Month: June 2017

Hello…again.

Long time no see (??…read?? idk lol).

Back at it again, an attempt to return back to this. Almost 6 months since my last post, and 6 months of so many things that have happened. (Don’t worry I journaled all those moments, so I won’t forget hehe).

But let’s start with this first,

The ways of the Lord are not comfortable. But we were not created for comfort, but for greatness.

– Pope Benedict XVI

Magnanimity, which means “greatness of soul,” is a virtue wherein we pursue all that is great and honourable in the eyes of God, even if it is difficult. Don’t mistake this as an antonym of humility, don’t worry I did at first, but look at it as using all the gifts and abilities God has given you and using all of it as best as you can. An acknowledgement that all that we have is from God, and thus for God.

I know of my talents, and it is quite a lot (not bragging at all, just making a point lol). But rather than using all these gifts and abilities to the best of my ability, I would only meet halfway on many of these things. Satisfied with only good, and not great. Mostly because I didn’t want to stand out fully and meet all the hard work that came with it, or risk any sort of failure…I wanted to be comfortable in what I was doing. As I’m reflecting on this note, I am beginning to see just how often I do this. Not only in the big things, but even in the small things much like these blog posts/reflections. I know I can do these, however its something that I don’t usually do, putting myself out there especially on a medium and platform such as this where everyone can read it. And in doing so, I had this made-up expectation to make sure I had to have epic reflections, thought-provoking notes, and insane punchlines/one-liners. But when I slowly came to realize that that wasn’t coming easy, I easily fell off from writing. Afraid of not writing great posts and not willing to risk it.

As a matter of fact, until just recently, I’ve somewhat taken that convenient pathway in my journey as a Mission Volunteer. A path where I was comfortable with the problems I face in the West Sector or Windsor, comfortable with just going to work then a meeting then go home, comfortable with basically everything. But in these past 2 months, the Lord had shaken me again as if I had been daydreaming the 4 months prior. And so, with our MV teaching night on magnanimity, I am reminded as to why things aren’t going according to plan recently, or why its been a difficult and tiring 2 months. Because just as Mother Teresa said, “We are called to be faithful, not successful,” so too has the Lord challenged me to stay faithful regardless of where I find myself.

And so, let’s not take this post as a reset, a start from square one, but let’s take it as a “Nice to see you again!”.

My name is Ohmar Jericho Rivera, 22 years old and a mission volunteer for Couples for Christ. As I share my ongoing journey, I hope that you pray for me as I continue on this journey, just as I pray for you.

AMDG.

#ONRouteToHeaven

Trusting God through my actions

This past month, I was able to serve for RYC for Pacific Region for the logistics committee. I have never served in this capacity, so I have never experienced the amount of time and effort needed in planning. If there was one thing I have realized from serving, it will be this:

Trusting God goes beyond my thoughts and prayers, but it also includes my actions.

With the theme of Journey for RYC, it made me reflect on my journey in my relationship with God. In that journey, I realized how many times I failed to trust God, despite praying for an increase in trust in Him, because my actions say otherwise.

My trust and faithfulness to God were tested when I started to worry about every task that needed to be done, people that needed to be reached out to, conversations that needed to be made with my counterpart and much more. In the moments when I felt overwhelmed and frustrated, my actions and attitude were affected as I began to rely on my own strength or simply just want to give up. But in these moments where I doubted God’s faithfulness, I always hear God saying “Jobelle, do you not trust me enough?” I know that I desire Christ, I know that I want to love Him in every way. I realized that this is the time I can put my prayers into action and come to trust God and his faithfulness in a deeper way.

After experiencing RYC in a different perspective, I am in awe of how much the brothers and sisters around me trusted God through their actions just to allow others to experience Christ. This only inspires me to continue trusting in God, especially through my actions.

“A humble soul does not trust itself, but places all its confidence in God.” St. Faustina

Be not afraid

I cannot believe that it is June already, where has the year gone. Honestly, to me the year has been so eventful… A lot of scary moments, from letting go and moving on from a community I have been accustomed to for about five years, to pursuing a potential vocation as a mission volunteer for CFC Youth for Christ; to make things even better and to stir the pot even more, I decided to move out to pursue school again after two years later.

I like to think that I am good at hiding my feelings. I remember, when I got on the ferry with a one-way ticket to Vancouver, there were many things running through my mind. I remember trying to hold and compose myself, “what did I just do? Stop, stop, look at the water… oh trees… control yourself, control your feelings. DO. NOT. CRY.” Basically, I was scared and afraid to fail, to get lost, and for all the uncomfortable moments that I know, I will encounter. The first few months were tough because I was mainly homesick, a lot of “adulting” moments (grocery, laundry, and no accessible car). I tried to occupy all my time with work, school, spend time with friends, and more school. I wanted to fully occupy myself, to make it seem like I was “busy.” I think the feeling of being important, knowing our lives are full, full of things to do, people to meet, or activities to pursue distracts us to our true purpose, to temporary fill that empty space. To me, I wanted to occupy all of my time so that I would not have the time to “think.” The struggle to forget the deep fear of empty spaces and the deeper fear of being lonely, not alone, but lonely.

Recently, I realized many things, attending an annual CFC Youth: Regional Youth Conference with the theme of Journey. I had been reflecting on my own journey. I remember sitting at the balcony, appreciating the environment, all of the familiar and unfamiliar faces, simply just observing. But, I was also kind of anxious because I didn’t really know what I was doing there. Everyone around me was busy running around finding people, setting the stage, and making sure that things were running smoothly. Then there was me, just sitting down. I was not used to be still. I felt out of placed and useless.

So, I reflected and it is kind of funny how this journey has been so far. I am glad that I finally leaped. It took a lot of prayers, a lot of convincing and pushed to have the courage and simply to trust first. Sometimes I wanted to complain about how much I am suffering, for the feeling of being forgotten, for all of the uncomfortable situations, and I admit feeling lost is so scary, but every single day, I am always reminded of how blessed I am. I know that the Lord will always have my back. I believe that the Lord will send the right people to me at the right place and the right time; and I know I will also be sent somewhere at the right place and at the right time. A constant reminder that IT IS OKAY TO BE STILL, embrace the anxiety, the loneliness, and have a faithful discipline for the Holy Spirit to lead me, to lead us to new places, new people, and new forms of service wherever and whatever that would be.

This mission never stops. It is everywhere. This journey is beautiful. It is a great suffering, BUT beautiful. I am home. 🙂

“Leave it all to Him, let go of yourself. Lose yourself on the cross and you will find yourself entirely.”

St Catherine of Siena