Yesterday (May 30) I received (to put it in a good light) a challenge, a struggle. It’s funny because there has been some kind of trend that I observed these past few years while serving in CFC Youth. I remembered that after I served at a camp (the second time), I found out that I failed a midterm exam. This time, I served at a camp last weekend (which was such a different empowering experience) and yesterday, I was notified of such “challenge.” For both situations (especially for the first one), it really made me question why God is giving me these struggles after serving Him, when He is supposed to reward me. I know this sounds like very un-humbling but I expected a little bit of reward. For the first situation, I don’t remember what I said or what I did after I found out but for the second one, I saw this coming (a little bit). Still, it breaks my heart. I know it sucks right now and as much as it’s challenging to trust and believe in the Lord, I know that He does have a purpose on why this happened. I know He’s trying to teach me a lesson. I can only hope and pray that feelings aside I’ll truly be able to accept this wholeheartedly, learn from it and continue to live. It’s funny I mentioned feelings aside because I tend to be a very emotional person these days, not just being “emo” but also putting down myself too much, beating myself emotionally. I can only hope that the Lord will heal me and will give light to all these. Praise God for the people around me especially my parents! I know I can get through this setback with their help and guidance.
As I’m writing this, I am being brought upon to the last weekend’s camp’s verse “When I fall, I shall RISE.” (Micah 7:8). Wow, The Lord is truly funny and amazing. Maybe He was already preparing me for this moment. He probably knew that I would experience this that’s why the camp and the verse happened. I can only cling to Him and pray that these heartaches will go away so that it can give way to new things, to rekindle the fire and purpose in me. I know that after writing this, I’m still going to feel sad/angry at myself, etc. but I know whatever I’ve done, that nothing can stop the Lord from loving me, from reaching out to me. Ahh, the “Reaching” song, so applicable right now. It’s tough but I know that no matter what, He will be always be greater than my problems, my failures.
