I portray this sarcastic personality around people because it’s very difficult for me to let my walls down, to trust and show vulnerability. Going through many unfortunate situations, especially at such a young age it just became easier for me to build this fence around me rather than to show my emotions. I felt like it was just a cycle, that if I let my guards down, I would get emotionally attacked.
The support of this community has told me otherwise. Yes, I’ve been in this community for almost my entire life – but it’s only been about three years since I’ve been continuously active and engaged in the community. Being a part of CFC-Y has taught me that whatever struggle I was going through, I wasn’t alone. That someone else might have gone through something similar, or possibly even worse. After every obstacle I happen to go through, I build this wall around my heart that will occasionally get thicker every time I feel hurt and pain. This caused me to be cold, unsympathetic of others towards me to the point where I no longer felt the pain but numbness. My heart was numb and so was my yearning for Christ, causing spiritual dryness.
I realized that the longer I’ve stayed in the community, the bigger the challenge of you stepping out of your bubble. The people in this community don’t notice how each and everyone can be such an amazing blessing – their stories and shares just became a sudden realization and also encouragement.
What has inspired me is that people have shared that in order to start the process of healing was that they continued to let their guards down, accept the pain and be broken so the Lord can enter their hearts, and heal them Himself.
Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my heart to the things unseen,
Show me how to love like you, have loved me.
Surely enough this community has time and time challenged me to step out of my comfort zone. Expose my vulnerability for all to see. And because my love for Christ has continued to immensely grow, I’ve learned to open my heart and tell myself that weakness is a sign on strength. That accepting Him to be above and beyond our problems is fluctuated against the numbness of my heart. Open the eyes of my heart Lord. To see You high and lifted up, shining in the light of your glory. Open up Your power and love, to see You. Open up the eyes of my heart, I want to see you. The power of sharing your story can manifest so much of Christ’s love and plans. It’s taught me that opening up to others can help strengthen other’s who are also afraid to profess their story. But He wants us to share, to proclaim His good name and show us what He’s capable of doing, because He is our Saviour.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. – Psalm 73:26
