you really know me, guitar isn’t my strongest instrument to play, and I definitely need plenty of time to really get a song down to play it comfortably. But this weekend was a test of kindness and patience for myself.
A week before the training, I was asked to play and naturally I said yes cause I’d consider myself always mission ready. But after thinking more about it, I actually knew I wasn’t ready. I tried my best to learn as many songs as possible but it just wasn’t enough time. When we were finally at the campgrounds, I already had this sinking feeling in my chest like I was about to perform in front of the whole world.
I managed to make it through the first few days, and it was excruciating to struggle while playing. I just had in mind “please get this over with” and “I’m almost finished”. I hated the fact that I was almost butchering worship and I really wished someone more experienced would just take the lead, but there was no one else. I was really dragging my feet through what my service role was for the weekend and was so focused on just how bad it was.
But a very dear sister said something that weekend that helped me remember why I was still doing it. She was sharing a struggle she had and went to adoration looking to Christ on the cross and she saw Him saying, “Do I not look tired?” That put things into perspective for me. It reminded me that the Lord must’ve dragged His cross all that way to Calvary. The Lord must’ve hated every moment of that suffering and wished it would stop. The Lord must’ve been so tired emotionally, spiritually and especially physically.
Yes, it was burdensome to have to go through something and knowingly suffer through it, but the glorifying end result is worth all that suffering. The lives you help change, the Spirit you help nurture in those you serve, and so much more good deeds the Lord does in all of us. Suffering is meant to go hand in hand with Salvation, because otherwise it wouldn’t be worth it.
