Last night, we had our Monthly MV Meeting (it was a teaching night). I was in and out because of a core brothers’ Household. I was still able to go through the teaching from a document sent by our beloved Program Heads (thank you!!!!!!). The topic was on “The Ten Most Unwanted: Identifying the Joy Rubbers.”
It was about 10 joy-stealers in our lives. For the sake of everyone, the ten most unwanted joy-stealers are: fear, worry, loneliness, discouragement, anger, resentment, doubt, procrastination, temptation and jealousy.
At the end of the document, the reflection question states: which joy-stealer(s) has/have you run into? How did you handle it?
Since I wasn’t able to share it during the meeting, I’ll share it here. I’m sure all of us have experienced/are experiencing most, if not all, of these joy-stealers. But I am going to reflect/share on one that really affected the most.
WORRY
Aliases: Anxiety, Distress, Nervousness, or Unsettledness
Last seen: Tempting a young married couple to worry that they would run out of money if they began to tithe regularly.
MO: “Hey – wise up! God only helps those who help themselves.”**
Defense: Trust – “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
Since 2nd year of university, my worries & insecurities really started to get ahead of my trust. Since high school, I have already started dreaming /hoping about becoming a doctor, #MEDDREAM (paediatrician, to be specific). First year, I was really excited to start university studies, to jumpstart the journey to Med. That excitement led to receiving a decent GPA, it was neither 4.0 nor close to it but it was good enough. Come 2nd year, I was taking classes that I disliked but I had to as part of requirements for Med Application. This is when the worry/unsettledness really started especially when I got my first midterm mark of the school year and it was below 50%. I began to procrastinate more which led to negative effects which led to even more worries. Fast forward, 2nd year ended, my GPA definitely dropped compared to the 1st year. I began to be more anxious, emotions were unsettled. Instead of praying/reflecting at the end of the school year, I just let it slide/avoid it, saying that it was summer anyways and I’ll think about it during September.
3rd year, I changed programs from General Science to Medical Laboratory Science in hopes of getting stable job/ after just in case I don’t get into Med right after. I was thinking, planning, sort of reflecting on how I’ll approach my studies this time so that 2nd year wouldn’t be repeated again. 3rd Year was probably the toughest year so far with 5 lectures and 7 labs per week. It was very demanding. One of my biggest weaknesses is dwelling so much on the past that instead of learning, I just spend my time dwelling/crying over and over again (the overthinker life). Instead of working harder, worries/insecurities/procrastination led to unproductive year. I passed but my GPA really suffered, it was the lowest of its lows.
In addition, because I’m the only child, there is another worry that my parents might not approve of me going away for Med in case I don’t get into the Med School here in the province (I was already looking for other universities, even outside of Canada); worry of leaving them, making it sound like I’m selfish, etc.
There was always just that blind hope that prayers would be enough, that God will make a miracle for me during every exam, every obstacle in my studies. Why I picked worry as the one I would share because I got hit by its MO. “Hey – wise up! God only helps those who help themselves.” I remember telling myself this over and over again. That God only helps those who help themselves. It’s funny because you think it’s true but the devil is so crafty that he distorts the meaning/purpose of God’s teaching. However I don’t think it means that one will expect manna from heaven without working for it. “Faith without action is dead.” But I think that God is telling us it doesn’t matter if we didn’t do our best, or we lacked motivation as long as we fully trust in Him He will provide. Obviously, for me it was half-hearted trust. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have those worries.
Now, I still have worries regarding Med. However, it’ll always be a dream/goal for the future. Because of the grace of God, I am more and more lifting this dream/desire to Him (it’s still not 100%). Over the past year, I have been affirmed that God will provide, that He will answer my prayers in the right time. The waiting time worries me (mind’s running in all directions everytime I think about it) but I know the Lord will build me up and prepare me for now, until that day when He’s ready to give my #MEDDREAM to me.
