Let’s be honest. Forgiving somebody who has hurt us may be the hardest thing we ever do. We may have suffered a serious offence, but often it is the daily grievances or misplaced words that are the sticking point in our hearts and minds. We can struggle for days, even years, with anger, confusion, sorrow and bitterness after someone has wounded us, offended us, or betrayed our trust.
What a beautiful reminder it is for me whenever I receive a publication magazine from the Sisters of Life in New York. Each article and each story in the magazine is always something that I have pondered on before and something I need to read. I would like to share with you this reflection on the 5 things we need to know about forgiveness:
1. Jesus knows and understands. Jesus knows our struggle, so much that He entered into the pain of our wounds as He hung crucified on the Cross. Yet, He doesn’t want us to remain there in the darkness – He desires us to experience the glory of His Resurrection, where His wounds are transformed into marks of victory and our sins are redeemed into channels of grace. Jesus taught us to pray to the Father: “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”
2. Forgiveness doesn’t mean being a doormat. It doesn’t mean justifying or ignoring an offence, excusing the offender of responsibility, or taking the blame upon ourselves. We need to acknowledge the wrongdoing and live in accordance with our dignity in order to truly forgive the other.
3. Forgiveness is letting go. Forgiveness is choosing not to hold the offence against the one who has hurt us. It means letting go of resentment and revenge – not lowering ourselves to the level of retaliation, but rising to the level of merciful love, in imitation of the God who forgives us “seventy-times-seven times.”
4. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision. It is intentional and voluntary. Of course, “it is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offence, [but if we give our hearts to the Holy Spirit], He can turn injury into compassion and purify the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession.” (CCC, 2803). Forgiveness may not take away the pain, but it will transform it. Every time the memory of the offence comes to our minds, and every time we choose to forgive, we become freer, more whole, and more like our Heavenly Father.
THE GOAL: The goal of forgiveness is that of restoring, or reconciling, man to God and God to Himself. The scar might still be there, but forgiveness gives freedom. To forgive another is a mercy to that person, but also to ourselves.
As we enter into this Holy Week, let us be reminded of the Lord’s mercy in our lives and let us reflect on, “where and what is the state of my heart, in growing in deeper relationship with Him?”
Jesus, Fountain of Mercy, we trust in You.